Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Hello all,

Below is the query for my book, Perdition City. Any feedback or tips, rewrites, etc.. is of course greatly appreciated!

Dear Agent,

Customized introductory paragraph…

The life of Perdition City has long been forgotten by those entrusted with it. A place corrupt where politicians’ scheme, gangsters push and the wintered scratch out a living among those fallen to addiction. Tommy, sparsely spoken resistance leader, searches for a catalyst for revolution that may never come. Jennifer, working girl and partitioned lover, pursues security and self-respect along streets barren of moral opulence. John, alcoholic and father, struggles to fill a darkening void left by his murdered wife while raising a young girl yet untouched by sin and temptation. Donnie, flamboyant gangster, seeks to legitimize himself within the incestual inner politics of the city. All will find their fates linked to each others past actions as unknown connections and soiled secrets emerge. The key to Perdition City’s future lay within the workings of their selfish providence, and in the muddled morality sits a larger reckoning.

Vivid, violent and pulsing with sordid humor, Perdition City is complete at 67,000 words, and is a multi-linear episodic novella written in the tradition Raymond Chandler and Frank Miller.

Thank you for your consideration.

The advice I've generally seen for multiple POV novels is to focus on only one POV in the query. Then you can mention it is multiple POV at the bottom where your genre and word count are. As is, it's hard to care about any one of your characters because there is too little mentioned. Check out Query Shark for examples of multiple POV.

Also, you didn't mention what genre this is (as in political thriller, mystery, sci-fi, suspense, noir).

Good luck!

Mitchell:

I've been a big fan of Frank Miller/Sin City since way back in the beginning.

I can appreciate what you're trying to do with 'Perdition City', but I have to agree with wilderness above: I think this query as written doesn't tell me what the story is about. It's a list of interesting characters that interact through the course of the story, but there's nothing here to tell me what's at stake, who drives the narrative forward and such.

It's like if I told you 'Star Wars' like this:

Luke Skywalker - young man whose family is killed; wants to become a Jedi Knight

Obi-Wan: Jedi Master agrees to train Luke

Princess Leia: royalty held hostage, but more than a damsel in distress

Han Solo/Chewbacca: scoundrel smugglers only in it for the money

We're missing Darth Vader and the Empire, right? That's the conflict driving the characters to interact.

Hope that helps.

Makes sense guys, I will re-post when redrafted.