Re: Query - A Divine Dementia - First Query
Posted: September 1st, 2011, 11:42 pm
Overall, the query is well-written. You give us the protagonist, what his problem is and what he wants to do about it. Well donePhilabuster wrote:
I chose to submit a query letter to you because of your publicized interest in that which is dark, counter-cultural, thought provoking, and mind bending. I'm not sure this statement is necessary. The agent knows why you are sending, so I would recommend starting with the story itself.
Detective Harris is a recently divorced,aging I felt this second adjective was a bit clunky detective in the Philadelphia Police department who is trying to solve a murder case. The three victims are spread out over the floor of an apartment, all with gun shot wounds to the head. However, the lack of a murder weapon, bullet casings, or any ballistic evidence whatsoever has got him baffled. He begins to read a stack of neatly typed papers left at the crime scene where he first learns about Jack.
Jack is a twenty-something male who works as a stock boy at a drug store. Jack’s life is in a downward spiral fueled by his frequent drug use, dwindling bank account, as well as his general disdain for other peoples’ happiness. At night, Jack’s dreams become more vivid and violent, frequently causing him to wake up in cold sweats. However his life takes an interesting turn when he stumbles upon a 1911 Smith and Wesson I have no idea what kind of gun this is (I may be the only one) so it seems counterproductive to add this detail hand gun lying in the street. The events that follow are anything but ordinary as he falls in love with a beautiful drug dealer, gets stuck in a rainstorm with a preaching story teller, and eventually kills his best friend along with himself in a vain attempt to distinguish what is and isn’t real.
Obsessed with Jack and pressured by his lieutenant to solve the case, detective Harris finds himself battling insomnia induced madness as he desperately searches for clues about the gun’s whereabouts hidden in Jack’s manuscript. After falling asleep behind the wheel, a supernatural event causes detective Harris to wake up in Jack’s story where he realizes that he actually has been there the entire time.
A DIVINE DEMENTIA is complete at 79,000 words. It is an Urban Fantasy Urban Fantasy? I didn't get fantasy in this query that combines the power of divine intervention with the angst of lower class city life. Think Chuck Palahniuk meets the movie Magnolia. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.