Query for In Death

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clara_w
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Query for In Death

Post by clara_w » September 10th, 2013, 3:02 pm

Hi Everyone,

Appreciate the feedback : )

"Falling for a dead guy isn’t part of Santana Jones’ plans, but John Braver, the incredibly charming and incredibly dead politician on the other side of the mirror, makes it really hard not to.

When she finds out that her mirror is a window to purgatory, Santana wonders if she should call a famous seer to fix it, but this would mean no more John. And Santana just can’t give him up. That’s when an evil spirit bent on possessing her body uses the mirror to drag her soul into the great beyond.

John rescues Santana from the evil spirit, and they learn that they must cross the vast wastelands of purgatory to get Santana back to her body, before the evil spirit is strong enough to possess it. But as they venture into the afterlife, Santana discovers that Hell and Heaven break through from thin air, snatching up souls into their final destinations.

As a lawyer with a pitch black past, Santana had always wondered if she would go to Hell for defending rapists and murderers.

Now she’ll know.

To get back to her body, Santana must find a way to beat the evil spirit, knowing that no matter the outcome, she might have to go to Hell for all the things she’s done."

KimErickson
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Re: Query for In Death

Post by KimErickson » October 9th, 2013, 4:23 pm

"NEVER QUOTE YOUR BOOK! Is that why this is in italics? If so, I would take it out of italics. Falling for a dead guy isn’t part of Santana Jones’ plans take out, but John Braver, the incredibly charming and incredibly dead politician on the other side of the mirror, makes it really hard not to. This hook is a bit on the weak side. You have me intrigued, but not overly much.

When she finds out that her mirror is a window to purgatory I would lead off with this, Santana wonders if she should call a famous seer You didn’t mention anything about a seer or how she meets John, so now I am just confused to fix it, but this would mean no more John. And Santana just can’t give him up. That’s when an evil spirit bent on possessing her body uses the mirror to drag her soul into the great beyond.

John rescues Santana from the evil spirit, and they learn that they must cross the vast wastelands of purgatory to get Santana back to her body, before the evil spirit this is weak is strong enough to possess it. But as they venture into the afterlife, Santana discovers that Hell and Heaven break through from thin air, snatching up souls into their final destinations.

As a lawyer with a pitch black past, Santana had always wondered if she would go to Hell for defending rapists and murderers.

Now she’ll know.

To get back to her body, Santana must find a way to beat the evil spirit, knowing that no matter the outcome, she might have to go to Hell for all the things she’s done." Take this out

To me, this query was a bit on the weak side. I liked the concept, but it was vague and confusing.

alaster12
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Joined: December 20th, 2013, 11:26 pm
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Re: Query for In Death

Post by alaster12 » December 20th, 2013, 11:38 pm

I will be coming back soon thanks for the great article.

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