fooling around with loglines

[polymath]

I see whay you're saying, and as always, it's a great point. What I was thinking was more like stating Lewis' first step toward the resolution, rather than the resolution itself. "Ex-prizefighter Lewis 'Punch Punk' Leightman dares the dangers of untamed and unsettled Mexico when he discovers his presumed-dead sister is alive and held captive by a deranged Mexican fertility doctor."

This way it shows that he's getting off of his duff (and Twitter) to act and gives us a hint that this book will take us traveling through rural Mexico, where our imaginations can begin to extrapolate the dangers he'll encounter. (Or whatever it actually does.)

That's also an effective logline strategy. A bit over the "proscribed" twenty-five word limit and a bit run-on from preposition clauses and two parallel independent clauses joined with a conjunction, and causation is inverted.

Ex-prizefighter Lewis 'Punch Punk' Leightman discovers his presumed-dead sister is alive and held captive by a deranged fertility doctor. He mounts a forlorn rescue at the Doctor's Mexican cartel fortress.

Over twenty-five words, though.

[dios4vida]

I see whay you're saying, and as always, it's a great point. What I was thinking was more like stating Lewis' first step toward the resolution, rather than the resolution itself. "Ex-prizefighter Lewis 'Punch Punk' Leightman dares the dangers of untamed and unsettled Mexico when he discovers his presumed-dead sister is alive and held captive by a deranged Mexican fertility doctor."

This way it shows that he's getting off of his duff (and Twitter) to act and gives us a hint that this book will take us traveling through rural Mexico, where our imaginations can begin to extrapolate the dangers he'll encounter. (Or whatever it actually does.)

That's also an effective logline strategy. A bit over the "proscribed" twenty-five word limit and a bit run-on from preposition clauses and two parallel independent clauses joined with a conjunction, and causation is inverted.

Ex-prizefighter Lewis 'Punch Punk' Leightman discovers his presumed-dead sister is alive and held captive by a deranged fertility doctor. He mounts a forlorn rescue at the Doctor's Mexican cartel fortress.

Over twenty-five words, though.

Oh goodness. Twenty-five words? I was proud to have gotten it in one sentence.

Thanks for pointing out the inverted causation. I do that one all the time and have a hard time spotting it for some reason. Nice to know, so I can keep watching out for it.

I do notice that your newest version is two sentences. Is that more acceptable than going over twenty-five words or having the run-on and/or inverted structure? I've always heard "one sentence" like it HAD to be one sentence only. Obviously there are no hard-and-fast rules (are there?) but I'm just wondering which rule is "better" to bend, if not outright break.

[polymath]

Just fooling around, anything goes. Hollywood is mostly insistent on less than twenty-five words and no more than one sentence, maybe with one attached dependent clause. The first principle is that a logline should be memorable so a harried clerk can remind an absent-minded executive what project So-and-so is currently directing.

[Preacher]

This has turned out to be an interesting discussion and i am kind of glad i got it started. Lots of great information here and lots of things for me to work with and take out of this.

The first thing is that i intend to use the Less than Human logline as a blueprint for creating a tv show. I will work on the logline a bit and then see what shakes loose as i flesh the logline out some more. I have some cool ideas for it so i think it could be fun.

The other one, for Preacher's Blood, might be used later on as a movie idea, if i ever finish the darn novel part of the project.

Less Than Human, hmmmm, i really like the possibilities there.

[Preacher]

hmmm, let's see .....

Less Than Human - An ambitious reporter finds the story of a lifetime in a secret government lab, but in order to tell it he'll have to deal with some newfound abilities and dark men who will kill to keep the truth from coming out.

[Mira]

Loglines are often called taglines, too, and are pretty much the briefest and most evil explanation of your book possible. They're a tremendously fantastic way to see if you have an interesting plot, definite main characters, stakes, etc. but trying to write a good one is awful. You have to leave out so much good stuff!

Thanks, Brenda! I appreciate it

hmmm, let's see .....

Less Than Human - An ambitious reporter finds the story of a lifetime in a secret government lab, but in order to tell it he'll have to deal with some newfound abilities and dark men who will kill to keep the truth from coming out.

Preacher, that's good, but I might tighten it alittle more. Try this one on for size, and see what you think:

"In a goverment lab, a reporter finds the story of a lifetime about....., but he'll need to use his newfound ability to..... in order to escape in time."

I put the .....s in there, because I think the type of story and abilities might interest whomever you are pitching it to. Just a thought, if it doesn't work, please ignore.

[Preacher]

I am really thinking tv series here. I have the major story arc for a first season worked out in my head, kind of. I think I can make it work and have a vision of the first scene in my head. It centers around a spectacular train crash. But before I can do any of that I need to set up a real workspace for myself. My writing is sporadic at best because I don't have a clear and comfortable workspace. Sometimes I write at work, sometimes other places but work is changing and I won't be able to write there anymore. Once I set up that space I will buy a nice laptop computer and nice chair and get real serious about my writing. I realized that up until now I have not been as serious and dedicated as I should be.