First 250 words

[Jasmine]

Title: The Knowings
Genre: YA/Fantasy/Syfy
First 250 words
In the flutter of a bird’s wing, an ache swelled within Kewanee Kavanagh’s stomach. She ignored the warning, and dashed aboard the derelict ferryboat with her older brother, Aidan. She raced Aidan to the top deck, threw her backpack on a bench, and inhaled her last day of freedom. For tomorrow, she began her junior year at Gibraltar High.
A horn blasted, and the boat chugged for Washington Island, seven miles from Wisconsin’s thumb. With her left eye closed against the sun, Kewanee scanned Lake Michigan, where a graveyard of shipwrecks, war canoes, brigs, and schooners littered the sea bed.
“Is your creepy eye going to find us treasure today?” Aidan asked.
“Creepy?” Kewanee’s eyes widened. “Watch out or I’ll cast a spell on you with my witching eye.”
“Whatever, Aidan said.”
She sighed. Why can’t I think before I blurt? She knew Aidan was teasing, but it still hurt. Will I ever get over my deformity? She tried laughing at herself when anyone mocked her right eye, but she didn’t always succeed. Her left eye was emerald green, but her right eye was green on top and hazel on the bottom. A definite defect.
She nudged Aidan, hoping to redeem herself, and then pointed to the remains of a century old sailing ship preserved by the icy waters of the lake.
Aidan smiled his toothy grin, giving her a thumbs-up.
When they crossed the Straights of Devil’s Door, Captain Braun narrated the history of sunken shipwrecks scattered below.

[The.Otherworlds]

It's fun and I like the vibe of it-relxed, a little witty, feels like teenagers which it obviously is supposed to. Hints at a little more and makes the reader intrigued about what sort of story this is and where it's gonna go. LOVELY!

[cevomis285]

Wow, I really like the vibe of this opening — it’s got atmosphere, sibling dynamic, and a hint of something deeper with Kewanee’s eye. I’m curious though: is her eye just a cosmetic difference, or does it have some kind of power or meaning in the story? It feels like it might be important later, but I wasn’t totally sure.

[statebystate]

I like it! It definitely peeks my interest, especially to know where it's going. Is it about treasure seekers? Is her eye not really a curse, is it a blessing that gives her special powers? It all sets up mystery and seems like it will lead to adventure. The only thing that pulled me out were two tiny things. In the first part you used Aidan's name to introduce him, then immediately used it again, which seemed a little redundant. I think it could have been just 'him'. That of course is just my humble opinion, but it did make me stop and reread the paragraph. Also I reread "Whatever, Aidan said.” Twice because it seemed like a typo. Just two tiny things and I hope you take this as super positive. It was good enough that I want to read more! Not bad considering I'm in my 40s and this is written for YA. I will be looking for when you want a beta reader because I really want to know where this story goes!!!