Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version

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Joel Q
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Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version

Post by Joel Q » February 11th, 2011, 11:23 am

New version is several posts below.

REVISED QUERY is a few posts below.

I think this is the third time around for this one.
The manuscript is going through final edits and is almost ready to go.
Just need to get the query polished. All comments are welcome
JQ
- - -
ORIGINAL QUERY

Dear Agent X,
In a dirty coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Arrested and convicted for murder, Blair temporarily trades his death sentence for a job as a bounty hunter to bring in—dead or alive—the members of his former gang. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family, or face the gallows instead of a pardon.

Blair finds the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome deaths.

But Blair discovers the truth, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms Blair’s suspicions and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the bounty hunter lost faith in years ago.

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.

The Color of Gothic is a 95,000-word dark fantasy set in the 1880s.

Info about me...

Thank you for your time and consideration.
JQ
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Last edited by Joel Q on July 13th, 2011, 3:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Quill
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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western

Post by Quill » February 12th, 2011, 3:41 am

Paraphrasing:

In a filthy mining town high in the Rockies, Jonathan Blair stumbles upon Hades itself; he recognizes it because he caught sight of it once before: Blair once was a preacher and then fell into a life of crime.

Blair got arrested and convicted for murder. The judge made him a deal: find the members of his former gang and bring them in -- murder them if necessary -- or hang. Blair has two weeks left to find the last man, who also happened to have killed his family, and be pardoned, or Blair will die.

Blair finds the gang member in Gothic, Colorado along with a steadily increasing string of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. While the scared townsfolk cling to old stories to explain these awful miner deaths, Blair learns the truth, and wants to deny it: it's demons.

A devil, a friend who seems more enemy than friend, verifies Blair's suspicions that this is the truth and nudges him toward a clash. The clash is between Heaven and Hell, a battle for souls. Blair used to have faith in this battle, but he lost that years ago.

The townsfolk are helpless. Blair is the only one who can help. But to do so he must give up hope for pardon. He must trust his six-shooters and the devil he met. This is frightening, but the scariest part is that the demon in charge of this killing spree knows more about Blair than his name. And yet, this is what lures Blair in to the contest.

The Color of Gothic is a 95,000-word dark fantasy set in the 1880s.

--------------

Hopefully this will give you some useful perspective, of where you might improve your query.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western

Post by glj » February 13th, 2011, 1:01 pm

I know Query Shark says to put the personal info last, but I think it would be better right up front in your query. When I read it for the first time, I felt confused. When I got to the end, I realized why, because I had assumed a modern day time setting. With the 1880's info, the query made much more sense.

Your title should be in all caps.


Dear Agent X,
In a dirty coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before. This is passive wording. How about "Jonathan Blair finds Hell in a dirty coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains. Blair fell from the pulpit into a life of crime and has had a glimpse of hell." Or something similar. Maybe "Former preacher Jonathan Blair knows hell, having fallen from . . ."

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Arrested and convicted for Probably better and smoother as simply "Convicted of", as the arrested is unneeded. murder, Blair temporarily Not necessary. Reader can figure this out from the rest of the letter. trades his death sentence for a job as a bounty hunter to bring in—dead or alive—the members of his former gang. Put "dead or alive" here at the end, so it doesn't disrupt the flow of this sentence so much. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family,. or Or face the gallows instead of a pardon.

Blair finds discovers (you used "find" in the previous sentence) the last gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number (Hmm. I know you mean that the last gang member is killing people, but "growing number" at the time Blair discovers the last gang member is a strange wording, unless the gang member is killing people so fast that more are dying at the instant Blair finds him? of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome deaths. This last sentence doesn't seem to do anything for your query. Does it have implications for Blair? Does it mean the townspeople are so afraid they won't help him?

But Blair discovers the truth, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. Wait, this IS a supernatural being, so the townspeople were right! Then saying "But Blair discovers the truth" is a contradiction of this. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms Blair’s suspicions Wait, you just said he "discovers the truth", which implies more than mere suspicion. and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the bounty hunter lost faith in years ago. This makes me wonder WHY Blair lost his faith. Does it tie in somehow? If it does tie in, you may want to drop a hint, as the query would be stronger if the reader understands the basis for Blair's fall, and why regaining his faith to battle the demons will be a difficult struggle. This struggle of the protagonist to overcome his "personal demons", as it were, is the heart of WHY a reader will want to read more.

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. Nice! But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is that the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name. Uh-oh! I sense an impending case of identity theft! Okay, seriously, this is why broad, mysterious statements (and rhetorical questions) might be trouble in a query letter. Hopefully, the agent reading it won't be as warped as I am and come up with the worst possible answer to the question presented, whether explicit or implied. You risk the reader generating something that will not be right for your story. Personally, I think that leaving the reader with an image of Blair facing off a demon in the middle of a dusty street, six-guns on his hip, knowing that the demon is likely to gun him down, but with no other choice, would be the image I would want to leave the reader with. More of this imagery would be better, imho.

The Color of Gothic is a 95,000-word dark fantasy set in the 1880s.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western

Post by Joel Q » February 15th, 2011, 10:45 pm

REVISED QUERY
I didn't change a much, mostly some word choices and phrases.
JQ


Dear Agent ...,
In an 1880s coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted for murder, Blair temporarily trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter to bring in the members of his former gang—dead or alive. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family, the man who initiated his descent from grace.
If Blair fails he’ll face the gallows instead of a pardon.

Blair locates the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings.

But Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms Blair’s deduction and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the bounty hunter lost faith in years ago.

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.

The Color of Gothic is a 95,000-word dark fantasy.
closing stuff...

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - REVISED

Post by Quill » February 15th, 2011, 11:06 pm

No, you didn't change much, but this version reads several time better. Good work.

The one thing that still sticks out for me is the head demon knowing more than his name. Seems odd that you'd put it that way, that he/it knows more about Jonathan than that his name is Jonathan Blair. Might be good to hint at what he does know, rather than highlight a mundane fact that the demon's knowledge exceeds.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western

Post by GaoYuQing » February 17th, 2011, 8:39 am

Again trying to not repeat what's been said before, the one thing that bothers me (and this might just be a personal preference) is the repeated re-iteration of Blair's name in the same position, especially at the start of each paragraph. I'll color your use of it and you can determine if this bothers you too. I may be just weird.
Joel Q wrote:REVISED QUERY
I didn't change a much, mostly some word choices and phrases.
JQ


Dear Agent ...,
In an 1880s coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. I think this opening sentence works for me better if it was more like: "Having fallen from the pulpit to a life of crime, Blair finds himself convicted for murder" The way it is now, it's almost a fragment.Convicted for murder, Blair temporarily trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter to bring in the members of his former gang—dead or alive. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family, the man who initiated his descent from grace.
If Blair fails he’ll face the gallows instead of a pardon.

Blair locates the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings.

But Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, a reality he wants to deny. Ok yeah, I have to agree with those who posted before me that this really doesn't deserve a "but" if the cause of the problem really is folklore-based, unless it's minor differences. vampires weren't really known in america till after bram stoker's victorian novel dracula, so perhaps play it down as "the fearful townspeople turn to folklore and rumors of ghosts to explain the..." this gives a clear contrast to allow your "but."Demons. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms Blair's deduction and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the bounty hunter lost faith in years ago.

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.

The Color of Gothic is a 95,000-word dark fantasy.
closing stuff...

ok, I really should get back to my real work now >.>

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western

Post by Hillsy » February 17th, 2011, 2:57 pm

Hi Joel,

First impressions are good - You get all the info you need to understand what's going on, the motivations (Of which there are plenty! All good), the problems and the players involved. For some reason it makes me think of Stephen King's Desperation, but probably just cos of the mining town/'Dark Force' kinda vibe. Plus I like the western angle, again a nod to King on that one. All in all I'd say the structure is there, just needs a bit of tweaking.

Nit-Pick time
Joel Q wrote:
Dear Agent ...,
In an 1880s coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before.
I'd say, in a query of this style, you can be even briefer. I like the meter (is that the right word?) of the first sentence, but it seems unnecessarily verbose. Definately use the year, 1880s or 1887, means the same thing. Also I'd put the town name straight in...something like "It's 1887, Gothic, a mining town in Colorado, and Johnathan Blair gets a glimpse of Hell. Again." OK that's rough, but do you see what I mean about leaving out the extra details, just for now.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted for murder, Blair temporarily trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter Temporarily? So they're still going to hang him once he catches them? I think know what you mean, that he's postponed his hanging and it'll be put off if he catches them all, but you could try and clear it up. Would 'Conditionally' be a better fit?to bring in the members of his former gang—dead or alive. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family, the man who initiated his descent from grace. There's nothing really wrong with this but part of me wants to know how many he's caught and how long his initial time frame was. Also descent from grace seems a much gentler version of 'fell from the pulpit'. Oh dear, sorry sounds like I'm hacking at this with an axe but....the last guy he's going to catch, you've given a personal reason for Blair to hate him, but he's already got a pretty compelling reason in the form of an impending hanging. Unless you are going to tie it in with the final part at the end, I think you can just leave it that he's the last one to catch and thus stands in the way of Blair's pardon.
If Blair fails he’ll face the gallows instead of a pardon. Get the first bit right and you can cut this like as it'd be covered

Blair locates the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings. Other than a bit of excessive verbosity at the end, and, personally, I don't think you need "with bloodless neck wounds", but is fine otherwise. Neat set up

But Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. OK, makes sense, flows nicely.A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms Blair’s deduction and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the bounty hunter (Blair) lost faith in years ago.To be honest I think the 'fallen angel' is a little bit of a side character, and to be honest, doesn't add anything to the query I think you'd better better off using those words describing the impending Heaven Vs Hell face-off

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter(Blair) than just his name. I think you can get away with a bit of poetic license and say demons rather than 'head demon', which sounds a bit clunky. Also I can see you're tying in the first part about his previous glimpse into hell, but it's not overly apparent. I think you can afford to be a little less subtle to really hammer home the point

The Color of Gothic is a 95,000-word dark fantasy.
closing stuff...
It's a good premise. I don't normally read in this genre much but I'd consider this because of it's fresh, Western setting. I mean the structure is sound, the motives clear, just need to alter the focus of some details is all I reckon.

Good luck dude

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - REVISED

Post by Joel Q » February 19th, 2011, 12:34 pm

Last Line Help.

Thanks to everyone who helped me with the query, this time and previous times.
I'm pleased with how it has turned out.
Just one more thing.

A few people aren't happy with the last line.
I'd love some feedback specifically on that.


Query...
In a 1880s coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted for murder, Blair conditionally trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter to bring in the members of his former gang—dead or alive. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family, the man who initiated his descent from grace. If Blair fails he’ll face the gallows instead of a pardon.

Blair locates the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings.

Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms the bounty hunter’s deduction and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the Blair lost faith in years ago.


The town’s survival depends on the bounty hunter abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.

I'm good with first two phrases, but here are some basic options for the last phrase, which I think could be stronger.
But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in,...
... is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.
... they've met before.
... is the head demon let him live the first time they met.
... he missed killing it the first time they meet.
... it knows his past.
... he's seen these demons before.
... he's seen the evil deeds of these demons before.

I think you can get the idea. All of these are part of the back story.
Any thoughts?

Thanks
JQ

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Post by bkloss » February 19th, 2011, 6:16 pm

Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms the bounty hunter’s deduction and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the Blair lost faith in years ago. wrong word? or delete

The town’s survival depends on the bounty hunter abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.

I'm good with first two phrases, but here are some basic options for the last phrase, which I think could be stronger.
But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in,...
... is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.
... they've met before.
... is the head demon let him live the first time they met.
... he missed killing it the first time they meet.
... it knows his past. I'm leaning towards this one, because I like what it implies. But that's just me. But maybe say "the head demon WHO knows his past"
... he's seen these demons before.
... he's seen the evil deeds of these demons before.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - REVISED

Post by SariBelle » February 20th, 2011, 4:30 am

Hi JQ,
I'll put in my 2c. See if I can be any help.

Joel Q wrote:In a an(?) 1880s coal mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because he's(?) had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted for of(?) murder, Blair conditionally trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter to bring in the members of his former gang—dead or alive This sentence feels quite long. I think the last sentence in this para could be merged with this one (and split in two) for this para to flow better. Sorry to reorganise, and please ignore if it doesn't feel right, but I'm finding it difficult to explain: 'Convicted of murder, Blair conditionally trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter. If he brings in the members of his former gang—dead or alive—he gets a pardon, if he fails he faces the gallows'. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who killed his family, the man who initiated his descent from grace I think this sentence could be broken up, to put more emphasis on how bad this guy is. Which is worse to Blair? His fall from grace or the death of his family? I'd structure it so the worse one comes after as a sentence of its own. So if his family's death is worse: Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who initiated his descent from grace. The man who killed his family. If Blair fails he’ll face the gallows instead of a pardon.

If I tidy my mess of comments up =>Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted of murder, Blair conditionally trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter. If he brings in the members of his former gang—dead or alive—he gets a pardon, if he fails he faces the gallows. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man, the man who initiated his descent from grace. The man who killed his family.

Blair locates the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings.

Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, a reality he wants to deny. Demons. Is the gang member he's after a demon? A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms the bounty hunter’s deduction 'deduction' feels a little jarring and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the Blair lost faith in years ago.

The town’s survival depends on the bounty hunter abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel I'm finding it hard to connect the first part of the query to his fight against demons, unless the gang member he needs to kill is a demon. If this is the case you might want to make it clearer. If not, make it clearer why Blair would abandon his search for this man (who killed his family and is his one chance of being pardoned) to fight for others. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.

I'm good with first two phrases, but here are some basic options for the last phrase, which I think could be stronger.
But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in,...
... is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.
... they've met before.
... is the head demon let him live the first time they met.
... he missed killing it the first time they meet.
... it knows his past. I like this one. It raises questions about the kind of past Blair has, but in a good way, especially since it both scares and attracts him
... he's seen these demons before.
... he's seen the evil deeds of these demons before.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Post by GaoYuQing » February 20th, 2011, 10:53 pm

*lifts his hands to the keyboard to respond, reads SariBelle's corrections and puts his hands down*
In all honesty everything I was going to say or correct or comment about she hit, so...yeah...what she said. You can add the weight of my opinion for what it's worth on the points she made.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Post by glj » February 21st, 2011, 3:22 pm

I'm good with first two phrases, but here are some basic options for the last phrase, which I think could be stronger.
But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in,...
... is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.
... they've met before.
... is the head demon let him live the first time they met.
... he missed killing it the first time they meet.
... it knows his past. I'm leaning towards this one, because I like what it implies. But that's just me. But maybe say "the head demon WHO knows his past"
... he's seen these demons before.
... he's seen the evil deeds of these demons before.

Some random thoughts:

... is that the head demon killed Blair the last time they met.
... is that whoever kills the head demon must take his place.
... is that Blair has been told of a way in which it may be possible to kill the head demon, but with unforeseeable results.
... is that Blair must die before it is possible for him to kill the head demon.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - REVISED

Post by MysticFiddler » February 22nd, 2011, 9:54 am

Joel Q wrote:Last Line Help.

Thanks to everyone who helped me with the query, this time and previous times.
I'm pleased with how it has turned out. Somehow some typos got fed in that you'll want to fix before sending. Please excuse my clumsiness with these editing tools. This is my first post and I'll get better with them, I promise!
Just one more thing.

A few people aren't happy with the last line.
I'd love some feedback specifically on that.

Just a note: you used the name "Blair" seven times in this short query. Cool name, yeah, but perhaps some sentence restructuring could eliminate the redundancy. It's good that you mostly maintained the tight third person, though.


Query...
In a[n] 1880s coal- mining town in the heart of the Rocky Mountains, Jonathan Blair finds Hell. He knows, because had a glimpse of it before. [This is confusing unless his previous glimpse will be explained in the following sentence. If not, and if it relates to his having fallen from the pulpit, you should eliminate this sentence as it is extraneous] [Falling] fallen from the pulpit to a life of crime,. convicted for murder, Blair conditionally trades his death sentence for a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter to bring in the members of his former gang—dead or alive. Now he has [only]two weeks left [remain]to find the last man, the man who killed his family, the man who initiated his descent from grace. If Blair fails he’ll face the gallows instead of a pardon.

Blair [He] locates the gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The fearful townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings.[POV shift here. Also, is this information about the townspeople necessary ?]

Blair uncovers [The] the truth behind the mysterious deaths,[incites]a reality he wants to deny. Demons. A fallen angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms the bounty hunter’s deduction and pushes him toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle for souls the Blair lost faith in years ago.


The town’s survival depends on the bounty hunter abandoning his hope of a pardon and putting his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel. But the thing that scares Blair the most, yet lures him in, is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.
[For the town to survive [[though why we care if the town survives has not been made apparent--what is the compelling factor here?]], the bounty hunter must abandon hope of a pardon and put his trust in his pistols and the fallen angel...getting out of the "ing" construction punches it more]
I'm good with first two phrases, but here are some basic options for the last phrase, which I think could be stronger.
But the thing that scares[Nothing less scary than the word "scares"[ Blair the most, yet lures him in,...
Some confusion here. Is the "head demon" and the "fallen angel" the same creature? If not, in the graf where you explain about his fighting demons, you might want to put that they are led by a Head Demon, just to clarify. I think choosing your last sentence will make more sense if you honestly know why Blair is afraid and lured. But here's an idea: the Head Demon is on good terms with and can command Blair's own, internal demons, so his battle is both internal and external, to the death
... is the head demon knows more about the bounty hunter than just his name.
... they've met before.
... is the head demon let him live the first time they met.
... he missed killing it the first time they meet.
... it knows his past.
... he's seen these demons before.
... he's seen the evil deeds of these demons before.

I think you can get the idea. All of these are part of the back story.
Any thoughts?

Thanks
JQ
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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Post by littlebird » February 25th, 2011, 2:51 pm

Paranormal Western? Awesome! The query looks good, and I like the line that the head demon and bounty hunter have met before.

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Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Post by Joel Q » July 13th, 2011, 3:12 pm

Here's a revision I've been working on.
Any thoughts?
JQ


In an 1800s coal mining town in the Rocky Mountains, Jonathan Blair finds Hell waiting for him. He knows, because he’s had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted of murder, he conditionally trades his death sentence for an offer that’s probably too good to be true—a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter. If he brings in members of his former gang, he’ll go free. Now only two weeks remain to find the last man, or the gallows await the former pastor instead of a pardon.

Blair locates the last gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings. Blair uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, but it’s a reality he wants to deny. Demons. Then an angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms his deduction and leads him away from the gang member and toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle Blair lost faith in years ago.

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his chance of a pardon, and placing his trust in his pistols and the angel. Blair and these demons have clashed before. And they’re eager for his tainted soul.

THE COLOR OF GOTHIC is a 95,000-word paranormal western where an unexpected journey to redemption has the power to save more than one life.

The novel could also be marketed as a historical urban fantasy.

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