Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Does anyone know some good jokes about writers, agents, or english? I have two that I like.

A writer is taking a tour of hell. The imp tourguide is leading the group from room to room, showing them the different job specific areas they have set up. "Where do you keep the writers?" The writer asked.

"Right in here," The imp said, leading them to a room. Inside were hundreds of writers sitting hunched over burning keyboards. Imps walked through the aisles, brandishing their whips and shouting about deadlines.

"Ugh, I definately don't want to end up here," The writer said. The next day he was on a tour of heaven. He asked the angel where the writers went, and the angel led him to a room. Inside were hundreds of writers sitting hunched over burning keyboards. Imps walked through the aisles, brandishing their whips and shouting about deadlines. "This is just like hell!"

"Not really," the angel said. "These guys get published."


An english teacher was talking to his class about negative words, "It's just like algebra. A positive and a negative make a negative. Two negatives make a positive. Never will two positives make a negative." One student called from the back of the class, "Yeah right!"

Those are great! Now I'm scouring my brain for jokes like that.

*smoke begins pouring from ears*

I think I'll have to get back to you...

Writer who is a mushroom comes into a bar, says give me a whiskey. Or bourbon. Bartender says, "Doesn't matter. We don't serve writers here." Writer says, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

Writer who is a horse comes into a bar, bartender says, "Why the long face -- wait, don't tell me, another form-rejection?"

Writer who is a moose comes into a bookstore, starts nibbling on books, a page here, a page there. Clerk rushes over, says, "Excuuuuse me, can I help you!?" Writer says, "I'm just browsing."

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and began to yell, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"? She was having contractions.

My apologies to blondes (I'm an ash myself).

So did you hear about how dumb that new blond actress is?

No, how dumb?

She f***ed the writer.



(We need someplace for director jokes, though, because my best joke is about James Cameron. Stolen, of course; I am a writer.)

I admit I googled it. Thought it was funny:

Ode to the Spell Check
Eye halve a spelling chequer

It cam with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My chequer tolled me sew!