Nathan Bransford - The Forums

The whole freakin' thing exploded.

"We're all immortal until we die" is probably my favorite so far because it stirs my imagination.

But mine

"He flipped the switch on the heart monitor, ending the noise of a stopped heart"

The universe was white, silent, cracked.

I liked the following:

CharleeVale wrote:Not many people can claim to have killed one hundred and twenty-four people on the day of their birth, but I can.

Josin wrote:We're all immortal until we die.

Poppysinarow wrote:Jonah would never forget the day he died.

JustineDell wrote:Damn, I wish he would look at me before I leave today, Jaimie fumed silently.

From my WIP:

The room is a beauty to behold with its arched ceiling, vintage chandeliers, tall centerpieces, and several huge painted canvases spanning across the white-washed walls on each side.

From my WIP:

Maria had successfully been normal for 2,477 days.

Morris I'm givin that an 8 but the only change I'd make is 'had been' it sounds less past tense

From my finished (woo!) MG fantasy

My new Cursed life began four days after my eleventh birthday.

It was a dark and stormy night.

My name is Jimmy Fort.

steve wrote:It was a dark and stormy night.

I'm calling you Bulwer from now on.

J. T. SHEA wrote:My name is Jimmy Fort.

Not loving it just because it's very, "hello, my name is…" (literally), BUT it might fit with whatever comes after it so take that with a grain of salt if it does. :)

Mine:

Whispers have been flying between the mouths and ears of the Forsaken all day, but I’ve done well to stay away from the talk.

I'm cheating and posting my first two sentances, because my first is only one word.

Hide. I obeyed the voice in my head without question.

From my first WiP:

There’s a man yelling at me in a language I don’t understand.

And from the second:

It was dark.

Charlotte49ers, you're quite right. 'My name is Jimmy Fort.' is short and prosaic, and deliberately so. The next sentence? 'I am sixteen.' Even shorter and more prosaic!

Jimmy has quite an extraordinary tale to tell, so I decided he should begin it in a matter-of-fact way. But the third sentence is a very different matter!

Your own first sentence goes the other way, intriguing and evocative, without spelling things out, or needing to. We don't yet know who or what the Forsaken are, but we'd like to find out.

Leonidas: Your first sentence caught my attention a little. I want to know where your main character is, and where *he comes from.

Your second one wasn't just as intriguing though, but I would like to know the next sentence.

Here is mine from my first (unpublished) book:
I cringed as the wave of pain shot through me again - It was excruciating, but I knew I had many more hours ahead of me.

Here is an opening sentence I put in, I take out, I put back in, I rearrange...


Some men hid like rabbits.