Search found 35 matches

by littlebird
March 12th, 2011, 9:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1915

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

Thanks Wilderness! This forum is great!
by littlebird
March 12th, 2011, 4:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: FYI You guys are AWESOME!
Replies: 10
Views: 1482

Re: FYI You guys are AWESOME!

Great news! Thanks for sharing!
by littlebird
March 12th, 2011, 10:44 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1915

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

THIS IS THE NEW VERSION! Sam Oliveira doesn’t want to join the family business—not that he has a choice. Seeing the future is an inherited trait, one that makes him a valuable recruit for the Brazilian cartel boss that employs his mother. Sam's ability is coveted by drug dealers and human trafficke...
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 8:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6316

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

This is so, so, nitpicky, at but do we really need to know that Noah is of "noble heritage." What difference does it make?

And I might leave out the paragraph that compares it to othe works. Some agents find that arrogant.
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 8:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 2912

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

The best advice I can give you is towrite your query from the POV of your MC. If you have two (like I do) write it from one that encompasses both. Since I'm assuming Cote is your MC, I'll give you edits on that version. ______ In Santiago, Chile’s most exclusive enclave, The word "enclave" really b...
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 7:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Urban Fantasy Query
Replies: 21
Views: 3380

Re: YA Urban Fantasy Query REVISED

As an employee at Ellery Wildlife Preserve, eighteen-year-old Sophie Rowan is never surprised to catch people sneaking off the trails. But when she finds Hugh Kedoa, the new boy at school, deep in the woods with a broken ankle, she’s startled to discover he doesn’t want her help. Oh yeah! This is SO...
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 7:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1915

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

Oh wow Allie! You cleaned up that second paragraph SO NICELY!! Thank you!
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 5:02 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1915

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

P.S. I also sent out one query with this paragraph at the end: Too bad the only people who can train him are major players in an international drug ring: an uncle with a murderous agenda, or a ruthless cartel boss who wants to use Sam’s gift to evade authorities. Neither are appealing options, but t...
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 5:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1915

New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

REVISIONS BELOW!!! Hi Folks! I've been queried 12 agents, gotten 5 nos, and one request for a full off my query letter. But I've realized that the thing that makes my paranormal romance different from others is the "drug dealer element." I'm trying to figure out how to put that it without getting t...
by littlebird
March 11th, 2011, 4:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Urban Fantasy Query
Replies: 21
Views: 3380

Re: YA Urban Fantasy Query REVISED

I agree with Joel. You don't need "hopeless romantic" at all. And yes, the enforcer part throws me off a bit too. Maybe just stick with employee. Leave out Robert Steele's name. You don't need it. Just knowing that a man is hunting them is good enough, and that Sophie's knowledge of the Kedoas puts ...
by littlebird
March 9th, 2011, 10:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4355

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

@Androidblues: You just made my whole day! Thank you! I've considered listing it as YA Supernatural (seen a couple of those on query tracker) but wonder if that's because people want to hide that they've really written paranormal romance.
by littlebird
March 1st, 2011, 5:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4552

Re: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!

After two mysterious young men show up at her high school prom with information about her long-dead father, 16-year-old Avery Castle finds herself a half-willing kidnappee on a private jet to France. Great opening line!) The family she meets there claim s to be distant relatives, live in an incredib...
by littlebird
March 1st, 2011, 4:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4355

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

Thanks Maggie! I appreciate your help and interest. Let's hope an agent will like it too!
by littlebird
February 26th, 2011, 4:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4355

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

The two people who can help Sam—an uncle with a murderous agenda of his own and a cartel boss who wants Sam's gifts for his business—are major players in the drug war Sam’s spent his life avoiding Sam wants no part of?. Neither are appealing options, but time is slipping away and Sam is desperate.
by littlebird
February 26th, 2011, 4:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4355

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

And yes, he has both visions and nightmares. But I'll change it back to visions for the query. It's clearer that way, right? And I took at "at the hands of a stalker" because I wasn't sure if that mattered. It just sort of mucked up that sentence anyway.