Nathan Bransford - The Forums

sarramaria wrote:For sixteen-year-old Parrish Sorrows, life is a nightmare. Two weeks ago, her biggest worry was that she would never crawl out of the shadow of her violin prodigy younger sister or get up the nerve to talk to the cute boy that lives across the street. Everything changes when Parrish is awakened to find her mother afflicted with a strange virus and burning with fever. She can’t get through to her father and sister in New York, 9-1-1 keeps giving her a busy signal, and there’s a line of cars at the hospital a mile long. When soldiers take her mother to a quarantine zone, a frightened Parrish is left to fend for herself. I think that moving the bit about the prodigy sister helps the flow, as does omitting the part about 3am

The mysterious virus spreads across the globe like wildfire, killing billions. Parrish is forced to come to grips with the death of her parents and the fact that nothing will ever be the same again. Just when things can’t get worse, the dead begin to rise, feasting on the flesh of survivors. Yay zombies! I took out the "Soon" because you have several of them and I don't think they are all necessary.

In order to be reunited with her sister, who is trapped in New York, Parrish must embark on a perilous cross-country journey. Along the way, she meets four others whose destinies, like hers, are tied to the mysterious virus. Because unlike your average plague, this virus has a supernatural source, and Parrish and her friends must discover that they alone have the power to rid the earth of this great evil. I think that post-9/ll we all know why someone would be stranded in New York. I also thought that listing other plagues by name was a little cumbersome. The addition of "must" in the last line helps give it some urgancy, in my opinion.