Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Interesting title, right?

Honestly, the problem started about a year ago in Barnes and Noble. I didn't understand it then, and it's taken me this long to figure it out. I'm having panic attacks, basically, to the point that if I'm even around a lot of books, looking at books, seeing books, thinking about books...

...in the back of my mind even, I start gearing toward my book. How I'll be there one day (soon) and how I should probably start querying, and how, hey, most people actually like it, and how omg...I'll probably...not be...that bad...and...it's going to be stressful...

"I have to go."

And I get sick. Violently and painfully.

It's almost as if I'm not afraid of being rejected. Hell, I can handle if someone says I suck. I know I suck. I'm the worst damn thing around. Bring it. I can deal with failure (especially now that I have medicine to stave off Miss Pissy Pants over there in the corner, yes,I see you). But I don't think I could deal with, "We want your book" and "it's wonderful" and "omg super awesome bestseller" or anything.

I would pee myself and die. That's...too much...I feel like I need to go to the bathroom again.

I mean, I know that's thinking toooooo far ahead, but this is like the reverse of the problem I had before when I couldn't write because I got screamed at on a first draft of crap. (And yes, that was crap. XD) But...this...this could be good. And I start planning the next one and I want to write and I feel so good now on this medication and then...

...I get sick again because I get so...nervous about success...

Gah...

I can't work like this... [pulls hair]

Sit.
Breathe.
Put your feet up.
Breathe again.
Drink a cup of hot tea.

Now, quickly bring the palm of your hand across your face in a sweeping fashion. Do it until your cheek tingles and reddens. Or until you can't remember why you were freaking out.

You'll be fine. Success, while a frightening thing, is a wonderful and exciting occasion that I will revel in alongside you.

You're just acting like an excited little puppy. Its cute ;)

Benadryl helps with anxiety.