Search found 14 matches

by Bobcgirl8
June 13th, 2012, 10:03 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy
Replies: 10
Views: 2270

Re: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy

Dear Scooby-Doo: The thieves named her Demon. In Satani's opinion, no name is needed to make her differences obvious. Her face, scarred from an accident she can't remember, in addition to sharply pointed ears and cat-like eyes draw plenty of attention—always unwanted and usually deadly. She earns a ...
by Bobcgirl8
June 12th, 2012, 11:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy
Replies: 10
Views: 2270

Re: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy

Thanks for the advice :) I pretty much am going to get rid of everything after "The Sundering" and pick back up with Satani. The rest can be a surprise for the book :)
by Bobcgirl8
June 11th, 2012, 8:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy
Replies: 10
Views: 2270

Revised Version of Starkin Lost Query

Dear Scooby-Doo: The thieves named her demon. In Satani's opinion, no name is needed to make her differences obvious. Her face, scarred from an accident she can't remember, in addition to sharply pointed ears and cat-like eyes draw plenty of attention—always unwanted and usually deadly. She earns a ...
by Bobcgirl8
June 8th, 2012, 10:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE FIRST 22: Historical Fantasy
Replies: 5
Views: 1321

Re: THE FIRST 22: Historical Fantasy

Sixteen-year-old Derek thought the biggest challenges in life were on a football field. Now, he's learning there are even greater challenges to face—after death, when he becomes a reaper. I agree that I want to know how he dies here and I think instead of saying "magical world," which makes me thin...
by Bobcgirl8
June 8th, 2012, 10:06 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: WITH A VENGEANCE: Paranormal Mystery Edited
Replies: 6
Views: 2285

Re: WITH A VENGEANCE: Paranormal Mystery Edited

I think this one is a lot stringer, but I would like to know how the wife can torture mob lords. I mean is she a cop or an assassin or just a housewife with a subscription to Killers Anonymous? II don't mean that in a snarky way; maybe she really has been interested in such things before her husband...
by Bobcgirl8
June 8th, 2012, 9:59 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy
Replies: 10
Views: 2270

Re: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy

I keep hearing that one of the things to strive for in a query is specificity, and I'm pretty sure that's why the lines about "special guests", and "an introduction" were the point where I lost interest. I will try and reword it a bit, so it is less vague. The introduction is to the special guest, ...
by Bobcgirl8
June 8th, 2012, 12:30 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: fantasy query: Arkarum
Replies: 4
Views: 1403

Re: fantasy query: Arkarum

Hi!
I think the only part I would really change is the first few lines. I'd like to see the main character up there in the first or second sentence. I think it would help set the hook quicker.

Sincerely,

Bobcgirl8
by Bobcgirl8
June 8th, 2012, 12:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Urban fantasy with strong romantic elements,,,please HELP!
Replies: 4
Views: 1730

Re: Urban fantasy with strong romantic elements,,,please HELP!

Hi! I picked up a lot of good advice about queries from the QueryShark. One of her big suggestions is to find a rhythm for your Query. I am not sure if I've managed to capture a sufficiently compelling rhythm in my own query yet, so maybe I shouldn't be advising it. I just really like the premise of...
by Bobcgirl8
June 7th, 2012, 10:43 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 136321

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Dear Mr. Bransford: Satani means demon, Thief Guild master Kamen reminds her often. In Satani's opinion, no name is needed to make her differences obvious. Her face, scarred from an accident she can't remember, in addition to sharply pointed ears and cat-like eyes draw plenty of attention—usually de...
by Bobcgirl8
June 7th, 2012, 4:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy
Replies: 10
Views: 2270

Re: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy

Any suggestions welcome!!
by Bobcgirl8
June 7th, 2012, 4:54 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 630
Views: 241568

Re: The Introduction Thread

Hi! My name is Rebecca. I recently finished my first novel, and am starting the hunt for an agent. I write fantasy, generally for adults, and have an entire series planned out. The first book, STARKIN LOST, will be the first of a trilogy, followed by other trilogies that will all be interconnected. ...
by Bobcgirl8
June 7th, 2012, 4:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Humorous Women's Fiction
Replies: 15
Views: 4179

Re: Query: Humorous Women's Fiction

Hello! I think your Query is very well written and quite fun. I do not normally read outside my genre, which is fantasy, but, from the sound of it, your book would be an exception. :) It's probably also great timing for a book like this because the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" movie was ju...
by Bobcgirl8
June 7th, 2012, 4:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Novak 105363
Replies: 2
Views: 1900

Re: Query: Novak 105363

Hello! I am not very experienced critiquing queries, but one of the first things I noticed was that the two large numbers (the word count and the title) are confusing when in the same sentence. Maybe save your word count for the end of the query. I think with the first line I am more interested in f...
by Bobcgirl8
June 7th, 2012, 4:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy
Replies: 10
Views: 2270

STARKIN LOST: Adult Fantasy

Dear Scooby-Doo: Satani means demon, Thief Guild master Kamen reminds her often. In Satani's opinion, no name is needed to make her differences obvious. Her face, scarred from an accident she can't remember, in addition to sharply pointed ears and cat-like eyes draw plenty of attention-usually deadl...