Search found 31 matches

by michelleimason
September 20th, 2011, 4:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: "Griffin's Song" YA Adventure
Replies: 15
Views: 2926

Re: Query: "Griffin's Song" YA Adventure

Hi, Ginger! I appreciated your comments on my query, so I'll give you some here. When pirates slaughter fourteen-year-old Sarah Whitman’s parents, she becomes a captive on the deadliest pirate ship of the 18th century, the Griffin’s Song. Good opening. Establishes her situation and the setting. Capt...
by michelleimason
September 18th, 2011, 2:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...

Thanks, Allie. Your help has been invaluable. Here's another attempt at that first paragraph. Dear Agent: Born in a buried underground city, twelve-year-old Ethan Williams can sum up his life in one word: trapped. He dreams of the surface, where light comes from the sun and his dad is more than a fa...
by michelleimason
September 17th, 2011, 3:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: TELL ME THIS (formerly REDDO), YA Urban Fantasy new query
Replies: 10
Views: 1620

Re: TELL ME THIS (formerly REDDO), YA Urban Fantasy new query

Hi Allie! Thanks for your feedback on my query. In case you're still looking for some on yours, here are a few notes. Good luck! Seventeen-year-old Sophie Rowan doesn’t understand why new-boy-at-school Hugh Kedoa keeps giving her intense looks. Last she checked, new students usually don’t give death...
by michelleimason
September 17th, 2011, 2:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: REVISED QUERY (post 16) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...

Thanks again, Allie and Ginger. I've made another revision to that first paragraph. Let me know if you think it flows better. Ginger, to answer your question about the original query, the problem I've been encountering is that agents think it sounds like THE CITY OF EMBER. As a result, I changed the...
by michelleimason
September 16th, 2011, 5:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: REVISED QUERY (post 16) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...

Thanks AllieS and GingerWrite. Does this help? It's a hybrid with some earlier versions. Dear Agent: Born in a city buried underground, twelve-year-old Ethan Williams can sum up his life in one word: trapped. He dreams of the surface, where light comes from the sun and his dad is more than a faded p...
by michelleimason
September 8th, 2011, 10:44 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: QUERY Revised 9/8 - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE TO ...

Thanks for all the feedback earlier this summer! I've been querying since mid-August and haven't been getting as many requests as I'd like, so I've revised the query letter again. Below is a new version that goes further into the story. I've left out the personalization and my bio here, but they'll ...
by michelleimason
June 17th, 2011, 12:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: query - DEMON ROAD - urban fantasy - 2nd draft at bottom
Replies: 12
Views: 2110

Re: query - DEMON ROAD - urban fantasy

I agree with Quill's comments. I was confused about where the story takes place. At first I thought it was the underworld, but then later it seems like she is in the regular world. Is the religious regime ruling the regular world or the underworld? And is she human? What about the other characters? ...
by michelleimason
June 17th, 2011, 10:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: QUERY Revised 6/15 - MG - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY

Nicole, when I wrote the first version, I intended to get across that his mother was pregnant with HIM when they were trapped. That's why he's never met his father. And his sister is older. The backstory is they were all supposed to come and his dad got stuck at work. But I don't want to cram all of...
by michelleimason
June 16th, 2011, 9:51 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-HEROIN HEROINE- Romantic Suspense(Revision # 2)
Replies: 11
Views: 1591

Re: Query-HEROIN HEROINE- Romantic Suspense(Revision # 2)

Definitely getting closer, Regina. Here are some additional comments. Dear Agent, One rainy afternoon, Fiona Corolla opens the door to face her the husband she killed one year ago. When documentary film maker Fiona Corolla interviews drug lord Wayne Vanderputt in a blood-stained cellar in suburban ...
by michelleimason
June 16th, 2011, 9:40 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW
Replies: 13
Views: 2369

Re: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW

Dear Agent, Chris Drake hunts dragons with an assault rifle. That’s a pretty cool job for a sixteen-year-old. Too bad he started breathing fire and growing scales. If the dragon slayers’ guild finds out that he’s shapeshifting, they’ll kill him because dragons are the only creatures capable of trans...
by michelleimason
June 16th, 2011, 9:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: QUERY Revised 6/15 - MG - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY

Thanks, Regina! I've thought about how much to give away in the query about what's in the caves. If they request the MS, I want them to be really surprised at what the kids find when they reach a certain point, so I don't want to say what it is in the query. I'm hoping this is intriguing enough to m...
by michelleimason
June 15th, 2011, 4:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: REVISING QUERY/PLS WAIT TO COMMENT - MG Adventure -

Ok, here's a new version. Everyone's comments are so helpful! I was trying to incorporate something from the novel (Ethan's lists) into the query, and it just doesn't work here, so I've gone a different direction. I plan to base whether the personalization is at the top or the bottom on the agent's...
by michelleimason
June 15th, 2011, 11:55 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
Replies: 8
Views: 1794

Re: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)

Much stronger! There are just two things that still stand out to me. Can you give some clue of Marius' age? Is he a teenager like her or older? I'm assuming he's young since you hint at a romance later, but then I don't understand why he has such an important position. You handled it well with her b...
by michelleimason
June 15th, 2011, 10:47 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Replies: 24
Views: 4103

Re: QUERY - MG Adventure - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY

Thanks everyone! This is why it's so helpful to have people who don't know the story read it because I'm definitely not being clear on some of the situation. I'm going to revise and post a new one in the next day or so. I appreciate the feedback!