Nathan Bransford - The Forums

[The underlined portions would be updated for each query, many many thanks for your feedback!!! ]

Dear name,

I saw your recent wishlist and preference(s) for upmarket Women’s Fiction featuring quirky characters and hidden secrets. I am seeking a literary agent to secure a publisher for my debut contemporary fiction novel. AN AUDACIOUS WOMAN is polished, having been through both a developmental and copy edit, and is 46,239 words. Within this light-weight story the female protagonist and politically diverse characters encourage readers to consider ethical gray areas within gender norms, crime and punishment, civil rights, abortion and sexuality at an advanced age.

Eleanor is not your ordinary 85 year-old New Yorker. She has lived a delightfully contrary life breaking the norms of what a woman should do, all while managing her family’s 1901 mansion. In 2018 Eleanor is finally ready to retire and travel the world, but her 70 million dollar mansion holds her back. Quirky as ever, she decides to host a contest to bequeath her home to a stranger. She selects three very different candidates: A 30-something millennial AirBnb manager, an arrogant 60-something architect, and a lonely 50-something art curator. Follow along as the candidates live in the Italian Renaissance Palazzo style mansion while scheming to win the property. Watch with delight as they uncover wild tales from Eleanor’s past, including murder, while revealing their own secrets. It’s discovered that one candidate is actually the child of Eleanor’s murder victim and is out to win the property at any cost. Are the candidates safe? Is Eleanor trustworthy? Is the contest a sham? Who will win the mansion? Find out in this amusing lunch-time read.

Like Eleanor, I tend to bulldoze through convention. I earned my Masters in International Relations from Harvard University while working full time. I’ve spent my career starting marketing firms and working for Fortune 500 companies. Now, I’m hell-bent on my writing mission: to humanize controversial topics. I aim to inspire empathy and understanding of different points of view through fiction. I’m ready to do what it takes to go big. A re-write, a social media push to my audience of over 20k, podcasts, blogs, mobilizing reviewers, a book launch, a press tour, whatever you recommend.

Below you will find the first 5 / 10 pages of my manuscript. Please let me know if you would like the full manuscript.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
Corinne

I too liked your plot very much.

However, I would suggest the following edits:

1. "Within this light-weight story the female protagonist and politically diverse characters encourage readers to consider ethical gray areas within gender norms, crime and punishment, civil rights, abortion and sexuality at an advanced age."

This sentence is too much at the beginning of the letter. After the introduction, you can go right to the second paragraph where it talks about Eleanor.

2. I don't have any publishing experience, but I'd choose to refrain from personal adjectives:

"Like Eleanor, I tend to bulldoze through convention."
or
"Now, I’m hell-bent on my writing mission: to humanize controversial topics. I aim to inspire empathy and understanding of different points of view through fiction. "

3. The rest is spot-on, and your credentials such as a Harvard University, 20k audience etc is very impressive and of-course should be in your query. Almost makes me think I'm not qualified to review your query letter. But I'm still giving my two bits