Query critique 11/9/23

[Nathan Bransford]

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Dear [Agent Name],

Because you represent Kathleen Grissom, you might enjoy my historical novel, A CRIB FOR MISS AVIS (100,000 words). It puts the institution from ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST into the setting of COLD MOUNTAIN, and would appeal to readers of K.J. Fowler's BOOTH and K.J. Chen's JOAN.

Strait-jacketed and shuddering from withdrawal, Elizabeth screams until her throat is scorched. But nobody comes. Her gut feels like razor-clawed rats are scrabbling to get out. The pain forces her to the floor of the concrete cell, barely bigger than a hackney carriage.

Addicted to laudanum, betrayed and unloved, the most well-known female orator of the Civil War is now incarcerated in Canarach Insane Asylum. Her voice silenced, her fame impotent.

Before captivity suffocates her completely, she must prove her sanity to the asylum doctor. Until then, he won't release her. She must dress and behave as a young lady should. She must also have the correct beliefs. But she refuses to retract her views on racial and gender equality. She rages and tears the doctor’s papers to scraps and smashes his ink bottle, spilling black over his knife-pleated trousers.

To soothe her mind, he prescribes time in the crib: a metal cage the size of a coffin.

When she’s freed from the crib, she’s resurrected. Unflinching in her resolve to burn the patriarchy to the ground.

This is my debut novel, the offspring of my fascination with powerful women in history and my decade-plus obsession with the Civil War.

As a freelance writer for over five years, my articles have appeared in numerous publications, including BC BookWorld and the Engineering News-Record. I run a writers’ group, which I founded in 2018. I’m a member of the Federation of BC Writers and the Historical Novel Society.

Yours,
[My Name]