Search found 26 matches

by Severus Lawliet
April 26th, 2011, 12:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: (A)symmetrical Query
Replies: 7
Views: 1477

Re: (A)symmetrical Query

Thank you so much for the feedback! Although I really really don't want to change the names, you do have a very good point about it being kinda confusing. And I've decided to lengthen the book some. What's another 20,000 or so words, anyway? (-_-)'
by Severus Lawliet
April 24th, 2011, 10:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: (A)symmetrical Query
Replies: 7
Views: 1477

Re: (A)symmetrical Query

Version 1.2 Dear Agent, Dade couldn't fix Summer. Ever since his best friend committed suicide, Dade's spent his life in an anti-social, self-destructive bubble. He's moved through life in an apathetic haze, using stolen cigarettes and a gameboy as his only means of consolation. But when Duran Tana...
by Severus Lawliet
April 24th, 2011, 10:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: (A)symmetrical Query
Replies: 7
Views: 1477

Re: (A)symmetrical Query

(-_-)' Yeah the word actually is consolation. I could have sworn consolance was a word. Thanks so much for pointing that out.

I think I will give it another shot. Thank you so much for the suggestions!
by Severus Lawliet
April 24th, 2011, 6:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
Replies: 21
Views: 3622

Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED

Dear [Agent], The people of Dereshan have waited centuries for their saviour, a child with two-toned eyes and the heir of the last dragon queen. But for Dani Strider, ignorant of her heritage after growing up on earth, the uncontrolled magic coursing through her is a curse. All it’s ever gotten her ...
by Severus Lawliet
April 24th, 2011, 6:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: (A)symmetrical Query
Replies: 7
Views: 1477

(A)symmetrical Query

I know I haven't posted in a while, but thanks to some critique I've gotten on this forum in the past I realized a lot of things about query writing. Thank you all, and after smartly dumping some moronic ideas that never really had that much of a plot to begin with. Here I come with something that s...
by Severus Lawliet
November 7th, 2010, 1:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel
Replies: 10
Views: 1549

Re: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel

I know I haven't totally finished my HALEY query yet, but this is the query for the book that I plan on writing for NaNoWriMo, so I wanted an opinion it it before I started. What do you think? ======= Dear Agent, Nineteen year-old Janet Nakano loves her brother Jude. That's why she has to kill his ...
by Severus Lawliet
November 3rd, 2010, 11:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 3 posted (4.5.11)*
Replies: 19
Views: 3728

Re: Romance Query: COVET

It's much more fun and less terrifying to critique everyone else's queries! I'm hoping some of you can pick up on things I'm blind to as the author. I do have several versions, but this one seemed to fit the "romance query" prototype the best even though the novel isn't a strict romance. I hope it'...
by Severus Lawliet
November 3rd, 2010, 10:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel
Replies: 10
Views: 1549

Re: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel

Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice! I haven't logged on in a while so boy was it a surprise to me to see all this great advice! Thank you! So here is my revised query -- I tried to take as much advice from everyone as I could and here is the outcome! I hope it's better than last time :D ---...
by Severus Lawliet
October 27th, 2010, 3:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel
Replies: 10
Views: 1549

RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel

I know I haven't totally finished my HALEY query yet, but this is the query for the book that I plan on writing for NaNoWriMo, so I wanted an opinion it it before I started. What do you think? ======= Dear Agent, Nineteen year-old Janet Nakano loves her brother Jude. That's why she has to kill his g...
by Severus Lawliet
October 26th, 2010, 11:22 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel
Replies: 14
Views: 2345

Re: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel

Thank you so much for all of your advice!!!

I'll post up the new query as soon as I can, thank you!
by Severus Lawliet
October 16th, 2010, 10:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel
Replies: 14
Views: 2345

Re: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel

Okay, here is the new query! Thank you everyone for your advice! --- Dear Agent, Sixteen year-old Alex Montoya hates children. But other than babysitting he's run out of options to make money. A couple replies to his ad, asking him to babysit their twelve year-old son, Haley. Alex finds himself dea...
by Severus Lawliet
October 14th, 2010, 6:57 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Plot Help and Critique
Replies: 7
Views: 2028

Re: Plot Help and Critique

Wow, thanks for the advice polymath and margo!I have put the query in the query section for query critique, but I thought that asking for help on the plot wasn't for the query section. Polymath I completely agree that it's Psychological Thriller. Thanks! I'll try to put in there what triggers Haley...
by Severus Lawliet
October 14th, 2010, 4:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel
Replies: 14
Views: 2345

Re: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel

I already redid a version of the query before you responded though. I'll redo it according to your guidelines too, but here's what it looked like before. --- Dear Agent, Despite the fact that Alex isn't that fond of children, he puts a babysitting ad in the paper. He intends on getting an easy job -...
by Severus Lawliet
October 14th, 2010, 4:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel
Replies: 14
Views: 2345

Re: HALEY - Suburban Gothic Novel

Thanks Thermocline! Wonderful advice!
by Severus Lawliet
October 14th, 2010, 3:57 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Plot Help and Critique
Replies: 7
Views: 2028

Plot Help and Critique

Hi, new member here. I'm going to post the query of my book, but I don't want query advice. I want plot advice. Can you please help me out? How is the plot? Does it make sense? What would you change? What would you add? Thank you in advance! ------ Despite the fact that Alex isn't that fond of chil...