Two years ago, Honor’s best friend sent her an e-mail warning of a suspected outbreak. He then promptly disappeared.
-How old is Honor?
-I think you need to define who these people are, because if they're CDC doctors, this is not unusual. But if they're college students, this seems strange to do.
The pandemic creeps across the globe. Infected souls wander through burned out cities. Governments institute massive cover-ups. Across the globe millions vanish into quarantine or die. Worse, some won’t stay dead.
-"Governments institute massive cover-ups" This seems cliche to mention. I'd more like to know what Honor does. What is her story?
One family refuses to be victims, easy prey for government subterfuge or zombie jaws. With her ingenuity and advanced warning, rookie narcotics detective Honor leads these urban survivors through hordes of zombies and platoons of soldiers.
-Wait, now is this a story about the family or about Honor?
-Also, that's a very transparent and ridiculous name. Consider changing it.
-I don't think you need "ingenuity and advanced warning", that's implied with her armed forces background.
-Also, why does Honor help these people? What's in it for her? And is she betraying her duty by doing so?
When they reach their new wilderness home, they feel optimistic that the worst is over, until opportunistic bandits attack their hard-won sense of security. Surrounded on all sides by hostile forces, Honor and her family fight for their lives, their new home, and their understanding of what it means to be human.
-"opportunistic bandits attack their hard-won sense of security" this is wordy. All you need to say is bandits attack them. Then say what the consequences are of that. What changes?
-The last sentence means nothing, especially the "what does it mean to be human" part because you haven't demonstrated that theme at all throughtout the query.
-What are the stakes if Honor can't lead them to safety, or the family dies? It has to be more than "they die", you've got to give them something bigger to work for
-Also, where is safety? Is it some cabin in the wilderness, cause man, you haven't seen Evil Dead.
HONOR: A ZOMBIE TALE is a 100,000-word horror novel in which the cruelty of humans is scarier than any monster that goes bump in the night.
-That's actually pretty typical of zombie stories -- the human threat turns out to be more dangerous than the zombies.
-I suggest you watch Extra Credits' Zombies at
http://penny-arcade.com/patv/episode/zombies editorial for some more information that might help distinguish your query.