Search found 5 matches

by capaloha
June 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Empty Query (Take 2)
Replies: 12
Views: 1820

Re: Empty Query (Take 2)

Way tighter and better than the earlier versions. It doesn't even sound like the same project. I immediately understood it was sci-fi/fantasy.

Congratulations!

Capaloha---
by capaloha
June 9th, 2010, 3:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for On The Fringe
Replies: 7
Views: 1430

Re: Query for On The Fringe

Aloha, There is a market for college graduates with dreams that exceed their reach. Jason Ryan Dorsey has made a career out of writing self-help books for this crowd. I agree with the chick-lit recommendation, or the "fun summer beach read" if that is a category. Back to your query - there are some ...
by capaloha
June 9th, 2010, 3:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 4351

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hey there....how did the query work for you? Do you need more feedback, or are you set?

Capaloha---
by capaloha
June 9th, 2010, 3:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bron To Die - Last Take
Replies: 9
Views: 1532

Re: Bron To Die - Last Take

Wow - wow - what an idea...ok, I'm intrigued, and hope to help you chase down words that detract from your strong story. Here goes...basically any words in bold are suggestions for deletion ....I was looking for multiple prepositional phrases to take out. Sometimes they weaken your central premise. ...
by capaloha
June 9th, 2010, 3:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Bring Me Back, women's fiction--Updated 9/23
Replies: 32
Views: 4948

Re: Query: Bring Me Back, women's fiction--Updated

I love the ass over tea kettle line, and believe it speaks for itself as "madly in love". You could delete the reference to madly in love to tighten it up. As for nudging professional boundaries, I'd love an example. What if he mentions her in a TV interview, or better yet, writes a song about her? ...