Share your opening sentence!

The writing process, writing advice, and updates on your work in progress
Post Reply
User avatar
Scribble
Posts: 33
Joined: December 7th, 2009, 7:19 pm
Location: North-East UK
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Scribble » February 27th, 2010, 8:19 pm

From my current MG novel (undergoing 2nd draft):

I just wish something would happen in my life, anything.


From my half-completed fantasy novel:

Otto Shranck watched from his vantage point in the rafters, listening to the rain dancing on the roof above and admiring the man’s work below.

User avatar
Scott
Posts: 116
Joined: December 7th, 2009, 3:14 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Scott » March 1st, 2010, 4:36 pm

Scott wrote:Barbara Ducharme coughed herself the color of fabric softener as she dumped another tray of smoking cookies into the garbage bin.
Sorry to self quote here, but I thought I might share a correction I had to made to my opener. It was something of a darling, but then I realized the comparison is inappropriate for a third-person limited narrative. Had the tray been particularly reflective, allowing her to see herself, than it would have still been a bit much but at least it would have made a little more sense. I've since changed it to:

"Barbara Ducharme coughed her head full of stars as she dumped another tray of smoking cookies into the garbage bin."

The use of "stars" is something of a portent, as well. All in all, a better choice in my opinion. :)

JilltheImpossible
Posts: 10
Joined: March 1st, 2010, 6:59 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by JilltheImpossible » March 1st, 2010, 7:08 pm

I opened with a quote for my newest WIP:

“Have you ever wondered how this happened? How we got this way?"

i love reading all of your opening lines!
Last edited by JilltheImpossible on March 1st, 2010, 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Merisi
Posts: 5
Joined: February 21st, 2010, 12:05 pm
Location: Los Angeles, California
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Merisi » March 1st, 2010, 7:14 pm

Scott wrote:
Scott wrote:Barbara Ducharme coughed herself the color of fabric softener as she dumped another tray of smoking cookies into the garbage bin.
Sorry to self quote here, but I thought I might share a correction I had to made to my opener. It was something of a darling, but then I realized the comparison is inappropriate for a third-person limited narrative. Had the tray been particularly reflective, allowing her to see herself, than it would have still been a bit much but at least it would have made a little more sense. I've since changed it to:

"Barbara Ducharme coughed her head full of stars as she dumped another tray of smoking cookies into the garbage bin."

The use of "stars" is something of a portent, as well. All in all, a better choice in my opinion. :)
I really like the revised line a great deal. I can relate to it more and the phrasing is pretty damn fun. I don't think I've heard that experience put like this before, which surprises me. Nice change.

User avatar
Scott
Posts: 116
Joined: December 7th, 2009, 3:14 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Scott » March 1st, 2010, 7:26 pm

Cheers, Merisi! A little positive feedback--as I'm sure you know--always goes a long way.

User avatar
eringayles
Posts: 69
Joined: March 1st, 2010, 9:29 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by eringayles » March 1st, 2010, 10:17 pm

shadow wrote:Ok guys I thought this would be fun! You never know when you need to improve your hook right? So this is how it works. The person who posts (in this case me) posts their opening sentence and the next person rates your first sentence from 1/10 on the scale of whether you would continiue off that sentence. In the same post you paste your opening and the next person rates and posts. Simple right? Ok here goes mine.

Vitiosus gazed at his father’s cold, light grey eyes, and for once realized that he would never be like the blood-thirsty king.
A bruised and swoolen sky watched over the cemetery as the coffins were lowered into the grave. Lester smiled.
{Two sentences. Sue me!)

Teri
Posts: 2
Joined: December 23rd, 2009, 11:49 am

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Teri » March 2nd, 2010, 12:26 pm

Everyone has great opening sentences. Not sure which one I like best. Here's mine:

"How to get mind-blowing, toe-curling sex" was the headline on the tabloid newspaper laying in the middle of her desk.

bcomet
Posts: 588
Joined: January 23rd, 2010, 2:11 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by bcomet » March 2nd, 2010, 3:02 pm

From a short story...

"No one had been in the house for two years and not in the winter closet for twelve."

Comments: Looking over first sentences that I have written, some are so abstract/incomplete without the following sentences and often paragraphs to make their impact. There is often a build-up, something that needs to be set in short bursts and longer sentences that wrap around the bursts that tell of the setting, the mood, the thought, the image, the character, the opening action.

I suppose that is one reason why, with writing prompts, a first or lone sentence will find so many paths through the imagination to the stories that are produced.

User avatar
HillaryJ
Posts: 434
Joined: February 3rd, 2010, 7:22 pm
Location: Alaska
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by HillaryJ » March 3rd, 2010, 2:40 am

Bcomet,

I like your opening sentence. I give it an 8 out of 10 (totally random, since I didn't take the time to decide what the scale is based on) for simple yet interesting. Such a line tells me that...wait for it...there is a story coming.

First line from my WIP urban fantasy:
"Someone I didn’t know was offering to enlarge my penis by the end of the week, and I was experiencing equal parts revulsion at the proposition and admiration for the courage it had taken to make it."

I have some concerns about the usage of the "p" word (not proposition) in the first line.
Blog http://www.hillaryjacques.blogspot.com
Twitter http://www.twitter.com/hillaryjacques
CARNIEPUNK - http://books.simonandschuster.com/Carni ... 1476714158
as Regan Summers - The Night Runner series from Carina Press

thecolour
Posts: 2
Joined: March 3rd, 2010, 6:29 am
Location: Nevada
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by thecolour » March 3rd, 2010, 7:46 am

Yea! First post. Anyway, I'm kind of hating it right now, but here it is.

"At the end of a very short lane sits a very large house with far too many windows and hardly any doors. "

bcomet
Posts: 588
Joined: January 23rd, 2010, 2:11 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by bcomet » March 3rd, 2010, 4:53 pm

"HillaryJ" said:

Bcomet,

I like your opening sentence. I give it an 8 out of 10 (totally random, since I didn't take the time to decide what the scale is based on) for simple yet interesting. Such a line tells me that...wait for it...there is a story coming.
Thanks, Hillary. I appreciate your comment. As I said, I think it can be hard to convey what is coming next in a first line.

-bcomet

User avatar
JBarracudaL
Posts: 6
Joined: March 2nd, 2010, 7:00 pm
Location: NJ
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by JBarracudaL » March 4th, 2010, 4:52 pm

Sure, why not?

"Hailey stood motionless in a dark, humid place, having no clue where she was or how she got there: Hailey was simply just there."

Oh yeah, it also plays into my ongoing theme of the novel's flow mimicking the stages of life.

User avatar
eringayles
Posts: 69
Joined: March 1st, 2010, 9:29 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by eringayles » March 5th, 2010, 10:31 am

thecolour wrote:Yea! First post. Anyway, I'm kind of hating it right now, but here it is.

"At the end of a very short lane sits a very large house with far too many windows and hardly any doors. "
I like it. It's quirky.

User avatar
Bryan Russell/Ink
Posts: 430
Joined: December 20th, 2009, 10:44 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Bryan Russell/Ink » March 5th, 2010, 11:03 am

eringayles wrote:
thecolour wrote:Yea! First post. Anyway, I'm kind of hating it right now, but here it is.

"At the end of a very short lane sits a very large house with far too many windows and hardly any doors. "
I like it. It's quirky.
I like this one too. It's got that flow and rhythm. And, yes, it's interesting in a quirky way.
The Alchemy of Writing at www.alchemyofwriting.blogspot.com

User avatar
eringayles
Posts: 69
Joined: March 1st, 2010, 9:29 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by eringayles » March 5th, 2010, 11:25 am

GeeGee55 wrote:Hillsy and Shandy Shin you've got something special. Here's mine and I don't really like it myself:

The Kelman baby died early in the strange, hot spring of 1938.
You SHOULD like it. It's got that 'something' that sends spiders down your spine.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 16 guests