Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Jacob Jollimore didn’t hesitate; his fight-or-flight instinct was missing the fighting half.

JonGibbs wrote:
Nice one! I'd give it an 8.

Here's the opening line from my current WIP:

Nobody likes getting stabbed first thing in the morning.

zoecourtmansmith wrote:Okay, so I looked at my second/third sentences and thought this might work better:

"The waitress took one look at the hooded teenager standing across the dark lot and murmured to herself, “Here comes trouble.”

RichardLevangie wrote:My first post will be my first sentence from a middle reader that I expect to finish in May. Seems appropriate.

But I'll begin by complimenting Josin — my favorite so far, although many others are excellent, too. As a journalist, I've always loved a concise, memorable lede.

We're all immortal until we die.

Here's mine.

Jacob Jollimore didn’t hesitate; his fight-or-flight instinct was missing the fighting half.


BTW... I'm a writer and activist, but new to fiction. It's fun being able to make everything up!

I've published an anti-bullying program, and Id say that's your theme???
I give you a 10, because of the tongue-in-cheek humor. I'd be motivated to read on due to that tag.

_________

One Blue Marble
http://www.one-blue-marble.com/
Make love, not CO2

ronempress wrote:Liked the idea of a woman dancing in lingerie. It might be more titillating to know where she's dancing - outdoor, on the opera stage, etc., but you probably say in your next sentence. ;D 8.5

Weary of killing, Liu Jie picked at the blood in his cuticles as he swayed in the saddle.

From "Mourn Their Courage."

henyad wrote:Okay, so this first sentence is from book #1:

Sofie. Sofie’s parents. (hmmmm...it does get better. I promise.)

...And this is from book @2:

The night before Lizzie had to be at the warehouse in Newark, New Jersey at seven o’clock sharp to pick up a load of expensive wine bound for Las Vegas, she began to drift into sleep and tried to think happy thoughts because this was what she always did in hope to chase the bad dreams away.

I've published an anti-bullying program, and Id say that's your theme???

I give you a 10, because of the tongue-in-cheek humor. I'd be motivated to read on due to that tag.

Emily White wrote:Ooh! Nice! I like the second one especially, Charlee!

Here's mine:

Nathadria, the girl everyone had forgotten, decided to leave Hell.

Kurto wrote:Just registered for the site, and I'm digging the first lines. Here's mine.

An April sunrise should be a wonderful thing to witness, but for Lucas Pike waking up before nine in the morning was a scrotum-tightening pain, a rude welcome to the snotgreen day at hand, and as he relaxed face-up in his bed, staring at the ceiling and at the clock and back at the ceiling, he decided that, you know what, fuck six a.m., that‟s what, and Luke (that‟s how he introduced himself) tried to will himself back into a dream; he squeezed his eyelids together and pulled the covers over his head, but he knew that if he were cognizant enough to get to this point, he was awake and would stay awake.