Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Hey, guys!

Long time no see. Real life tossed me a couple of Deus ex machinas and I had to focus on those before I could get back to writing. But I have a new project and a new Query. Let me know what you think.

Dear Mr./ Ms. Agent:
Charlie Bennett died in a car accident at sixteen.

Ten years later, she wakes up wearing a lab coat and a layer of goo. She can also generate force fields and turn invisible. The weird cherry on top of the bizarre cake is that Charlie vividly remembers the layout of an underground research facility she has never seen.

And she’s not the only kid from her class who has developed comic-book-worthy powers.

The school principle, Miranda Williams, is in on the secret. So are the teachers. They want to prepare Charlie’s class “to guide Mankind into the next stage of evolution” – and Charlie to lead her classmates. Miranda is also interested in Charlie’s obsession with the underground facility she keeps drawing and dreaming of.

Charlie doesn’t see herself as a leader. She doesn’t want the job. She just wants to understand what is going on. Too bad Miranda won’t take no for an answer. If Charlie fails to reach her “full leadership potential”, Miranda will start from scratch – which means Charlie will die again.

Charlie can’t tell the truth to her parents or other adults. She doesn’t know who else is involved in Miranda’s plans or how far she would go to keep the whole thing a secret. Charlie can only rely on her memories of the mysterious research facility and Miranda’s desire to find it. Charlie decides to find the place first and unearth the key to her survival – or at least something to bargain her freedom with.

Charlie is will not die a second time without a fight.

SYMBIOTE: THE LOST GIRL is a 95, 000-word Young Adult/ Science Fiction novel with series potential. I’ve enclosed blah blah blah blah, as requested.

Hi QueenViv, welcome back! The book sounds like fun, kind of right up my alley. Concerning the query, there are more detailed areas that I could dive into, but I think we should hit on the high notes first, and just start with a few questions that I have after a single read-through.
1) If Charlie died ten years ago at age sixteen, is she 26 when she wakes up? And wouldn't her parents notice her being dead for the past decade, or at least think it's strange she just reanimated? If she just "woke up", as in consciously, after ten years, that isn't super clear.
2) What class are you referencing, and why aren't there any specifics about the other affected classmates other than the initial mention? Have two other kids been affected? Twenty? Two hundred?
3) Is the underground facility a huge part of the plot, or more where the second half of the story goes after the whole dead and now awake with superpowers thing has leveled off a bit? If so, it might make sense to concentrate more of the effort on the opening aspects that are going to draw a reader in, and then build some intrigue with the facility toward the end of the letter.
4) What puts Charlie at risk? Miranda isn't mentioned as anything more than a somewhat wacky teacher, so I'd guess if Charlie has bitchin new powers, Miranda isn't likely much of an obstacle.

Good luck with the revision, I'm excited to see how this shapes up!

Davy