Search found 23 matches

by cjtrapp
June 15th, 2010, 9:31 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 119630

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Jake Wakely is no stranger to being a stranger. He’s lived abroad for the first thirteen years of his life. But after being sent to his father's childhood hometown of Sleepy Valley to live with his grandparents, his ‘new kid’ mystique is fading fast. Jake’s unpopular friendship with Simon, a native ...
by cjtrapp
April 27th, 2010, 8:56 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction
Replies: 10
Views: 2100

Re: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction

I decided to take my opening in a different direction. Thanks to all who've commented. My book is complete except for the prologue. I need the perfect setup, and then its off to the submission races... UNITED NATIONS COMMISSION ON THE PEACEFUL USES OF TECHNOLOGY INFORMATION PROVIDED IN CONFORMITY WI...
by cjtrapp
April 16th, 2010, 11:43 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction
Replies: 10
Views: 2100

Re: Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction

PROLOGUE A cauldron of blue light churned in the valley sky, casting a watery reflection over the surrounding mountains and a deep shadow over the valley floor. Max rumbled down the rutted plateau road in his pickup, cursing the mayor for refusing to pave the steep mountain trail. After two minutes ...
by cjtrapp
April 16th, 2010, 7:45 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
Replies: 14
Views: 2971

Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)

I remember your original post, and the characters and story have stayed with me, so that is a good sign. I'm still strugglng with your query though. I think you hit on it with your question about generic. Black-suited security is a bit generic already. Can you change their appearance to something un...
by cjtrapp
April 14th, 2010, 4:07 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3016

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Queries should start with a conflict or problem whenever possible. For example: James "Smith" Campbell's only friend in his new home of Moonstone Bay has gone missing. Smith knows there is foul play, and he also knows that the adults and law enforcement are following the wrong trail. But no one want...
by cjtrapp
April 14th, 2010, 12:02 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction
Replies: 10
Views: 2100

New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction

PROLOGUE A cauldron of blue light churned in the valley sky, casting a watery reflection over the surrounding mountains and a deep shadow over the valley floor. The town residents, tucked into their houses like rows of babies in nursery cribs, remained quiet—sleepily oblivious to the silent flurry a...
by cjtrapp
February 20th, 2010, 2:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Shameless Acts of Grieving, Mainstream
Replies: 6
Views: 1261

Re: QUERY: Shameless Acts of Grieving, Mainstream

Agree, it is probably better put that way. I meant "like" from a reader's standpoint, not that she needs to be a likeable person (think hannibal lechter). However, she can't be weak, either, unless she starts there and gets stronger as a result of her struggle. Show us a glimpse of her transformation.
by cjtrapp
February 20th, 2010, 12:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: 100 Wishes - Romance novel Query - Take 1
Replies: 19
Views: 3286

Re: 100 Wishes - Romance novel Query - Take 1

Sorry comment posted to wrong feed
by cjtrapp
February 19th, 2010, 10:22 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: *Revised* Query: THE DREAM PLAYER-Middle Grade
Replies: 5
Views: 1103

Re: *Revised* Query: THE DREAM PLAYER-Middle Grade

Thanks, all.

Most of the agent websites I visit encourage the use of author websites. They show professionalism and a committment to the business aspect of publishing. Also, simply visiting a website generally does not put one's computer in danger.
by cjtrapp
February 19th, 2010, 8:56 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: 100 Wishes - Romance novel Query - Take 1
Replies: 19
Views: 3286

Re: 100 Wishes - Romance novel Query - Take 1

You had me hooked until the end! I was thinking Nick would tell her never to love another, and she would be torn between the two! If not forbidden specifically by Nick, it would add more drama if number 100 took them in different directions, forcing a choice. I guess I'm struggling with the conflict...
by cjtrapp
February 17th, 2010, 7:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SHADOW ON THE HILL
Replies: 9
Views: 1905

Re: Query: SHADOW ON THE HILL

I would leave Decoration Day, it adds color. Professional agents will do a quick search if they don't know and find the rest of the query interesting. Agents are a curious bunch, imo.
by cjtrapp
February 17th, 2010, 1:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Shameless Acts of Grieving, Mainstream
Replies: 6
Views: 1261

Re: QUERY: Shameless Acts of Grieving, Mainstream

I really like your title -- its a hook unto itself. But the query leaves me thinking that Dolly is a drag and a weakling. I doubt this is the case in the story. If it is, then fine, but it may be a tough sell as a story. We need to like her, even if she is going through a rough patch. Was she always...
by cjtrapp
February 16th, 2010, 5:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bad Query or Bad Story - How to Tell?
Replies: 6
Views: 1275

Re: Bad Query or Bad Story - How to Tell?

High fantasy narrows your list of willing agents, which definately makes your job harder. So many say from the beginning, "no fantasy". Genre-specific contests and forumns would be a good place to focus in order to set yourself apart. The problem with fantasy is that, on the surface, much of it soun...
by cjtrapp
February 16th, 2010, 4:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Middle Grade Query
Replies: 8
Views: 3792

Re: Middle Grade Query

Changed very little word-wise, but rearranged it a bit. Dear Ms. Agentpants : Most people would say that Brock Rockster is a prodigy. They’d say that his skills as a celebrated private investigator to the stars and world champion mustache grower set him apart as a ten-year-old worthy of astonishmen...
by cjtrapp
February 16th, 2010, 4:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *Revised* Query: THE DREAM PLAYER-Middle Grade
Replies: 5
Views: 1103

*Revised* Query: THE DREAM PLAYER

taylormillgirl-thanks for your kind words. A revision is below. Answered most questions, except for the first one, which I think creates a little needed intrigue. Dear Agent: Jake Wakely is no stranger to being a stranger. He’s lived abroad for the first thirteen years of his life. But after being ...