Post
by polymath » June 24th, 2011, 5:05 pm
Margo, those three adverbs illustrate the dilemma of modifiers. Taking them out doesn't change the meaning much but strengthens the immediacy of impact, though taking them out changes the voice. It's a compromise either way. A third way, rewriting for stronger impact yet keeping the voice really challenges writing skills and builds writing muscles.
What makes those adverbs weaken their respective sentences and strengthen the voice is their functions. Still, a function adverb, indicates a continuing action, similar to a progressive verb. Feeling, for example, could replace still felt. Using still in that function obviates the gerund verb. And still is a function word appropriate for expressing impatience or nuisance and the like, which makes it a strong voice characteristic.
Always, a superlative adverb like never and ever. Superlatives are strong voice words with little significant meaning, though superlatives express firmness, conviction, and certainty and have a tendency to be open to question because they are often overstatements with potentially opposite meanings, as hyperbole, a form of irony, frequently does.
And back, a directional adverb like left, right, up, down, backward, and forward. Similar to stage directions telling action rather than showing, though giving readers a sense of movement in a setting, or, better still, excising and letting readers imaginations span the movement gap. As a voice characteristic, back and similar directional adverbs can be strong when they show emotion. Turning back, for example, can mean a return to an undesired path.
However, without adverbs and adjectives expressing commentary, a narrative voice can be emotionally flat. In a writing workshop, I was told to excise modifiers, that my writing voice was stronger without them because I use robust verbs. Another commenter said the verbs were too strong but the modifiers were great. The other dozen or so participants fell out in favor with one or the other opinions. My voice deflated when I tried to excise modifiers. It soared when I added strong modifiers. The action stifled when I tried to tone down the verbs. Strong verbs clashed with strong modifiers. Back and forth wallowing in the darkness of doubt I struggled. In order to find a functional compromise and refine and stengthen my voice(s), I needed to understand the functions of modifiers so I could balance them with strong verbs and nouns, so they could characterize settings and characters and enhance voice as my creative vision requires.
Anymore, I sentence diagram on the fly. That's been my best practice for rewriting. Draft writing is slower now, but more productive.
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