Nathan Bransford - The Forums

That's immensely improved from the first draft. All the pieces seem to be in the right places, especially the weighting and nuances in the emotional timeline.

There are still places where the wording could stand to be smoothed a bit, but you've come a long way. I suggest sleeping on it for a couple days and then taking another look. Maybe you'll want to give it a tweak or two.

Good job!

I agree with Quill. Excellent job on this. I'm definitely intrigued.

Quill wrote:That's immensely improved from the first draft. All the pieces seem to be in the right places, especially the weighting and nuances in the emotional timeline.

There are still places where the wording could stand to be smoothed a bit, but you've come a long way. I suggest sleeping on it for a couple days and then taking another look. Maybe you'll want to give it a tweak or two.

Good job!

Oh Thank you so much for all your help. I will do what you told me and post in a couple of days. Thanks for your time~