Children's Picture Book Query

[klbritt]

A friend and I have previously queried some agents with our children's picture book, but at the time it was 1550 words...most agents like to see MS under 900 words, so we've reworked the MS and are ready to submit to agents again. Below is the latest query that I'd love to get some feedback on - even though most of you don't write children's picture books, your advice is greatly valued!!

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Five-year-old Bridget loves dolls, animals, tea parties and building sandcastles, but definitely not bugs. While building a sandcastle outside, she’s bugged by a butterfly and becomes scared. Later that night, Bridget receives a surprise visit from that very same butterfly, who, using butterfly magic, explains that she needs some help. Bridget receives a very special gift from Abby the butterfly and together they fly to Abby’s home. With some creative thinking, Bridget helps Abby solve her problem, gains three new friends and finds she is no longer afraid of butterflies.

BRAVE BRIDGET is an 897-word picture book and stands alone, however we have ideas for a series of picture books dealing with bug phobias. I am the co-author and this is our first book.

Thank you for your consideration.

[McRouth]

Hi Kristie,

I've never written a children's book, but here it goes...

Five-year-old Bridget loves dolls, animals, tea parties and building sandcastles, but definitely not bugs. While building a sandcastle outside, she’s bugged by a butterfly and becomes scared. As the 2nd sentence in the query, this could be stronger. I suggest re-phrasing 'building sandcastles' (since the phrase is in sent. 1) and 'bugged by a butterfly.' I get that there is some wordplay going on there, but I'm not sure it works.Later that night, Bridget receives a surprise visit from that very same butterfly, who, using butterfly magic, explains that she needs some help. I'd like to know exactly what she needs help with. Bridget receives a very special gift from Abby the butterfly and together they fly to Abby’s home. With some creative thinking, Bridget helps Abby solve her problem, gains three new friends and finds she is no longer afraid of butterflies.

BRAVE BRIDGET is an 897-word picture book and stands alone, however we have ideas for a series of picture books dealing with bug phobias. I like the idea of writing bug phobia books, since so many kids get scared! I am the co-author and this is our first book.

Thank you for your consideration.