Nathan Bransford - The Forums

There are really some strange ones out there. My top 5 in reverse order:

5. "Do They Know It's Christmas" - Let's review some of the choice lyrics: "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you." A little harsh there, Bono! "And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom." Wow, really? "Where nothing ever grows. No rain or rivers flow." Band Aid, have you even been to Africa??

4. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" - "Say what's in this drink?" Um. Lady? RUN AWAY. I don't care how hard it's snowing outside.

3. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - Wouldn't it be a laugh it would have been if daddy saw mommy kissing an old dude with a red suit? Yeah. Ha ha indeed!

2. "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)" - Title says it all.

1. "Christmas Shoes" - Sorry, Christmas Shoes lovers.

"Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer" - the title says it all, though the lyrics just make it weirder (for example, "and we just cant help but wonder should we open up her gifts or send them back?")

"Leroy The Redneck Reindeer" - Rudolph's country cousin fills in one year...

Lol. This is fabulous. My old college roommate and I spent a whole night looking up weird holiday songs.

Our favorite Christmas one was ....."It's Christmas, Let's Have Sex."

Yeah.

CV

There are two songs that I simply cannot listen to. They aren't "weird," just incredibly annoying and I loathe them with a deep inner passion.

1. The Christmas Shoes (a rousing, "Here! Here!" from my corner)
2. Feliz Navidad

Either one of those songs on the radio are enough to rouse my from my comfy blanket-and-bathrobe couch spot JUST to turn off the radio. The end.

Yeah, I'm not a Christmas Shoes fan, either. It's so depressing! There's another I heard called One Last Christmas that's a lot the same. Seriously, do we really want to think about losing someone we love during the holidays??

Nathan, I've always thought the same about "Baby, It's Cold Outside." My sister loves that song, though, so I have to hear it all the time and suppress a snicker.

There's one by Dr. Demento, I can't remember the title, that is about kids manipulating their divorced parents to get better presents. Yeah, Merry Christmas to you, too.

Anything by Bob Rivers obviously makes the list, too. "Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear," "Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!", "The 12 Pains of Christmas," etc. Some of them are really dirty, but many are absolutely hysterical, too.

Ha! Funny!

I agree with you on "Do they know it's Christmas?" That line alone drives me nuts. I know the intention was good, but since half of the population of Africa is Islamic, they do not celebrate Christmas, so no, Bono, they don't know, or probably care that it's Christmas. Sort of lacking some cultural awareness, which is not quite the thing in a song about....cultural awareness.


I also recently started having trouble with the "Grinch Song" I just noticed recently just how hostile this song is. Still love it, but it's kind of mean.





One I really love, and it's funny, but it doesn't quite have that "Christmas spirit" in mind is Santa Baby:




This isn't weird, it's more silly: the Chipmunks "Christmas Dont' Be Late". I think it's pretty catchy too.



(Have I conquered the embedding You-tube videos in posts or what? )

Got a new one. "Santa Baby." Really, why are you trying to seduce a fat old man who crawls down people's chimneys?

How about "Christmas in Jail" by the Youngsters?

I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who thinks "Christmas Shoes" is strange. I mean…shoes? Of all things? I even feel heartless writing that, but really? lol

And I've thought that about "Baby It's Cold Outside", too. Date rape drug! Date rape drug!!

Not a Christmas song, but "Baby It's Cold Outside" reminds me (in re: to creeper factor) of the oldies song "Young Girl":

Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl
With all the charms of a woman
You've kept the secret of your youth
You led me to believe
You're old enough
To give me Love
And now it hurts to know the truth
Whaoo-oh-oh
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl
Beneath your perfume and make-up
You're just a baby in disguise
And though you know
That it's wrong to be
Alone with me
That come on look is in your eyes
Whaoo-oh-oh
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl
So hurry home to your Mama
I'm sure she wonders where you are
Get out of here
Before I have the time
To change my mind
'Cause I'm afraid we'll go too far
Whaoo-oh-oh
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl

I can take Eartha Kitt's version of "Santa Baby", and when I have to, I can sit through the version by Taylor Swift or whichever knock-off of her that did it. But I've heard a version where there's a guy singing--no idea who it was, although it sounded a bit like Hootie & the Blowfish--and I don't know if they just didn't get it or what, but...whoo.

Also, can anybody explain why, in the past decade, someone has decided that "A Few of My Favorite Things" counts as a Christmas song? I think the movie comes on around Christmas a lot, but you don't see retailers' muzak playing "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" from "Nightmare Before Christmas", do you?

While we're on the subject, I would just like to mention how irritating I find it that retailers go to such lengths to say "holidays" rather than "Christmas", and then they play nothing but Christmas music. I mean sure, there probably aren't a lot of decent songs out there for Yule or Kwanzaa or the Feast of Winter Veil, but they could at least throw some "Hava Nagila" on there, right? There's traditional versions, there's punk-rock covers, there's dubstep remixes...anything.

Not to be a downer, but I personally don't celebrate Xmas or any of the religious holidays. I was raised Christian -- Catholic, in fact -- but now consider myself an atheist. So for me, all the hubbub about holidays/holy days in general seems strange and peculiar.

That said, I actually walked out -- at all of about 11 years old -- of a mass where the priest was expressing outrage over the phrase "don we now our gay apparel" in "Deck the Halls" as being part of some sort of subversive, hedonistic brainwashing tactics by the "liberal gay agenda" from France and the United Kingdom. (This was during the post-9/11 hyper-nationalistic "Freedom Fries" hysteria, btw.) An "agenda-bender," if you will. He claimed it was a mockery of God and his teachings because it was a double-entendre; the word Don derived from the Latin for king. As though the "emperor" was wearing women's clothes and was a "cross" dresser. "Don" obviously means in this case "to put on; to wear," not Don Corleone dressing up like Maria Callas, and the song itself is from an era when gay didn't mean homosexual but meant, well, merry. Like Merry Old England or... Gay Paree. No way anyone's going to wish anyone a Gay Christmas nowadays... although I might, just to see how the right-wingers in my neighborhood (which is basically everyone) would react. I pretended I was going to the bathroom but never went back, not that day and never since.

I get a kick out of Adam Sandler's "Chanukah Song," but only the first one; the second and third just aren't as funny for some reason. Didn't see Eight Crazy Nights, and I find the Neil Diamond cover version stupid for the "don't smoke marijuana-kah" part. (Usually I like Neil Diamond's songs, even "You Make it Feel Like Christmas," but he just comes across here as some old guy forever in blue jeans telling the young whipper-snappers to avoid reefer madness and not blaze up the holly and the ivy. Yeah, way to connect with anyone who isn't collecting Social Security, Neil. Even for a dude from the '60s you seem pretty square.)

My favorite has to be the Kinks' cynical "Father Christmas." It really reminds me of why I gave up on all that stuff as being, well, stranger than fiction. (I'm sure an encounter with Lola under the mistletoe was for the lead singer too.) But I get a bittersweet twinge whenever Bruce Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" would come on ("It's all cold down on the beach... wind whippin' down the Boardwalk...") only because Clarence ("you been rehearsin' real hard, so Santa'll bring you a new saxophone?") is somewhere playing his sax alongside George Bailey's pal of same name.

But oh, the shoes song, and that "god-awful" Hallmark TV movie with Rob Lowe? I can't stand the stupid shoes song anyway, and I'm just not a fan of Rob Lowe. I was REALLY annoyed, though, when my local radio station played it over and over again during the Iraq war to "p--- off those sandbox commies by throwing the shoes of Christ at their stupid Allah." Really loving thy neighbor, aren't we? The idiots at that station knew that shoes being hurled at someone is obviously an expression of anger, but especially disrespectful in Islamic culture, which is why it was a symbolic gesture (rather than merely a threat of violence) when the Iraqi activist threw them at Dubya Bush (which had just happened, this being why he kept playing it). This is what annoys me about how people interpret Christianity, or whatever religion, as being "superior" for whatever reason. Because people are the way they are I can't separate the belief from the believers. Not to mention the oft-repeated fear of shopping mall Santas surreptitiously passing background checks even though they're more like Sandusky Claus. This actually happened near to where I live, so I tend to have a different perspective on "he knows when you are sleeping." That pervert ever peeks in my frosted windowpanes I'll shoot his eye out.

All that aside, though... you've gotta love this: During Whitney Houston's "Do You Hear What I Hear," the part that goes "a song, a song, high above the trees," it sounds like she's singing "a thong, a thong, high up in the trees."



I know, they're briefs, but still: Do you see what I see?