Search found 12 matches

by TomLysander
August 14th, 2011, 12:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Which Genre?
Replies: 7
Views: 1150

Re: Which Genre?

I think your best bet would be to label it "dystopian sci-fi," simply because the world is literally a "bad" (dys-) "place" (topos). One sci-fi book that this query reminds me of vaguely is "Parable of the Sower" by Octavia Butler -- it also reminds me of Mad Max, :-) The other (unlisted) possibilit...
by TomLysander
August 5th, 2011, 12:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Untitled Contemporary Fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 1178

Re: Query: 'Barbarian' (WT): Contemporary Fiction

QUERY: In September of 2005, 13-year-old Casey Burbank died of drug overdose in her suburban home. At a party the night before, Izzie’s stepbrother Roan careful with name drops like this -- we don't know Izzie yet, and it's hard to keep a new name in mind when it's introducing a relationship met Ca...
by TomLysander
August 3rd, 2011, 4:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: DREAMSEA, YA Urban Fantasy
Replies: 4
Views: 909

Query: DREAMSEA, YA Urban Fantasy

Hi everyone, I'm sending my second draft of the novel out to beta readers this month, so I thought I'd ask the forum for some help with this query letter. Any and all feedback is welcome. Thanks! ----- Dear [Agent] , On a bright summer day, a mysterious teenager appears in the ordinary town of Remin...
by TomLysander
August 3rd, 2011, 3:54 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *Revised* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR
Replies: 40
Views: 7201

Re: *Revised 3rd time* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR

Dear Ms. Agent: When gun - toting maniacs barge into sixteen - year - old Lillim Callina’s home above poster is right: hyphenate and reveal an exciting opportunity to join an ancient, unstoppable dragon before it takes over the world, it means only one thing: She needs better locks. simplify: "reve...
by TomLysander
August 3rd, 2011, 2:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *REVISED* Jade's Hurricane New Adult Fantasy
Replies: 5
Views: 1099

Re: Jade's Hurricane New Adult Fantasy

The wind is stupid. It just is. Not a bad opener, but in some sense, it doesn't get at the neater aspect of your story: Jade lives in a world where people ride the elements. Some possibilities for a first line opener: "The wind is stupid. It never does what she wants." could surprise us in the firs...
by TomLysander
July 18th, 2011, 7:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MEETING OF THE WATERS - modern fantasy roadtrip
Replies: 7
Views: 1485

Re: MEETING OF THE WATERS - modern fantasy roadtrip

This covers a lot of ground. In terms of word count, I think you can actually expand -- which will clean up the density of this prose, which right now is going to sink you. I came up with a different version. I think this one's punchier: A fleet of time-traveling Nazis have has invaded the 17th cen...
by TomLysander
July 18th, 2011, 7:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Reception - Revised
Replies: 6
Views: 1670

Re: The Reception - First Attempt

******* Dear [AGENT], Autumn was supposed to be smart enough not to get herself stuck in the wall of a vacant house, but at twelve years old you are not always as smart as you, and perhaps everyone else , think s you are. She didn’t know what caused her to end up at the vacant house on that day. Whe...
by TomLysander
June 7th, 2011, 9:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REDDO, YA Urban Fantasy LAST POST
Replies: 20
Views: 3473

Re: REDDO: New format for YA Urban Fantasy

I'm coming to this query letter late, but here's the version that I like best. Eighteen-year-old Sophie Rowan always hoped she had a true love. Hugh Kedoa, the new boy at school, says he can tell her if she has one. When Sophie finds Hugh injured far off the paths of Ellery Wildlife Preserve, he re...
by TomLysander
June 4th, 2011, 4:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-YA paranormal thriller NEWEST ATTEMPT IN POST #16
Replies: 18
Views: 2849

Re: Query-YA paranormal thriller

This query is short enough (~241 words) that you could expand on this and still fit a single page comfortably. Here are my thoughts: I am seeking representation for CURSED, a 77,000 word paranormal thriller for young adults. Seventeen-year-old outcast Lysander Shore is determined to put an end to t...
by TomLysander
June 4th, 2011, 3:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Re: Query Help for The Engram Mystery
Replies: 5
Views: 1161

Re: Query Help for The Engram Mystery

Hi! I'm new here. My first instinct is that if the novel is at the same level of polish as this query, you'll need an experienced editor to get this novel even close to the possibility of publication, let alone probability. Dear Agent, Deep in the canyon of her soul is the spirit of a serial killer...
by TomLysander
June 4th, 2011, 3:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Totally New Query for MAGE STORM (MG Fantasy)
Replies: 12
Views: 1888

Re: Totally New Query for MAGE STORM (MG Fantasy)

Hi! I'm new here, but here are some of my thoughts on how to focus this query. My first instinct is that it is short and so you have some room to add more detail here. Or this one (different approach): Rell doesn't want magic. He doesn't dream of being a hero out of old legends or a mage. Certainly...
by TomLysander
June 4th, 2011, 3:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Happily Sometime After --YA Fantasy
Replies: 9
Views: 1484

Re: Happily Sometime After --YA Fantasy

Hi! I'm new here, but I thought I'd offer some observations I have that might make this piece really shine. Ok, some changes. ************** As a child Prince Lucien inadvertently caused the death of his older brother. Now he eagerly awaits his Quest where he can finally prove that he’s not the con...