Query critique 4/6/23

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
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Query critique 4/6/23

Post by Nathan Bransford » April 3rd, 2023, 2:08 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Dear [agent]

[I'm reaching out because you represent ABC, and I saw you were seeking manuscripts with XYZ]. THE SPANISH LOVE DECEPTION meets LOVEBOAT, TAIPEI in A LESSON IN TEA AND TYPHOONS, an 80k word YA contemporary romance with series potential.

Hannah Lin was born to be a doctor—at least, that's what her traditional Taiwanese parents told her. After a messy breakup three years ago fractured her already strained relationship with her family, she's determined to prove to her parents she's capable of success. Even if that means going to medical school instead of studying photography. As a senior at National Taiwan University, she only has two things on her mind: getting into medical school and finding a date for her family's annual Lunar New Year celebration.

Enter Michael—a French exchange student with an annoyingly attractive accent—who offers to be Hannah's fake boyfriend. But Hannah's well versed in romantic comedies. She knows this never ends well, especially when one of the players has dimples that could make anyone swoon. But her romantic prospects are otherwise nonexistent.

When Hannah arrives with Michael at her family's annual Lunar New Year celebration, her ex is the last person she expects to see. Hannah is even more desperate to convince her family she has her life together. But as her feelings for Michael deepen, and memories of the past resurface, the line between fake and real blurs.

Can she keep her feelings in check, or will her crumbling plan prove her parents right?

Like Hannah, I am Asian-American, have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and have previously lived in Taiwan. I am a member of the North Carolina Writers' Network.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[my name]

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