Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Dear Great and Noble Agent of Oz,

I am seeking representation. My completed manuscript, “Time Tourism,” is a fantasy-adventure-romance chapter book with a target audience of young adult readers, but will also appeal to older adults. The manuscript is 125,000 words in length. It can stand alone as a single book, but it is meant to be the first in a series.

Set in modern day, a young immortal from a secretive race accidentally travels forward in time twenty years. Trapped there, he makes friends and trains with his elders, trying to become what they need him to be. Upon learning what tragedies have transpired in his own world and ours, he is returned to his true time with a mission from the elders to make things right. However, he has his own agenda: to prevent the most unusual love triangle in history.

I have included the (amount of pages your site says to) of “Time Tourism” and a synopsis (when asked for) beneath my query. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,
Pitiful Writer Who'd Lick Your Shoes if You Signed Me

Dear Great and Noble Agent of Oz,

I am seeking representation. (If you're querying, this goes without saying.) My completed manuscript, “Time Tourism,” is a fantasy-adventure-romance chapter book with a target audience of young adult readers, but will also appeal to older adults. (narrow your genre down a bit. what is it primarily?) The manuscript is 125,000 words in length. It can stand alone as a single book, but it is meant to be the first in a series.

Set in modern day (...where in modern day? NYC? Argentina?), a young immortal from a secretive race accidentally travels forward in time twenty years.(interesting! immortal, hmm? is he a vampire? If he's not I'd specify exactly what he is, because right now anytime anyone says "immortal" thoughts make a beeline for "vampire.") Trapped there, he makes friends and trains with his elders, trying to become what they need him to be. Upon learning what tragedies have transpired in his own world and ours, he is returned to his true time with a mission from the elders to make things right. However, he has his own agenda: to prevent the most unusual love triangle in history. (For a book that's 125K and all those genres you mentioned, I think you should have quite a bit more detail than this. Right now I'm looking at bones. Bones aren't all that exciting. Put some meat on them. Show me what makes your story everything you said it was in your first paragraph--and more.)

I have included the (amount of pages your site says to) of “Time Tourism” and a synopsis (when asked for) beneath my query. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,
Pitiful Writer Who'd Lick Your Shoes if You Signed Me

While I like (and envy just a touch ;) ) how concise your writing is, I didn't come away with any idea what your story is about. I don't have any names or any specific conflicts to make it stand out in my mind. I'd like to know more about this love triangle, meself. I'm an amateur, so...you know, the whole "grain of salt" thing. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your feedback. :-) It's hard to say where it is because it's an island that doesn't exist **shrug** but I'll figure it out. I agree it's concise, but I was trying to follow the three paragraph thing I see everywhere. I did feel it wasn't enough, so I'll flesh it out a bit. Thanks again!