Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Hello all. I'm currently in my 9th revision of my first book (won't be the last I'm sure) and need some input on how I'm doing.

I figure we'd go by either chapter by chapter or a set page number (every five to ten pages or so.) I'm willing to read someone else's work and provide feedback as well.

Here's the latest version of a query I've been working on to give you a sense of what I've got.

The End Begins follows Rai coping as the only sorceress among a dystopian population on the verge of civil war. As she searches for her father for keys to her past, she offers herself as a mercenary to a friendly military nations to learn about the world at large.

For her latest assignment she must protect the Source of Sentient Free Will from C.U.T. the invading enemy force who’s splinters the United States government C.U.T.and takes down anyone in their path.

Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, Rai must navigate dangerous territory while racing against C.U.T. to stop them from seizing control of the broken country.

The End Begins is a science fantasy story at about 106,000 words. Sample chapters available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.

If your interested in working together, send me a message, we'll trade e-mails and get to work!

Guess I should post a bit to show I am actually writing something :D

Like a jump cut in her mind, she was conscious in bed, and hadn’t recalled the trip into the large curtain-less shower which bore a silver spout overhead, the water trickled through the nine intricately woven braids of her hair. Each braid wore a distinctive color. Red, remained in the middle.
She dried, threw on the robe, and left.
As she came out of the bathroom a hard knock at her door shook her comatose senses loose..
“Who is it?” She answered.
“Delivering your attire for the trials tonight, Tasis Draco.”
She swung open the door. A younger female student in a flowing robe rigged with silver, black, and red, conned to do the day’s dirty work, held a black clothing bag in one hand, and two letters in the other. “And those are from..?” She asked.
“One from Master Bron’Dica Quilon. The other from Arril Hrns, named Serir.”
She took the items, said her thank yous, and shut the door on them.
She tossed aside one of the letters, and opened the letter closed with the seal of the master of the Chi Communal Sect of the Academy.

Why hello there. I live in Indianapolis too! Beech Grove:-)

I would love a critique buddy. I have a completed fantasy novel that desperately needs critiqued. Send me a private message if you are interested. Thanks!

Forgot to mention...I'm loving the excerpt from your story!