Auctorial Construct

[Sommer Leigh]

Author Elizabeth Bear recently posted on a great topic that I haven't seen discussed much or at length. It's not exactly about writing, but it is about being a writer, so I think it fits best here.

http://matociquala.livejournal.com/1947347.html

She posts about becoming an "auctorial construct." As in, her readers have made her into a fictional character. She says:

And they feel like they have ownership of that construct/fictional person, and sometimes they get very angry when I persist in being me and not the person they imagined. Which, I mean--okay, yeah. It happens to actors and musicians and sports figures a thousand-fold more, and politicians build their careers on capitalizing on this effect, but boy it takes some getting used to.

Sometimes, it's a little like dealing with 5,000 high school crushes. Sometimes it's like dealing with 5,000 high school enemies. Sometimes, I learn things about myself I did not know from my Wikipedia page.


I think this happens to popular bloggers too. We get this idea of who we think they are (or who we want them to be) and we think we know them because we read them every day. I wonder how different our perceptions are from the real thing. Furthermore, for those of us who blog, how different do you think people's ideas of you are from the real you? What do you guys think of this idea of "auctorial construct?" How do you feel about becoming a construct of your actual self for thousands of readers who think they know you? How do you think you'll deal with it when the real you and the fictional you collide in a post, review, or article written about you?

[Margo]

How do you feel about becoming a construct of your actual self for thousands of readers who think they know you? How do you think you'll deal with it when the real you and the fictional you collide in a post, review, or article written about you?

Wow, good issue to bring up. It so happens I saw a blog post ripping Bear to bits recently, real rant-quality stuff, and I thought to myself how glad I was not to be on the receiving end of something like that. Of course, it's probably just a matter of time, isn't it? Whether I get a novel published or not, I have a blog out there and I sometimes say things people disagree with rather vehemently.

I should say there is a difference between blog/forum me and irl me, and that's an intentional cultivation. I have encountered some people online that I would be comfortable inviting yay far >---------< into my real life, maybe in the future, but for the most part I want that separation of identity. I have been cyberstalked before, twice, or maybe once and a half since I managed to ward the second person off before it got out of hand. I definitely play a role online. It's an abbreviated version of me.

Possibly because I have that protected core, I'm able to take the meanest criticism and shrug, because it's usually off the mark when it comes to my core identity. However, we are talking about personal criticism, not criticism of my work. So far, the reviews of my work have been 99% positive, with the exception of someone who took issue with an article I wrote. I have less of an emotional attachment to my articles than I do to my stories, so I was also able to shrug that off. But what will happen when someone shreds one of my stories or a novel? Oh dear. I don't know. That stuff is linked directly to the core identity. Scary stuff.

[Sommer Leigh]

Possibly because I have that protected core, I'm able to take the meanest criticism and shrug, because it's usually off the mark when it comes to my core identity. However, we are talking about personal criticism, not criticism of my work. So far, the reviews of my work have been 99% positive, with the exception of someone who took issue with an article I wrote. I have less of an emotional attachment to my articles than I do to my stories, so I was also able to shrug that off. But what will happen when someone shreds one of my stories or a novel? Oh dear. I don't know. That stuff is linked directly to the core identity. Scary stuff.

I can take criticism and for the most part it doesn't bother me. I've been a blog or website presence long enough that I've dealt with my fair share of trolls and I've engaged (poorly) in screaming arguments where the nature of the argument was long lost. Experience has helped me be smart about when to engage and when to let enough alone and when I receive negative comments it doesn't get to me at all. The negative ones are always fewer and farther between than the positive anyway.

But when Elizabeth mentions how it feels when a book reviewer claims to want to stab her (HER the author) for writing something, it becomes suddenly scary and weird and uncomfortable. I don't know how that will feel when it happens to me.

[polymath]

I've been a victim of idol worship phenomena on both fronts. I put idols on a pedestal, devoted to them my dying breath, only to have them tarnished by being their human selves, which happened so many times before I reached adulthood that I no longer can worship idols. And being put on a pedestal by others. It is creepy to have someone or many someones worship one's self. One is too many for me.

During my shortlived local celebrity as a cultural history columnist, I attracted an approving fan base of several thousand admirers and a few malcontents with a malicious streak. I freaked a little when someone unknown to me recognized me in public. Oh my, you're So-and-so! Worse, ad hominem, ad nauseam hate mail, e-mails, letters to the editor set my goiter aflame.

It's tough to live up to or down to an image. It's tougher to be someone I'm not. At every turn, someone is projecting their image on me of what I should be. Lifestyle advice, behavior advice, though they're thinly veiled self-serving imperatives disguised by caring concerns. I'm not a tin soldier or baby doll to be dressed up and made to behave as a child's plaything. This is me: I am what I am, what I choose to be, what the fates have chosen for me, and whatever combination of predetermination and free will I manage to navigate for my best course.

I'll bend over backward to appease persons I respect. I give everyone the benefit of doubt at first. I'll give anyone a second or perhaps third chance when my trust has been betrayed. I'll compromise if I'm met part way. I can't respect anyone who won't compromise. No compromise means to me I cannot earn or do not deserve an uncompromising person's consideration or respect. It's a cold shoulder. It's shunning, the worst social punishment there is. For me, life's a courtly dance. It takes two to tango. Sometimes it's a knife fight; sometimes a riot. I choose my battles based upon my principles. But I say, Let's tango.

Anyway, no more will I use my given name, no more photographs, no more private access. Protecting my privacy is paramount. It's a pen name or two for me, individual user names for any given online venue, and iconographic graphics.