First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

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emvtc
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Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

Post by emvtc » September 5th, 2010, 2:33 am

Hmm... What I have to say is, show us more of how she's feeling - the why. Why is she so snarky? Snarky characters can be great - but the why is very important. Give us hints to that. Is she channeling her hurt into anger? Or is it fear? I don't have a problem with her being mean, because people aren't always nice. It's pretty realistic, but at the same time I might tone it down a little bit, because too much of anything is bad and can be kind of distracting. But otherwise the voice is really strong. Good job. The mystery as to the circumstances surrounding her friend's death is a great hook, too.
I want to unfold. I don't want to be folded anywhere, because there, where I'm folded, I am a lie.
Rilke

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