Query: (YA sci-fi)

[Kniki]

Hello, I am currently submitting my novel to agents and it would be great to have some feedback on my query if anyone could spare the time! Thank you in advance!

Dear (Agent),

Please find enclosed a synopsis and the first three chapters of my novel, (Novel), for your consideration.

(Name) lives in a stark, monotonous city of the future, where life is dreary and grey with nothing to look forward to. She dreams of travelling to the stars, and her only hope is to be accepted into the flight academy to train as a space pilot. But it won't be easy.

Her parents aren’t keen on the idea, and even when she makes it through selection she has to contend with (Name), a fellow trainee who seems determined to have her thrown out of the academy.

(Names) become bitter rivals, but when their friends crash land on a mysterious planet inhabited by deadly insect-like creatures, the pair must work together to fight their common enemy – and they soon find out that the insects are not their biggest problem.

(Name) is a children’s/young adult science-fiction novel, complete at 47,000 words.

I hope to hear from you soon. Thank you very much for your time.

[Bron]

I'm no expert, but I think this is a really well-written query. You tell us enough about the protagonist that we understand her motivations, what she has to do and the stakes if she fails (her friends and possibly herself die if she can't co-operate with her enemy). You tell us enough to get us interested, but you don't tell us everything. The line 'they soon find that the insects are not their biggest problem' hints at more to come and would make me want to read on were I an agent.

The paragraph it fell down a little for me was when you talked about yourself. I really don't understand why you've included your age. I don't think it's relevant how old you are. And I think you need to detail your experience in the publishing industry. Call me a horrible cynic, but when someone makes a statement like that and doesn't go into detail, I assume their experience is making coffee at a publishing conference or something :-) I'm sure you do have actual experience, but I'd explain exactly what that experience is.

They're only minor quibbles though, you've done a great job on the hardest part - describing your story.

[Kniki]

Thanks very much for your feedback!

I did struggle with the bit about the biography - I wasn't really sure what to put. Not sure what's relevant! My experience was as an editorial assistant on a business magazine and work experience in a children's book publisher. Also I worked as a bookseller for a while. I don't really know what's worth including or not! I'll have a look at a few other people's queries and see what they've put. Thanks so much for pointing that out as I never would have considered that, I just rushed that bit off once I'd finished writing about the book!

[CoachMT]

Aside from the above, I'd recommend picking either children's or YA, not both. They are quite different genres and the agent will want to know that you have done your homework and know what category your book belongs in. I had the same problem my first go around too so I can sympathize! Nicely done though.

[Kniki]

Thanks for that tip too! I think the book is suitable for 10-14 year olds which is why I had difficulty placing it in either category. Would it be good to put that it is "a young adult science-fiction novel aimed at 10-14 year olds"?

[corriegarrett]

Your query is definitely more polished than many I've seen. I'm interested in Elena's fate already. The only thing is that I don't hear much of the 'voice' of your story. I don't think you should change much, because your synopsis is really great, but the one sentence, "But it won't be easy," is a little bland. We kind of assume it won't be easy, so maybe that's a place to add some sense of her character.

"But it won't be easy. Assuming easy is doing a back bend in a full body cast."

That's probably not the 'voice' you have, but it seems like a spot that could showcase Elena's attitude or humor or experience. Just a thought.

Great query. Good luck!