population declined query
Posted: January 25th, 2012, 5:44 pm
So this is the final draft of a much revised query. I was working with someone on another forum who has been critiquing my query. It has gone through drastic transformations and this is what I have come too. I am still lacking a hook because I was trying to get my synopsis where I wanted it. So I would like to have some feedback. Thanks
A sudden chain of tragedies strikes the nation: New Orleans, an unmanned helicopter crashes into a low class neighborhood; Boston, most residents of an inner-city housing authority building dies of carbon monoxide poisoning; Detroit, a suburban building topples to the ground, killing dozens of citizens.
Darrell Porter, a statistician for the US Census Bureau, unexpectedly stumbles upon a drastic discrepancy between his figures and the recent national census as he checks his results for errors. Alarmed with the differences he decides to look into it further. He realizes there is something more sinister occurring than a mere mistake in data, but the government documents proving the falsified reports mysteriously vanish from his laptop. He shares with his fiancée, his startling findings and the plane she boarded, while returning from vacation, then goes down. He suspects she was deliberately targeted and believes this is the first of many strikes to come issued by the government. As he continues to uncover this unbelievable, multi-agency government scandal he realizes the recent disasters were intentional. Darrell is faced with a vital decision: he can take the damning evidence to the FBI and hope they are not a part of the heinous operation, or he can forget it all and disappear. Either way time is running out for him.
A sudden chain of tragedies strikes the nation: New Orleans, an unmanned helicopter crashes into a low class neighborhood; Boston, most residents of an inner-city housing authority building dies of carbon monoxide poisoning; Detroit, a suburban building topples to the ground, killing dozens of citizens.
Darrell Porter, a statistician for the US Census Bureau, unexpectedly stumbles upon a drastic discrepancy between his figures and the recent national census as he checks his results for errors. Alarmed with the differences he decides to look into it further. He realizes there is something more sinister occurring than a mere mistake in data, but the government documents proving the falsified reports mysteriously vanish from his laptop. He shares with his fiancée, his startling findings and the plane she boarded, while returning from vacation, then goes down. He suspects she was deliberately targeted and believes this is the first of many strikes to come issued by the government. As he continues to uncover this unbelievable, multi-agency government scandal he realizes the recent disasters were intentional. Darrell is faced with a vital decision: he can take the damning evidence to the FBI and hope they are not a part of the heinous operation, or he can forget it all and disappear. Either way time is running out for him.