Nathan Bransford - The Forums

First things first, I know my synopsis is a huge hot mess. I have no idea how to clean it up! Once again I'm on information overload, every website I've researched tells me something different. One website even suggested that I do a four sentence synopsis and call it a day.-lol- If any of you saints that walk among us would be so kind as to take a moment to look at it with fresh eyes, I would really appriciate it.

Chosen by the Gods Synopsis

Tina, oracle and Chosen of the evil Goddess Eris, predicts the arrival of Eliahna Shay, a woman who will be a powerful enemy of Tina and the Gods of Destruction. Tina and her husband Bryan come to Washington to find Eliahna, with a plan to turn her into a Chosen of Destruction. Tina gets a job at Eliahna's work under the fake name Linda, and begins to start the process of framing Eliahna as a terrorist.

Eliahna takes her first supernatural class at the University in Washington DC. She was raised as an atheist in a town where Gods and magic were outlawed. Eliahna meets Aiden Klemenson, her Professor that immediately notices she is a potential Chosen. Aiden is assigned to mentor Eliahna by his God Odin, a benevolent Creation God and enemy of the Gods of Destruction.

Eliahna meets Kyle, a servant of Eris who is also a student at the University and a serial killer. David, a University Professor and Chosen of Eris, plots to help Kyle date-rape Eliahna, losing her virginity and making her disqualified to be a chosen of Athena.

The Goddess Athena sends an owl to meet with Eliahna. Eliahna is unprepared for meeting a magical creature, and Aiden intervenes and tells Eliahna he is her mentor.Eliahna meets with Aiden and he explains the world of the Chosen to her. While going for a jog Eliahna is assaulted by Bryan, posing as a man named Ron, and a demon dog.

Aiden learns of the attack on Eliahna and steps up her training. He introduces her to other Creation Chosen who give her gifts to help fight Destruction. She receives a gift of Cupid's Arrow, in the form of a small purple bead. Once used, it will make the target fall in love with her. Aiden is attracted to Eliahna and vice versa.

Eliahna's work is raided by the police. Devon King, Chosen of Mentu and police captain, tells her that Linda/Tina set her up as a terrorist.

Tina and Bryan flee the police. Tina is given one more chance, a riddle that once solved will lead to Eliahna's heart and spirit being broken. If Tina fails, she will die.

Aiden does a powerful blessing spell on Eliahna. Their relationship deepens as they fall in love with each other.

Eliahna meets Aiden's family, and Aiden learns his mother had Eliahna researched. Aiden can only marry a woman of pure Chosen blood, and Eliahna's blood line is free from any Chosen Rejections. Aiden happily considers the prospect of marrying Eliahna.

Devon comes over to Eliahna's dorm and let's her know that Linda/Tina is a great danger to her. Devon and Eliahna do a spell to attach some of his aura to hers so he can track her.
Kyle abducts Eliahna and injects her with a sedative and aphrodisiac. Aiden, Devon, and Jack learn of Eliahna's kidnapping and go after her. The blessing that Aiden did on Eliahna breaks the potions hold on her, and she wakes up when David arrives. David leaves before Kyle tries to rape Eliahna, and Eliahna uses that opportunity to use Cupid's Arrow on Kyle.

Eliahna subdues Kyle, and takes him to wait on the road for the men to arrive. While in the car, Eliahna learns about all the women Kyle has killed. The men arrive, and she decides that Kyle must die. Eliahna executes Kyle. Aiden plans on asking Eliahna to marry him.

Eliahna is chosen by the Egyptian God Bes, a God of War, Drinking, Sensuality, and a protector of women and children. While Eliahna is in the Spirit Realm being Chosen, Eris sends a message to Aiden. The message tells Aiden that Eliahna's mother was a Rejected, and Eliahna has tainted blood. Aiden leaves Eliahna, unable to love a woman with tainted blood. Her heart is broken, Devon steps in and brings her back from the brink of madness. Eliahna decides to accept her role as Chosen to Bes, and answer the prayers of all the abused women and children that pray to him for protection.

You've got 680 words there, less than three pages double spaced, condensing 90,000 words. You're introducing at least 27 names, places, and unfamiliar terms.

Tina
Chosen of the evil Goddess Eris
Chosen of Destruction
Gods of Destruction
Chosen of Eris
Washington
Eliahna Shay
Bryan
fake name Linda
University in Washington DC
Aiden Klemenson
God Odin
Kyle, a servant of Eris
David, a University Professor
chosen of Athena
The Goddess Athena
Bryan
Creation Chosen
Aiden's family
his mother
Cupid
Devon
Chosen Rejections
Egyptian God Bes
God of War, Drinking, Sensuality
Jack
Chosen to Bes

That's way too many and much for a synopsis this short with the sort of plot you've got going there. You might be able to work all this into a full blown synopsis of ten or fifteen pages but here it just becomes name soup. There simply isn't room for anything but the main plotline, told in simple, broad, non-technical (as much as possible) terms, like you would explain the book in capsule to your best friend.

We need some of the flavor of the writing of the book to come through, rather than what comes across as rote (and breathless) recitation, it feels like, hitting all the plot points. Our minds cannot comprehend it, we're reading this for the first time, it needs to be made more accessible. By dropping many of the names and terms and subplots, and addressing the main story points only.

Not saying the longer version wouldn't be good to have as well. It would.

Thank you so much for your help Quill. Your right, its big information dump overload. Perhaps I'll do one short synopsis and one big one? I'll work on getting this into better shape. Thank you again.

I tried going with a shorter, more storytelling format. Would this be considered a synopsis or a big query? Oye, so confusing!

It is a world of Gods and Goddesses, where a mortal Chosen by a deity can join the wicked Destruction or the benevolent Creation. The mortal may or may not be aware of this, and can be guided down either path.

Enter Eliahna Shay, who is not only a Chosen, but prophesied as a powerful potential enemy of Destruction. The place: present-day, alternative-reality Washington, DC, where, as a college student, young, beautiful Eliahna is mentored by one of her professors, Aiden Klemenson – Chosen of Odin. Eliahna is an innocent; she has grown up in a family that acknowledges no deity, and must be educated in very short order. She is forced to accept a new ‘normal’ that includes magical beasts, spell-casting, and an understanding of her place in this potentially dangerous - but incredible - magical world.

She needs Aiden’s protection as well as guidance, for the Gods of Destruction would turn her to evil by any means possible – to include deception, seduction, rape and violence. The deities Eris and Satan send many emissaries, in many forms – but come up against the Creation pantheon of Cupid, Isis, Athena and others, all of whom send their emissaries of good to protect and instruct Eliahna.

In the midst of the chaos, Eliahna and Aiden fall in love. That the love could turn into the something more that both of them want – there are roadblocks, most of which include following a very large number of ancient and complicated rules concerning Chosen bloodlines. Some potential Chosens are not always picked, it would seem – they are called Rejected Ones. Any Rejected One and their descendants are automatically not permitted to marry into ‘pure’ families.

So it is with Aiden and Eliahna when Eris seeks to destroy Eliahna by revealing that her beloved mother is a Rejected One.

The news is crushing to both, even as Eliahna Shay is ultimately Chosen by the Egyptian God Bes, she must overcome her broken heart, and learn new responsibilities. Eliahna will grow into her new-found power and embrace the world of the Gods.