Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I've been mulling over a tag line for my WIP for a few weeks. I'm one of those people who tend to fumble with my words when I'm asked what my book is about, so I really need a tag line. My problem is that since I'm writing fantasy, my protaganist isn't human. I have three races in my world, they're similar enough that they can understand each other's language and they can get along reasonably well (they all came from the same race but have grown separate over generations), but they control different magics.

Here's my premise: My protaganist and his friend are Cairumen. They live in the Underground. People have gone missing there and on the surface world of the Ivalas. These races have to join together to solve the mystery of why their people are being kidnapped. On the way they discover various nefarious plots and have to stop a half Ivala, half Allumin (last race) woman from massacring millions of people in an attempt to unite the three races' magics into one "original" race.

How can I reduce that into one coherent sentence? I can't just say "A Cairumen" because they won't know what a Cairumen is, but if I just say "A man" then it sounds very generic and I have a hard time introducing the fantasy/magical/racial element of the story.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I really stink at tag lines.

When kidnappings and conspiracy reveal of a plot to destroy most of the world, three races must band together to stop a magical holocaust.

That's not very good, I know. Give me sometime and maybe I can come up with something better.

CV

There's one thing you can do about the whole "a Cairumen/a man" problem. Your protagonist is bound to be more than just a race. He must have a profession, or a hobby, or something else that comes up in the novel that you can define him with. It makes it less generic, without confusing the whole race issue.

If you've got another descriptor, I do think you can add cairumen to it. Such as, "a cairumen carpenter blah blah". It raises questions about what a cairumen is, true, but anyone who hears the tagline has something else to hang on to that they're familiar with (carpenter) and you get to slip in his race, which sounds ultra important to the plotline.

Anyway, just a suggestion. I rather like Charlee's, too.

Two (teenagers/teams/hopeless romantics) from (enemy/rival) (nations/camps/tribes/clans) join together to stop the kidnappings which plague their world only to discover a nefarious plot far worse than they'd imagined.

Lol. Is it weird that I gigle every time I see the word 'nefarious?'

CV

dastardly? diabolical?

I sound like an eighteenth century train robbery caper.

Bahaha. True. and yet, I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing.

CV

CharleeVale wrote:Lol. Is it weird that I gigle every time I see the word 'nefarious?'

CV

I don't think so. I giggle at 'nefarious', too. That's why I try to use that word as much as possible. It makes me smile. That and 'kerfuffle'.

Thanks guys for the help!! You've got my brain thinking. I was wondering, though - in tag lines, aren't you supposed to make sure you introduce your protaganist as well? You know, like instead of "two people" make it more personal with the name of your character(s)? Or am I thinking of the wrong thing?

(Yeah, see, I REALLY stink at tag lines.)

Think of a tag line as that thing that they say at the end of a movie trailer which sums up the entire plot, while making it sound epic/sets your mouth to drooling. I don't think it's really necessary to personalize it for the character, that's more of an elevator pitch type thing, but you can if you want!

CV

Thanks Charlee. I think that was what was making it so difficult. I was trying to make a tag line that specifically mentioned my protaganist and what he was going to do rather than just stating "people go here to fight this." Now that I know it's okay to be a little more generic I feel a lot better about this tag line thing - plus the fact that all of your suggestions have been great. Thanks everyone!

dios4vida wrote: How can I reduce that into one coherent sentence? I can't just say "A Cairumen" because they won't know what a Cairumen is, but if I just say "A man" then it sounds very generic and I have a hard time introducing the fantasy/magical/racial element of the story.

How about something like:

"After a series of unexplained disappearances, the race of the Underworld must join forces with those on the Surface to find their missing comrades."

Although this doesn't introduce magic, it does introduce the Underworld v. Surface races, which seem unique and interesting to me. Also, we know there is a mystery afoot...