Nathan Bransford - The Forums

writingmaniacally wrote:Ellie Masters has it all worked out. She graduated from college, started her new career as a photojournalist in South Texas, and is determined to complete her to-do list of life by finding a husband and starting a family. "to-do list of life by" sounds awkward when I say it out loud. Changing the verbs also takes them out of passive voice. Ellie latches onto the first charming man that comes along, and they gets engaged Removing "They" keeps the focus on Ellie, which is how you started the sentence.despite the turmoil that plagues the relationship. After all, marriage is next on the all-important list – it’s what normal people do, and Ellie wants a normal life. This repeats the idea of her being determined to find a husband. She sets out to change the habits of Cutting this would show her determination even more - she doesn't just want to change his behaviors, she wants to change him. her drinking, weed-smoking bad boy. But when turmoil turns to violence, she runs into the arms of Bryan Cohen, an unhappily married co-worker, and together they escape their toxic relationships.

Ellie and Bryan break the hearts of their significant others, If they really cared about their hearts, they would have stayed married. createing a scandal when they get engaged the day after Bryan’s divorce is final. Ellie’s visions version? of a perfect world are abruptly shattered when she discovers a deadly secret her new love has been afraid to tell her – he has HIV I may be wrong about this but I think you "have AIDS" but you are "HIV positive.". Ellie is devastated, but she stands by the man she loves.

Their life together is anything but normal, but Bryan shields Ellie from the ugly truths of living with HIV What does this mean? He doesn't tell her about how to protect himself?, and Ellie continues to chase her dreams – including having children. Her imagined fairy tale ends much too soon when she finds herself burying her husband and faced with raising their daughter on her own. "Imagined fairy tale" doesn't seem to fit with how you've described Ellie. She's determined, plans ahead, is brave enough to leave an abusive husband, and strong enough to stay with a new husband who doesn't tell her about his disease. Very practical people don't live in imagined fairy tales. Also, telling us Bryan dies and she has to raise their daughters sounds like you've given away the end of the book. Consider leaving us with something more open, like, how she's worried about what might happen as she sees Bryan's health slipping as her daughter grows in her womb.

Normal, a work of women’s fiction, is complete at 63,000 words.

I spent 12 years in newspaper, as a copy editor, designer and blogger, before changing careers. I now teach 6th-grade English. While this is great, none of it is a relevant publishing credit. Thank you for your time. Move to the end of the previous paragraph.