Search found 8 matches

by jmn
August 20th, 2011, 12:06 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Somewhere In Between - YA urban fantasy *Revised*
Replies: 9
Views: 1421

Re: Query - Somewhere In Between - YA urban fantasy

Thanks so much for the feedback! It's all been really helpful! Here is my revised attempt. I'd love to hear what you think, whether it is any better or still struggling with the same problems. Thanks! Dear Agent, Quinn considers himself a pretty laid back kind of guy. Even when his parents dragged h...
by jmn
August 20th, 2011, 12:02 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Untitled Contemporary Fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 1247

Re: Query: 'Barbarian' (WT): Contemporary Fiction

You seem to have some interesting "hot topic" themes here, but they are presented in a very clinical tone that held me at a distance; it didn't jump up and grab me. The way it started made me think I was reading about a political drama, but by the end, that doesn't seem to be what this is about at a...
by jmn
July 28th, 2011, 11:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *Revised* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR
Replies: 40
Views: 7524

Re: *Revised* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR

I really like your query. I like the voice and the action. It makes me want to read your story. But there are maybe one or two areas that were slightly too jolt-y for me... Dear Ms. Agent: When gun toting maniacs barge into sixteen year old Lillim Callina’s home and reveal an exciting opportunity t...
by jmn
July 28th, 2011, 11:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Somewhere In Between - YA urban fantasy *Revised*
Replies: 9
Views: 1421

Re: Query - Somewhere In Between - YA urban fantasy

Thanks guys! I think you're right. I'm off to work on it. I'll post it again when I've tweaked it a bit.
Jenn
by jmn
July 26th, 2011, 5:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: REDEEMING GRACE, take 2
Replies: 9
Views: 2298

Re: Query: REDEEMING GRACE, take 2

Dear (Agent), How do you get answers out of your best friend when she’s in a coma? Simple – open her diary. (I've read that many agents aren't thrilled with queries that open with questions. Although maybe this is a little different since you answer the question.) Jessica and her roommate, Grace, we...
by jmn
July 26th, 2011, 4:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Along The River Styx
Replies: 3
Views: 939

Re: Query: Along The River Styx

Death's dominion is in some serious trouble, and only Delphi, her reaper bodyguard Kameron, and her mortal bestfriend Kaizzie stand in the way of total chaos; and total chaos stands in the way of an attempt at a normal highschool social life. (This feels out of place here, more like a closing than a...
by jmn
July 26th, 2011, 4:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Somewhere In Between - YA urban fantasy *Revised*
Replies: 9
Views: 1421

Query - Somewhere In Between - YA urban fantasy *Revised*

**REVISED QUERY ON 9TH POST. THANKS!!!*** I would be so grateful for any help you guys could give me! Who knew a one page query would be even harder to write than an entire novel! Dear (Agent), (Something personal about specific agent). Because of this I’m hoping you will be interested in my urban f...
by jmn
July 26th, 2011, 4:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MURALET - YA fantasy (formerly Bloodlines) *revised*
Replies: 9
Views: 1957

Re: MURALET - YA fantasy (formerly Bloodlines) *revised*

I didn't go back and read the previous versions of your query, so my take is solely based on this draft. Hope it helps! Dear Agent, When Harper Page is recruited to join The Fellowship, the mysterious group that protects most of the world's so-called "mythical" creatures, (I think it might be good t...