Search found 57 matches

by Jaligard
June 27th, 2017, 3:03 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Tuesday 6/27/17
Replies: 3
Views: 3929

Re: Page Critique Tuesday 6/27/17

Caveat: middle grade is not my specialty. Looking at the pile of suitcases lying around her, Etta couldn’t believe she was really doing this. Granted, her choices were limited…this was her only option. She was excited about spending time with her aunt but nervous about what she would do for a WHOLE...
by Jaligard
February 21st, 2012, 6:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Never Remember *Revised*
Replies: 16
Views: 2842

Re: Query: Never Remember *Revised*

I just want to look at one sentence. She lives without a job and without her family in her life , not because she doesn’t want them, but because she has no memory to retain any information about them. I've highlighted the offenders in red. You're overwriting. You're explaining things we don't need. ...
by Jaligard
February 17th, 2012, 2:10 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Your Favorite Book on the Craft
Replies: 32
Views: 8664

Re: Your Favorite Book on the Craft

I have two:

A DASH OF STYLE by Noah Lukeman (his THE FIRST FIVE PAGES is also good) and SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Rennie Browne and Dave King. Those two changed my life.
by Jaligard
February 10th, 2012, 5:16 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: How do authors decide which part of novel to read at reading
Replies: 2
Views: 2842

Re: How do authors decide which part of novel to read at reading

I'm still wrapping my novel up, but there's several scenes that I never planned to write. They insisted that they be in the book and really made the characters come alive. Those are the ones I plan to read.
by Jaligard
January 26th, 2012, 7:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: population declined query
Replies: 2
Views: 996

Re: population declined query

A sudden chain of tragedies strikes the nation: New Orleans, an unmanned helicopter crashes into a low class neighborhood; Boston, most residents of an inner-city housing authority building dies of carbon monoxide poisoning; Detroit, a suburban building topples to the ground, killing dozens of citi...
by Jaligard
January 26th, 2012, 6:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Novel: The Broken Key
Replies: 5
Views: 1385

Re: Fantasy Novel: The Broken Key

Most people would kill for the power to shoot stone shattering rays of energy out of their hands, to melt metal just by touching it, to set fire to something without so much as a match. This has some of the same problems as starting with a rhetorical question: it only works if it you hit it spot-on...
by Jaligard
January 16th, 2012, 4:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SEA OF BLOOD AND SAND (YA Sci-Fi)
Replies: 8
Views: 2910

Re: SEA OF BLOOD AND SAND (YA Sci-Fi)

The mission is simple: kill the hybrid, end the drought. The problem with this opening is that I have no context to figure out what the heck you mean. Whose mission? What kind of hybrid? A Prius? What drought? Beginnings are tricky. You only have one chance at them and they need to inspire trust. T...
by Jaligard
January 11th, 2011, 5:39 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: How Strange Can a Novel Be?
Replies: 5
Views: 1005

Re: How Strange Can a Novel Be?

It sounds kind of awesome already and certainly not out of the range of normalcy for fantasy novels. Just write it, make it fabulous, and see what happens.
by Jaligard
December 16th, 2010, 2:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)
Replies: 10
Views: 2633

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)

Talented painter that she is, Daly prefers to live her life in black and white, while Kashi, a flamboyant foreigner, would like nothing more than to introduce her to the heart’s entire spectrum. It was only a matter of time before she saw things his way. I STILL THINK THIS SHOULD BE WORKED INTO THE...
by Jaligard
December 15th, 2010, 11:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)
Replies: 10
Views: 2633

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)

Hi Jaligard! Nice to "see" you again. As far as the highlighted sentence goes, I'm a bit out of sorts--I thought it was the hook, not a logline. If I take it out, then I don't have my one sentence hook any more. What do you suggest? Your one sentence hook/pitch/logline is for explaining your novel ...
by Jaligard
December 15th, 2010, 4:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)
Replies: 10
Views: 2633

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)

Welcome back! Although she is a talented painter, Daly prefers to live her life in black and white—her journey to India, the irrepressible land of color, just may change things a bit. I don't have time for any real criticism right now, but this logline doesn't help. Here's what QueryShark had to say...
by Jaligard
December 7th, 2010, 5:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Harbinger
Replies: 22
Views: 2765

Re: Query: Harbinger

Micah is nearly out of high school, ready to make his way in the world. Unfortunately for him, it will be a much different world than the one he expects. When he inadvertently frees an ancient deity named Fenris, he becomes heir to both the being's soul and his task: He is to destroy Asgard, homewo...
by Jaligard
December 6th, 2010, 5:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Harbinger
Replies: 22
Views: 2765

Re: Query: Harbinger

I'm missing the motivation for Micah. I get to "he would give anything to spare Asgard and leave peacefully, but it would mean defying the orders of his divine master," and I think, "So? He didn't know he had a divine master three minutes ago." But! You may cry, his soul will be recycled. I don't kn...
by Jaligard
December 3rd, 2010, 2:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3284

Re: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (New Draft on page 2)

Newest version: Tessa is young, talented, and blind. She walks alongside the canals of Beldessario and plays her dulcimer for strangers, seeing only their auras and relying on their generosity to survive. Gazing into people's souls may not win her many friends, but being able to spot the blackened ...
by Jaligard
December 3rd, 2010, 2:34 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How do terrible books get published?
Replies: 79
Views: 21322

Re: How do terrible books get published?

I've noticed that I'm sensitive to a lot of things we're told *not* to do. Switching point of view? Not a good idea without a section break. The thing is, though, you can switch point of view if you do it well. Other issues (telling instead of showing, lots of adverbs, gimmicky narratives) are thing...