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What to Expect When You're Expecting...A Novel!

Posted: January 15th, 2010, 10:15 am
by beacon22
When my old roommate started law school, the school had a special night to prepare the new students for the three years that lay ahead. The incoming law students were able to invite family, significant others and loved ones to the event. My roommate came home with a bunch of pamphlets that reminded me of an abridged version of the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting that you give to newly pregnant mothers.

After I started working on my manuscript, I realized that pregnancy and law school weren’t the only places that needed information pamphlets. Writing a book takes work. It takes a lot of work! Why shouldn’t writers have a book helping them through it?

I decided to let the world in on all the secrets I have learned along the way. I wanted to create my own list of What to Expect when You’re Expecting ...a Novel:

*You will protect your external drive like it’s your first born child. In fact, your hard drive may become even more important than your first born child.

*You will find the strangest places to write down story ideas: receipts, napkins, parking passes and maybe even texting lines to yourself from your cell phone.

*You will act out parts of your story in the car, laughing at something a character may say, and stop when you turn and see the person in the lane next to you staring at you.

*You will sit in coffee shops and ease drop on conversations. People will start to look at you as if you are a crazy stalker, but hey, you’ve got good dialogue!

*You will also find people asking you if you’re okay when you’re deep inside an emotional part of your story. You’ll have to assure them that nothing is wrong with you, but your characters may be another story.

*You will get to know the first names of all the workers at your local office supply store, as you buy mass quantities of printer ink and paper to perfect one single manuscript.

*You will hear somewhere that showers cause positive ionic charges in your brain, and suddenly feel the most creative in the shower. You will start to take long showers just to try to get ideas out.

*You will find yourself scowling at people who have the same name as an antagonist in your story.

*You will wake up in the middle of the night and try to write down what you dreamt about, because you think it might be “the next big thing.”

*You will develop rituals in order to procrastinate about writing. Your writing may depend on that one special pen, the right table in a coffee shop or song on your ipod.

*You will find yourself with a new obsessive compulsive disorder causing you to hit the save button on your computer hundreds of times while you are writing after you lose a piece of your writing for the first time.

*You’ll convince yourself that the piece of work you lost was the piece that was going to win you the Printz, Pulitzer or National Book Award.

These are just the start of the examples I’d include in my pamphlet. I’m sure you can add more…what else would you add to the list?

Rachele Alpine
http://www.freckle-head.blogspot.com

Re: What to Expect When You're Expect...A Novel!

Posted: January 15th, 2010, 2:48 pm
by Ryan
Here's a couple I've told people.

If you've never experienced depression--YOU WILL.

Print out your manuscript every now and then. Put different versions next to each other. Measure the thickness. Feel the weight. Put your face level with the printer and let the pages hit your nose. Smell the toner. Hell--lick it if it makes you happy. Sometimes you have to feel the progress.

Funny cause I've been paging through the Expecting book. I'm so glad I'm in the Agent Chasing stage for my book instead of writing it because in April things are changing around here.

Re: What to Expect When You're Expect...A Novel!

Posted: January 15th, 2010, 5:00 pm
by Sophie Minter
...Wait, still laughing my butt off. Too funny. Hilarious-awesome-amazing post. Mmm…okay, getting myself together. What to expect when you’re expecting a novel—
You will lose ten pounds when the writing is good. Gain twenty pounds when the writing is bad.
You will crave time alone with your characters and will be mentally unstable when someone interrupts this “time”.
Showering, bathing, eating will all become optional.
The term, “shouldn’t you get dressed?” By your spouse/loved one will be heard often.
Bad breath will be your perfume until said novel is done.
Dictonary.com will become your best friend.
Red underlines will make your eyes twitch.
Your couch (or wherever you choose to write) will have a permanent imprint of your butt on it.
Coffee jitters will be your new dance.

Re: What to Expect When You're Expect...A Novel!

Posted: January 24th, 2010, 12:50 pm
by beacon22
Sophie....your observations are so true! (especially the butt imprint, although I always try to smooth it out!)