I need a plot fix

[polymath]

Deaths are a matter of public record. Obituaries don't include addresses much anymore though. I expect the coroner's investigation into the girl's death would reveal her name to the man, maybe even her address. If the coroner or police weren't forthcoming with her address, he might get it from the municipal records office by simply giving her name and asking. Her apartment might be locked down and under surveilance, or part of an ongoing investigation, at least sealed with police tape until the investigation is over.

I would suspect she jumped because of a guilty act, or mens rea in legal terminology, or because she wanted to harm someone by her death. That's two out of three main reasons for suicides. Because she couldn't face her future, a third. Seems all three are invoked, which makes for a high tension scenario suggesting tension relief would be timely. Then tension could escalate again when he begins searching for her apartment. However, I'd want to leave him out of the investigation so he'd be free to further his investigation and for keeping the possibility open he's wanted as a person of interest.

[sarahdee]

If she says 'start with me' then surely she expects/wants him to poke about in her life. If she's going to kill herself anyway, why make it so hard for him? Could she not put the key down in front of him before jumping? Or leave a bag behind? Or a key turns up by post the next day? Just an idea.

I guess if I was going to do it (and I assure you I've never tried) I would try first to see if she left a spare and or force the lock by just kicking or ramming the door. Secondly I might go to the landlord and tell him I was a relative and ask for access. If he knows she is dead, maybe he won't care about letting someone in, especially if he's a dodgy sort and he was persuaded with a little cash.

I don't know if that would work, its just the only two avenues i would try. I'd be too scared to impersonate the police and I'd have no clue how to pick a lock.

[polymath]

For clarification of timely tension relief, I mean time for readers to absorb and process what the girl's suicide means. It artfully poses a dramatic question of why did she jump. Giving readers time to raise the question before partly answering it is the art of suspense. I say partly answer it because presumably the reason connects to the missing sister and artfully delaying those answers longer is a best practice. Also presumably, searching the girl's apartment should partly answer why she jumped but raise more questions and raise hope for finding the missing sister before it's too late.

[Preacher]

yes, there is definitely time and delay between the jump and when he will find answers as to why. Some of the answers will arise when he gets into her aartment but there will also be other questions that are raised. There are a few scenes, actually, between the jump and the answers.

What if before the woman jumped she left her purse there. That would have her keys and presumably her address. My MC takes the purse and hides it, not telling the police about it. He then goes and uses the key to get it and as he searches a detective shows up to investigate. This detective can also happen to be the same one that investigated the sister's disappearance. How does that sound?

[polymath]

What if before the woman jumped she left her purse there. That would have her keys and presumably her address. My MC takes the purse and hides it, not telling the police about it. He then goes and uses the key to get it and as he searches a detective shows up to investigate. This detective can also happen to be the same one that investigated the sister's disappearance. How does that sound?

That's all credible, certainly nothing coincidental either. My next question would be how to make it more dramatic. Like what if he takes the purse from the girl before they run up to the roof. Also, arriving at the apartment before the detective is logical. The man credibly might be aware the detective isn't far behind. A credible surprise might come from an intervening interruption by a bad guy already in the apartment and the man uses the bad guy's flight for drawing away the detective. The door is already open, voilà, but the detective is sure to return soon. Maybe another bad guy is waiting in the wings too.

[Preacher]

So then, the "head bad guy" finds out about the jumper and, wanting to cover his involvement, he sends a henchmen or two to the apartment to clean up the evidence and make sure it is safe for them. While they are doing this, my MC shows up with the key to go in and do a search, where he surprises the bad guy that are already there. Maybe a brief skirmish ensues. The detective arrives at the place just as the defeated bad guy is making an escape. The detective chases the bad guy, leaving the MC with at least a brief amount of time to do his search.

[polymath]

Works for me. Does all that fix the plot?

[Preacher]

it fixes what had been bothering me the most as i look at my manuscript and work on it. It includes the police, which i had completely left out. It gives me credible means of knowing who she is and where she lives. The purse solves that problem and since she obviously wants him poking around it is a credible fix. I also now have a dramatic scene at the apartment that i did not have the first time around, even involving the police as their investigation is sure to not be done at this point. So, yes, i think it fixes what was ailing me. I can go back and include those details and the drama will escalate a bit. And once he has done the initial search he can stay away from whatever the police are doing, as they will not really find anything and her death will end up being ruled a suicide.

Thank you!

[polymath]

Thank you too, for sharing your creative vision. I've wondered for some time how a developmental editor can contribute to a developing project, how to go about it effectively and how to keep from imposing an outside creative vision. Thanks for the insight and the practice.

[Mike Dickson]

What if when he arrived at the aprtment the door was already opened? The place is ransacked, maybe someone is dead inside as well? Maybe someone is darting out the window on to the fire escape?

[sarahdee]

What if before the woman jumped she left her purse there. That would have her keys and presumably her address. My MC takes the purse and hides it, not telling the police about it. He then goes and uses the key to get it and as he searches a detective shows up to investigate. This detective can also happen to be the same one that investigated the sister's disappearance. How does that sound?

That's all credible, certainly nothing coincidental either. My next question would be how to make it more dramatic. Like what if he takes the purse from the girl before they run up to the roof. Also, arriving at the apartment before the detective is logical. The man credibly might be aware the detective isn't far behind. A credible surprise might come from an intervening interruption by a bad guy already in the apartment and the man uses the bad guy's flight for drawing away the detective. The door is already open, voilà, but the detective is sure to return soon. Maybe another bad guy is waiting in the wings too.

If someone has already picked the lock and is in the apartment, that takes away the need for the bag being left? He could go there wondering how the hell he is going to break in and then it's done for him. Of course you still need to find her address but perhaps he has good computer skills? Just an idea :)