Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Just kidding. About the beach part, not the beta reader one.

I'm seeking betas to read my historical fiction THE ENEMY WITHIN. It's approximately 104,000 words and set in Kentucky during the Civil War, and later in Victorian England. It is set in two POVs--female, first person is the main one while there are scenes featuring two seperate male third person POVs. Additionally, it is written in a very formal style (in keeping with the period).

What I'm looking for is someone who can give me their impressions. The novel is in its final draft and is being tightened up, but has been edited for the most part. I'm willing to drop the first 50 pages to you, and if you want to continue after reading those, I will happily pass on more. I may eventually be able to return the favor, but note that I don't read fantasy or paranormal. I get excited about reading humorous, unique "chick-lit" type of books (i.e. Sophie Kinsella and Meg Cabot), and of course, historical fiction (medieval and up).

Here is my query:

When her father is murdered by Union soldiers in 1862 Kentucky, nineteen-year-old Julienne Dalton is left an orphan with a ruined horse farm. She struggles to restore the family’s thoroughbred business, but when the opportunity to join a ring of Confederate agents arises, she gladly seizes it. Helping oust Union forces from the state slakes her thirst for revenge. But risking her life becomes less appealing when she meets charming stranger Alexander Caulfield. She is instantly drawn to him, and marries Alex after a whirlwind courtship. Then she discovers her husband is a Union agent charged with apprehending Confederate spies and sympathizers.

Fearing the hangman’s noose, Julienne flees the country, eventually settling in a small English village. She poses as a widow, and lays plans to rebuild her family’s breeding stock. Julienne attracts the attentions of Lord Richard Ashby, an English lord concealing a deadly past. He offers his protection, but it comes with a price. Marrying him will require Julienne to sacrifice her dream of returning to her beloved home. When Alex unexpectedly arrives in the village, a battle for Julienne’s affections ensues. She must make a choice between the two men, and someone will be dead as a result.


PLEASE NOTE: I'm currently seeking one or two beta readers, females only, please. I know that is an odd request, but I am most comfortable with that at the moment, and I think they are my target market. If you're interested, shoot me an e-mail: oldhousejunkie at yahoo dot com. Thanks for your consideration!

I'd like to read your first 50 if that's all right with you?

I wouldn't be a good beta reader for historical fiction, but I gotta say I loved your subject line.

I would gladly take a look at your novel, if you still need someone. I read a lot of historical fiction. Diane Haeger books are my latest choice. I have never done much critiquing before, but will gladly add my two cents worth. I am working on a novel based in Ireland at the time of the Great Famine (1845 - 1850), but it is still a long, long way from finished. I have done quite a bit of research into early Victorian English/Irish life, government, and policies, which may help me provide some good feedback.

I like your query letter. You outline your plot nicely, without divulging the end. Good job. I have just started playing with my query letter, and need to put a lot of work into it. A query letter is a daunting task.

I like books that are written in third person narrative, rather than first person singular. I find it hard to like characters who seem so engrossed in themselves, as is inevitable with the first person voice. As you can imagine, I am having trouble finding historical novels to suit my taste, since many recent books are written in first person, a trend embraced by Philippa Gregory. Anyway, just let me know if you would like me to take a look. Best of luck with your writing.