Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I’m in the backyard sitting cross-legged inside a 2x2x8 wooden box made of plywood filled with earthworms.

ONCE UPON A TIME beyond a certain dark pine forest in a distant land, beyond thrice nine mountains, beyond thrice seventh tundras into the fifty-seventh kingdom, there was a world with caves, rivers, mountains, creatures and a castle.

Once upon a time, over the ninth land, beyond thrice kingdom, there existed a planet called Planet Palms.

Mine would be:

Jonah would never forget the day he died.

Josin wrote:We're all immortal until we die.

Impressive opening - 10.

Here's one of mine...

My heart clenched at the sight of the folded white slip of paper barely noticeable in the vent of my locker.

Okay, I can't choose. They're all pretty good. Here's mine:

"My life did not begin until I had experienced death."

christi wrote:Okay, I can't choose. They're all pretty good. Here's mine:

"My life did not begin until I had experienced death."

I like it. I give a 10!!!!!!!

Here's mine from my finished ms:

Damn, I wish he would look at me before I leave today, Jaimie fumed silently.

From my current WIP:

"Are you out of your mind Dr. Wade?"

marilyn peake wrote:maybegenius - I love your sentence! I give it a 9.

NHWriter wrote:

maybegenius wrote:

Josin wrote:We're all immortal until we die.

Sometimes the world is so cold my voice freezes in the air and shatters.

This is my favorite so far as well.

cassandrabonmot wrote:Maybegenius,

Love it. 9 or 10!! I def keep reading. Good job!

Thank you all! *blush*

Lots of good hooks here! Keep them coming :)

This is a such a fun topic! Here is mine from my YA novel out on submission right now:

Your dad will leave you when you are twelve.

Mine is pretty boring compared to those. :(

The cold wind blew the exhaust of a passing bus into my face and I coughed into my hand.

Until puberty hit life was pretty great, but then I turned twelve and terrible things started to happen.

A short story I began tonight:

I found the revolver in a plain brown box.

There are some gems above. I enjoy non sequiturs, even if, being opening lines, these don't follow anything.

~Serzen

abc - I really like your opening sentence. Seems like it would be very appealing to a curious MG reader.

Here's mine (contemporary YA):
Ten months ago, I was nobody – no one took me on fancy dates or paid special attention to me, but no one wanted to kill me, either.

Ooo!! Very intriguing! I like it!

Mine (YA w/ a female MC):

I had a hairy upper lip.

EvelynEhrlich--thanks!

I'm smitten with many of these juicy sentences!

I had a hairy upper lip? awesome.