Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy

[priya g.]

i have to give you this- you work hard and the improvements are visible with each of your versions. some pointers:

Dear Agent:

Prophets have foretold her coming, a woman who will be a powerful weapon against the wicked Gods of Destruction PERFECT BEGINNING- NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHO SHE IS, WHERE WILL SHE COME FROM, HOW SHE WILL REACH HER GOAL AND WHO WILL GUIDE- MY POINT IN RAISING THESE QUESTIONS IS THAT THE QUERY SHOULD ANSWER THEM ONE BY ONE. SO HERE GOES. College student, Eliahna Shay, has been born with the rare ability to become a Chosen, a secret group of men and women who act as the chosen hand HMMM- HOW ABOUT CLARIFYING 'CHOSEN HAND'? EG THEIR POWERS of their patron God on earth.

The Gods of Destruction seek to destroy the benevolent Gods of Creation, and obliterate every trace of love and compassion in the world, turning it into a place of terror and chaos I LOVE THIS SENTENCE. They will try to break Eliahna's heart and spirit before she is Chosen, making her vulnerable to the seductive lies of evil and transforming her into a vicious force of Destruction ANOTHER GOOD SENTENCE- BUT I WANT TO KNOW: WHY HER? IS SHE SPECIAL-ER THAN THEM? DOES SHE HAVE GREATER POWERS? A GOOD WAY TO EXPLAIN THIS WILL BE BY PUTTING A BASIC OUTLINE OF THE CHOSEN'S CHARACTERISTICS IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND A LINE ABOUT WHAT MORE SHE HAS.

Chosen, Aiden Klemenson, has been assigned by the Gods of Creation to mentor Eliahna. He will try to teach her how to survive the attempts on her life, and to harness the fierce magic insider TYPO BUT NO BIG DEAL of her that is growing stronger by the day. But first he must convince her that Gods and magic are real. THIS SENTENCE JUST BRINGS IT ALL OUT- AND I LOVE IT TOO.

All Eliahna wants to do is pass her classes, and find a nice guy after dating a string of losers. Instead, with the aid of her handsome mentor, she has to try to attract the attention of a God or Goddess- someone her atheist upbringing insists doesn't exist PERFECT. Eliahna soon learns that it's hard to argue about the reality of the supernatural when a demon tries to eat you HMMM- MAKE THE 'WHEN A DEMON TRIES TO EAT YOU' A BIT MORE DEADLY, THE BEGINNING OF THE SENTENCE IS CATCHY BUT THIS PART LETS IT DOWN.

CHOSEN BY THE GODS is a completed 90,000 word urban fantasy with romantic elements, in the vein of Laurell K Hamilton and Kim Harrison.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

i will repeat- tonnes of improvements! hope i helped.