REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Ugh. You got stuck writing a synopsis. Help is on the way.
EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 12th, 2010, 4:26 pm

REVISED SYNOPSIS - further down on this thread (still page 1, I believe). Thanks for all the feedback so far!
------------------------------------------

Thanks to everyone who commented on my query letter. I'm tinkering with this 2 page synopsis (ugh! synopses are so hard!) and would really appreciate any thoughts to help tighten it up. Thank you!

Seventeen-year old Helene Jacobsen is usually alone when she visits her mom's gravestone in sunny Southern California, but not today. As she tells her mom a funny story about school, a pair of boots crunch on the dry grass in the hills behind her. A boy in Victorian clothes stares at her from the brush, and he smiles as if he knows her. But as soon as Helene tries to talk to him, he bolts. She chases after the mysterious stranger, but he outruns her and disappears in the distance in a flash of blue light.

Nineteen-year old Leo Andreyev, a prince from 1860s St. Petersburg, Russia, can't believe who he's just seen on the other side of his time portal. The girl looks exactly like Princess Lena Dashkova, his childhood crush and best friend. But there's one major problem: Lena vanished fourteen years ago, when she was only three, and everyone assumed she was dead. And it had been Leo's fault.

Helene doesn't see Leo again for months, and she's beginning to wonder if she imagined him. After all, who goes hiking in a Victorian hunting costume? But just as she begins to doubt his existence, Leo reappears and asks her out.

One date leads to another, and another, and another. As they get to know each other better, Helene mentions she was adopted when she was three years old. She doesn't remember anything before that, but Leo is convinced that he does. He whisks her away to 1860s St. Petersburg and reveals to Helene that he's a nineteenth century Russian prince. She recognizes his palace without knowing why, and he tells her it's because she's been there before. She's Princess Lena.

They still don't know how Helene ended up one hundred and fifty years in the future, but Helene and Leo begin to untangle their histories as they fall head over heels for each other.

Yet love across centuries is complicated, especially when a time portal is the only bridge that links the pair. When an ancient secret society steals control of the portal, Helene and Leo track them down and outsmart them at their own game. But it isn't the end of their troubles. A raging brush fire threatens the portal, and Helene and Leo have to make a quick decision whether to stay together in the past or present, or whether to return to their own times for good.

Leo is willing to leave everything behind to stay in the present. But having read his biography, Helene knows he is destined for great things, and that Russia needs his leadership. She can't follow him and abandon her family, who rely on her, but she won't let Leo sacrifice his country for her sake, either. So she tells him she loves him, apologizes, and shoves him through the portal, only a moment before it bursts into flame.

The time portal is reduced to ashes. Stranded and alone again, Helene resigns herself to moving on. She's lost important people in her life before, and heartbreak is a lot like mourning, in many ways. As the pain numbs after a week, Helene tries to go back to her old life, including her afterschool job at the café downtown. At the end of the night, she ducks into the storeroom to retrieve some new supplies. But when she returns to the main room of the café, she's no longer alone. Leo is there, waiting for her. It took him awhile, but he found another portal that allowed him to return to her. Helene leaps into his arms, and this time, she promises she will never let him go.
Last edited by EvelynEhrlich on July 14th, 2010, 6:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

WilliamMJones
Posts: 82
Joined: May 21st, 2010, 10:10 pm
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by WilliamMJones » July 12th, 2010, 4:40 pm

This seems like an interesting story. I would suggest giving a little more info about how they outsmart the ones who took over the portal. Why did the society take over the portal in the first place?

Another thing, how does Leo recognize Helen? If she was only three when he last saw her, wouldn't she have changed alot?

User avatar
sarahdee
Posts: 140
Joined: June 29th, 2010, 9:48 pm
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by sarahdee » July 12th, 2010, 11:40 pm

Hiya, Its tricky getting everything in but keeping it short - I struggled so much with mine. Here's a few idea's but not sure how much it shaves off. Great story though and best of luck.

[s]Seventeen-year old[/s] Helene Jacobsen[color=#FF0000], aged seventeen,[/color] [s]is usually alone when she[/s] [color=#FF0000]often[/color] visits her mom's gravestone in sunny Southern California[s], but not today[/s] [color=#FF0000]alone[/color]. [color=#FF0000]Today,[/color] [s]A[/s]as [s]she[/s] [color=#FF0000]Helene[/color] tells her mom a funny story about school, [s]a pair of boots crunch on the dry grass in the hills behind her[/s] [color=#FF0000]she hears a noise behind her[/color]. A boy in Victorian clothes stares at her from the brush, and he smiles as if he knows her. [s]But a[/s][color=#FF0000]A[/color]s soon as Helene tries to talk to him, he bolts. She chases after the mysterious stranger, but he [s]outruns her and[/s] disappears in the distance in a flash of blue light.

Nineteen-year old Leo Andreyev, a prince from 1860s St. Petersburg, Russia, can't believe who he's just seen on the other side of his time portal. [s]The girl [/s] [color=#FF0000]Helene[/color] looks exactly like Princess Lena Dashkova, his childhood crush [color=#0000FF](do you mean a crush on a 3 year old?)[/color]and best friend[s]. But there's one major problem: Lena[/s] [color=#FF0000]who[/color] vanished fourteen years ago, when she was only three[s], and [/s][color=#FF0000]Everyone assumed she was dead and it had been Leo's fault.[/color]

[s]Helene doesn't see Leo again for months, and she's beginning to wonder if[/s][color=#FF0000]When Helene doesn't see Leo for moths she wonders i[/color]f she imagined him. [s]After all, who goes hiking in a Victorian hunting costume?[/s] [s]But j[/s][color=#FF0000]J[/color]ust as she begins to doubt his existence, Leo reappears and asks her out.

One date leads to another[s], and another, and another. [/s]As they get to know each other better, Helene mentions she was adopted when she was three years old. She doesn't remember anything before that, but Leo is convinced that he does. He whisks her away to 1860s St. Petersburg and reveals to Helene that he's a nineteenth century Russian prince. She recognizes his palace without knowing why, and he tells her it's because she's been there before. She'[s]s[/s] [color=#FF0000]is[/color] Princess Lena.

They still don't know how Helene ended up one hundred and fifty years in the future, but Helene and Leo begin to untangle their histories as they fall head over heels for each other.

[s]Yet[/s] love across centuries is complicated[s],[/s] ; especially when a time portal is [s]the only bridge that links the pair[/s] [color=#FF0000]involved[/color]. When an ancient secret society steals control of the portal, Helene and Leo track them down and outsmart them at their own game. [s]But it isn't the end of[/s] [color=#FF0000]To add to[/color] their troubles[s]. A[/s] a raging brush fire threatens the portal, and Helene and Leo have to make a quick decision whether to stay together in the past or present[s], or whether to return to their own times for good.[/s] [color=#0000FF](if they decide 'past' then thats returning to their own times so you don't need this bit??)[/color]

Leo is willing to leave everything behind to stay in the present[s]. B[/s][color=#FF0000], b[/color]ut having read his biography, Helene knows he is destined for great things, and that Russia needs his leadership. She can't [s]follow him and[/s] abandon her family, who rely on her, but she won't let Leo sacrifice his country for her sake, either. So she tells him she loves him, apologizes, and shoves him through the portal, only a moment before it bursts into flame.

The time portal is reduced to ashes. Stranded and alone again, Helene resigns herself to moving on. She's lost important people in her life before, and heartbreak is a lot like mourning, in many ways. As the pain numbs after a week, Helene tries to go back to her old life, including her afterschool job at the café downtown. [s]At the end of the night, she ducks into the storeroom to retrieve some new supplies. But when she returns to the main room of the café, she's no longer alone. [/s][color=#FF0000]One night she enters the cafe and finds[/color] Leo is there, waiting for her. It took him awhile, but he found another portal that allowed him to return to her. Helene leaps into his arms, and this time, she promises she will never let him go.

User avatar
sarahdee
Posts: 140
Joined: June 29th, 2010, 9:48 pm
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by sarahdee » July 12th, 2010, 11:42 pm

Oops sorry, hope you can read that. It was lovely and colour coded on my page but my changes are a bit of a mess when when I submitted!

EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 13th, 2010, 4:25 pm

WilliamMJones - thanks for the input. I'll add more detail about the secret society and how Helene and Leo outsmart them. I'm not sure what to do about explaining how Leo recognizes Lena/Helene in the first place, but I'll tinker with it.

sarahdee - thanks, I think I deciphered where the strikethroughs and colors are supposed to be. :) Thanks for taking the time to redline the synopsis and help shorten it.

WilliamMJones
Posts: 82
Joined: May 21st, 2010, 10:10 pm
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by WilliamMJones » July 13th, 2010, 4:44 pm

I'm not sure what would happen if you hit post, but when I qouted sarahdee and hit preveiw, it let me see all of the strikes and colors.

User avatar
Quill
Posts: 1059
Joined: March 17th, 2010, 9:20 pm
Location: Arizona
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by Quill » July 14th, 2010, 12:14 am

EvelynEhrlich wrote: Seventeen-year old Helene Jacobsen is usually alone when she visits her mom's gravestone in sunny Southern California, but not today.
Gravestone is a bit odd. Wouldn't she more accurately be visiting the grave rather than the stone?

Also, I think you might be saying "in sunny Southern Cal" to let us know where this story takes place, but it made me wonder, by the context, if Helene made a road trip there from another part of the country. It stuck out as being not smooth and clear.
As she tells her mom a funny story about school, a pair of boots crunch on the dry grass in the hills behind her.
This sentence reads a little awkward to me:

1. "Tells her mom" seems slightly off, sounding like her mom is definitely there, as opposed to talks to her mom or speaks to the grave. It is probably all right, though.

2. "A pair of boots" seems a shift in perspective. A bit jarring for her to hear a crunch and immediately she/we know exactly what is causing it. Actually you name the cause (boots) even before the effect (crunch).

3. "In the hills behind her" is also a bit jarring. A crunch becomes a distant crunch, we don't know how distant. Hills? How many hills?

I don't feel locked into the setting and action by this description, I feel I'm struggling to get there.
A boy in Victorian clothes stares at her from the brush, and he smiles as if he knows her. But as soon as Helene tries to talk to him, he bolts.
"Tries to talk to him"? How about having her actually say something, and then he bolts.
She chases after the mysterious stranger, but he outruns her and disappears in the distance in a flash of blue light.
She chases him? Why? It seems aggressive on her part. He outruns her? A spontaneous race? If he outruns her, why does he have to disappear?

Perhaps consider playing down the race aspect in your description to allow more room for "mysterious" and "disappears". Maybe it is more that she simply follows him?

Otherwise explain her compunction for hot pursuit?
Nineteen-year old Leo Andreyev, a prince from 1860s St. Petersburg, Russia,
Best to put the exact year, lest he be travelling just from a decade.
can't believe who he's just seen on the other side of his time portal.
"His" time portal sticks out for me. Can it be "the" time portal?
The girl looks exactly like Princess Lena Dashkova, his childhood crush and best friend. But there's one major problem:
Suggest omitting "major" as it is unlikely a vernacular he would use. Even the set up line "But there's one major problem:" seems very modern, and is so very common in queries, besides. How about simply "But Lena vanished..."?
Lena vanished fourteen years ago, when she was only three, and everyone assumed she was dead. And it had been Leo's fault.
Wait, a three year old girl was the five year old prince's crush and best friend? How long had they been going together?

Helene doesn't see Leo again for months,
Sounds like she knows his name already. Would it be better to say "the stranger"? When does he go from being "mysterious stranger" to "Leo"?
and she's beginning to wonder if she imagined him. After all, who goes hiking in a Victorian hunting costume? But just as she begins to doubt his existence, Leo reappears and asks her out.
Redundant "begin"s and questioning of his reality.

How about simply "she wonders if she imagined him" and eliminate the second reference ( But just as she begins to doubt his existence,)?

Can you eliminate the "Victorian" which is a repeat word and sounds a bit specific for her? Also the "After all" which doesn't add power. How about "Who goes hiking in an old European hunting costume?" or something. Just a thought.

Also, "asks her out"? Might be better to spell this out, to eliminate one more modern phrase and also answer the question, where does a timetraveller from the 19th century take a 21st century young woman.
One date leads to another, and another, and another. As they get to know each other better,
I think you can eliminate "better" as being included in the act of getting to know.
Helene mentions she was adopted when she was three years old.
The word "old" sticks out for me. Could you say "at age three", which also emphasizes the number.
She doesn't remember anything before that, but Leo is convinced that he does.
This might be best broken into two sentences to improve the drama and eliminate a "but" from the synopsis.
He whisks her away to 1860s St. Petersburg
Again, this will be more potent if you can give the exact year, rather than having her whisked to a decade.

Also, "whisks" seems a bit pat considering the time travel, portals, and all that must be involved here. Couldn't you say a bit about that?
and reveals to Helene that he's a nineteenth century Russian prince.
Definitely suggest omitting "nineteenth century" as it is a) impossibly vague, and b) obvious, since they are in the year 186_.
She recognizes his palace without knowing why, and he tells her it's because she's been there before.
Again, break into two sentences. Build the drama. Otherwise it sounds like a breathless retelling.
She's Princess Lena.

They still don't know how Helene ended up one hundred and fifty years in the future, but Helene and Leo begin to untangle their histories as they fall head over heels for each other.
This is good. The story is very nice.
Yet love across centuries is complicated,
This is editorial-voice intrusion and probably should be removed from the story synopsis.
especially when a time portal is the only bridge that links the pair.
This could be explained better. We've entered another part of the story and need a smoother transition.
When an ancient secret society steals control of the portal,
Things are kicking into another gear and might need to be slowed down for the reader. For starters, suggest omitting "When" and let the statement stand on its own.
Helene and Leo track them down and outsmart them at their own game.
Good, but too much of a summary. We need the skeleton of the story of how they do this, I think.
But it isn't the end of their troubles.
This is more author intrusion, breaking the storytelling, and should probably be omitted.
A raging brush fire threatens the portal, and Helene and Leo have to make a quick decision
Instead of "have to make a quick decision" how about simply "must decide".
whether to stay together in the past or present,
I would say "in the past or the present" to avoid any confusion about the word present (which can be read as a verb).
or whether to return to their own times for good.

Leo is willing to leave everything behind to stay in the present.
Wouldn't it be "travel to the present" or somesuch, as when last we knew where he and her were, it was Russia 186_?

Have they returned to the future? Where is this secret society based, by the way, it might be good to know (1860 or 2010)?

But having read his biography, Helene knows he is destined for great things, and that Russia needs his leadership.
Doesn't this prove he stayed in 1860?
She can't follow him and abandon her family, who rely on her,
Rely on her how, for what? This is the first we've heard that she has responsibilities other than what we might expect for a teen in school.
but she won't let Leo sacrifice his country for her sake, either. So she tells him she loves him, apologizes, and shoves him through the portal, only a moment before it bursts into flame.
Good stuff. Omit "apologizes" as it weakens the drama here.
The time portal is reduced to ashes.
This can safely be omitted.
Stranded and
This can also be omitted. It is plenty strong to just say she is alone. Stranded from him, but technically she is not stranded, she is home.
alone again, Helene resigns herself to moving on. She's lost important people in her life before, and heartbreak is a lot like mourning, in many ways. As the pain numbs after a week, Helene tries to go back to her old life, including her afterschool job at the café downtown. At the end of the night,
The timeline is not completely clear. She plays hooky from her job for a week? What about the time in Russia? At the end of which night, the first night?

she ducks into the storeroom to retrieve some new supplies.
Awkward. Retrieve means to get back. One normally does not get back what is new. Supplies is also vague; how much richer if you said paper cups, or something specific.
But
Watch the "but" count. This one can probably be eliminated.
when she returns to the main room of the café, she's no longer alone. Leo is there, waiting for her.
Omit "she's no longer alone" which isn't adding to the suspense. Go straight to "Leo is there..."
It took him awhile,
Omit. Vague and unneeded. You already told us it has been a week since she got back.
but he found another portal
This is a fine denouement but as written sounds almost too easy.
that allowed him to return to her.
Omit as obvious to him being there and you saying he found a way.
Helene leaps into his arms, and this time, she promises she will never let him go.
Omit "and this time" as it weakens the drama.

Question: how did the prince's future exploits get written up in those Russian history books if he wasn't there?

EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 14th, 2010, 1:20 am

Quill - As always, your comments are golden. Thank you so much!

EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 14th, 2010, 6:12 pm

Quill, to answer your questions:

- you're right, the opening scene is more Helene-following-him-out-of-curiosity, less "hot pursuit."

- you cracked me up with "lest he be travelling just from a decade." He's from 1860 -- the year, not the decade.

- Agreed, the phrase "childhood crush" is confusing, especially since they were three and five years old, respectively. It was a poor attempt at concisely saying they were betrothed because their parents arranged their engagement as soon as Lena was born, since powerful families often tried to ally themselves with each other by marrying their children. Still, your question "how long have they been going together?" made me laugh aloud, several times.

- I forgot to clarify that after Leo takes Helene to 1860, they come back, and the rest of the story takes place in the present. Oops.

- the biography of Leo isn't necessarily proof that he'll stay in 1860. It's part of the theme of the book, Free Will vs. Fate/Predetermination, as well as a conundrum of time travel (if his story is already written, can he change it? Because from Helene's place in time, Leo's life has already taken place, hence it's written up. But from Leo's place in time, it's yet to happen, so he can still do whatever he wants. Or can he?) Too complicated to get into in the synopsis, yet I had to mention the biography briefly or else it wouldn't make any sense why Helene would force him to leave her to return to 1860.

Thanks again for all your thoughtful comments. I'm revising the synopsis accordingly.

EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 14th, 2010, 6:35 pm

REVISED SYNOPSIS - I added in more detail about the climax, but I'm not sure if it's clear what the secret society is about. Thoughts? Thank you!

Seventeen-year old Helene Jacobsen is usually alone when she visits her mom's grave, but not today. Something stirs on the drought-plagued hill just outside the cemetery wall, but she assumes it's a deer foraging in the dead grass. When another branch snaps behind her, Helene turns around. A boy in Victorian clothes stares at her from the brush, and he smiles as if he knows her. But as soon as Helene speaks, he bolts. She tries to follow the mysterious stranger, but he disappears in the distance in a flash of blue light.

Nineteen-year old Leo Andreyev, a Russian prince from 1860, can't believe who he's just seen on the other side of the time portal. The girl looks exactly like Princess Lena Dashkova, his childhood best friend and the girl his parents had arranged for him to marry. But Lena vanished fourteen years ago, when she was only three, and everyone assumed she was dead. And it had been Leo's fault.

Helene doesn't see the mysterious boy again for months, and she wonders if she imagined him. After all, who goes hiking in an old European hunting costume? But as soon as she gives up on seeing him again, Leo reappears and invites her to a picnic in the park.

One date leads to another, and another, and another. As they get to know each other, Helene mentions she was adopted at age three. She doesn't remember anything before that. But Leo is convinced that he does. He whisks her through the time portal to St. Petersburg in 1860 and reveals to Helene that he's a Russian prince. She recognizes his palace without knowing why. He tells her it's because she's been there before. She's Princess Lena.

They still don't know how Helene ended up one hundred and fifty years in the future, but Helene and Leo begin to untangle their histories as they fall head over heels for each other.

Back in the present, they soon realize they aren't the only ones who know about the portal. The Sentries of Time -- an ancient secret society sworn to preserve history by eradicating time travel -- are on their trail. Two of the Sentries steal Leo's medallion necklace, which controls the portal. Then Helene discovers, to her dismay, that the Sentries are her close friend, Scott, and his dad.

They are rogue members of the Sentries. Instead of trying to destroy the time portal to protect history from being altered, Scott and his dad want to use it for their own purposes, namely, gaming the stock market. In a heated discussion, they try to tempt Helene and Leo to join them, to no avail. The Sentries scuffle briefly with Leo, but he's an officer of the Russian Imperial Army, and they're no match for him. Defeated, they return the medallion and agree to leave Helene and Leo alone.

At the same time, a raging brush fire threatens the portal. Helene and Leo must decide whether to stay together in the past or the present. Leo is willing to leave everything behind. But having read his biography, Helene knows he is destined for great things, and that Russia needs his leadership. She can't abandon her family, but she won't let Leo sacrifice his country for her sake, either. So she tells him she loves him and shoves him through the portal, only a moment before it bursts into flame.

Alone again, Helene resigns herself to moving on. She's lost important people in her life before, and heartbreak is a lot like mourning, in many ways. A week after the portal crumbles to ash, Helene is back at her afterschool job at the café downtown. After all the customers leave for the night, she ducks into the storeroom to retrieve some spare light bulbs. When she returns to the main room of the café, Leo is there. He found another time portal, five hundred miles away. Helene leaps into his arms, and she promises she will never let him go.

WilliamMJones
Posts: 82
Joined: May 21st, 2010, 10:10 pm
Contact:

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by WilliamMJones » July 14th, 2010, 7:20 pm

EvelynEhrlich wrote:REVISED SYNOPSIS - I added in more detail about the climax, but I'm not sure if it's clear what the secret society is about. Thoughts? Thank you!

Seventeen-year old Helene Jacobsen is usually alone when she visits her mom's grave, but not today. Something stirs on the drought-plagued hill just outside the cemetery wall, but she assumes it's a deer foraging in the dead grass. I'm not sure this detail is necassery. When another branch snaps behind her, Helene turns around. A boy in Victorian clothes stares at her from the brush, and he smiles as if he knows her. But as soon as Helene speaks, he bolts. She tries to follow the mysterious stranger, but he disappears in the distance in a flash of blue light.

Nineteen-year old Leo Andreyev, a Russian prince from 1860, can't believe who he's just seen on the other side of the time portal. The girl looks exactly like Princess Lena Dashkova, his childhood best friend and the girl his parents had arranged for him to marry. But Lena vanished fourteen years ago, when she was only three, and everyone assumed she was dead. And that it had been Leo's fault.

Helene doesn't see the mysterious boy again for months, and she wonders if she imagined him. After all, who goes hiking in an old European hunting costume? But as soon as she gives up on seeing him again, Leo reappears and invites her to a picnic in the park.

One date leads to another, and another, and another. As they get to know each other, Helene mentions she was adopted at age three. She doesn't remember anything before that. But Leo is convinced that he does. This sentance seems a little off. He whisks her through the time portal to St. Petersburg in 1860 and reveals to Helene that he's a Russian prince. She recognizes his palace without knowing why. He tells her it's because she's been there before. She's Princess Lena.

They still don't know how Helene ended up one hundred and fifty years in the future, but Helene and Leo begin to untangle their histories as they fall head over heels for each other.

Back in the present, they soon realize they aren't the only ones who know about the portal. The Sentries of Time -- an ancient secret society sworn to preserve history by eradicating time travel -- are on their trail. Two of the Sentries steal Leo's medallion necklace, which controls the portal. Then Helene discovers, to her dismay, that the Sentries are her close friend, Scott, and his dad. The society and it's purpose is clear enough.

They are rogue members of the Sentries. Instead of trying to destroy the time portal to protect history from being altered, Scott and his dad want to use it for their own purposes, namely, gaming the stock market. In a heated discussion, they try to tempt Helene and Leo to join them, to no avail. The Sentries scuffle briefly with Leo, but he's an officer of the Russian Imperial Army, and they're no match for him. Defeated, they return the medallion and agree to leave Helene and Leo alone. This doesn't seem like a very permanent resolution. Is there anything to keep them from trying again?

At the same time, a raging brush fire threatens the portal. Helene and Leo must decide whether to stay together in the past or the present. Leo is willing to leave everything behind. But having read his biography, Helene knows he is destined for great things, and that Russia needs his leadership. She can't abandon her family, but she won't let Leo sacrifice his country for her sake, either. So she tells him she loves him and shoves him through the portal, only a moment before it bursts into flame.

Alone again, Helene resigns herself to moving on. She's lost important people in her life before, and heartbreak is a lot like mourning, in many ways. A week after the portal crumbles to ash, Helene is back at her afterschool job at the café downtown. After all the customers leave for the night, she ducks into the storeroom to retrieve some spare light bulbs. When she returns to the main room of the café, Leo is there. He found another time portal, five hundred miles away. Helene leaps into his arms, and she promises she will never let him go.

EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

Re: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 14th, 2010, 10:21 pm

Thanks, WilliamMJones. Regarding whether there's anything to keep the Sentries from trying again, you're right: the short answer is no, it's a temporary peace built on shaky trust (since Scott is, supposedly, Helene's friend). But then the portal burns down anyway, so it's moot.

BethC
Posts: 46
Joined: April 5th, 2010, 10:28 pm
Contact:

Re: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by BethC » July 15th, 2010, 2:49 pm

I have been off the board for awhile working on my own synopsis and posted today. I wanted to look at other synopsis' and found yours very interesting. You've had some great comments and I won't repeat anything said. My biggest question comes from the sentence that says everyone assumed she was dead and it was Leo's fault. What happened? Does she remember what really happened to her? was he involved? If it isn't a big part of the story I would leave off that he was suspected in her death. Overall, I love your story. The hardest part of writing my own synopsis is leaving out the secondary story lines...I want to tell too much. You've done a good job. Good luck with your story.

EvelynEhrlich
Posts: 79
Joined: February 13th, 2010, 12:41 am
Contact:

Re: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 15th, 2010, 4:20 pm

Thanks for the kind words, BethC. To answer your question, the part about Lena's death being Leo's fault is a smaller part of the story, so I left the backstory out of the synopsis. It's part of him and Helene figuring out how she got from 19th C Russia to 21st C America. I see what your saying, though, that I leave that teaser there but never clearly answer it in the synopsis. I'll have to tinker with it to make it work. Thanks!

User avatar
Quill
Posts: 1059
Joined: March 17th, 2010, 9:20 pm
Location: Arizona
Contact:

Re: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

Post by Quill » July 15th, 2010, 5:22 pm

BethC wrote: The hardest part of writing my own synopsis is leaving out the secondary story lines...I want to tell too much.
Whether or not to leave out subplots would depend on how long a synopsis one is going for, don't you think? A full synopsis would include all subplots whereas maybe you're going for a two-pager? I've heard it is best to write both a long one and a short one.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests