Professional Manuscript Critiques and Page Spacing

[steve]

Am I right in feeling like I got ripped off?

Ripped-off, hoodwinked, bamboozled, swindled, taken, duped, cheated and robbed.

I'm attending just one of the three days of this conference next week. I hope the conference itself is better than this critique.

Try to get your money back.

Spend it on something important, like food and bourbon.

[Down the well]

Second, someone questioned whether or not my reviewer was actually a professional. Here is what the conference's website promises: "For $50 you can get the first 30 pages of your novel critiqued by a professional editor who'll give you helpful insight and suggestions as you work toward finishing your masterpiece." That's what was promised, but like I stated in my first post, the name of the "professional editor" has yet to be revealed to me.

Third, someone commented that for $50, he or she would expect at least 250 words. I got 150 words. Here they are, word for word, with the reviewer's capitalization. I did not change anything.

"Nice start.

I’m not at all sure where it’s going, and I find Cozy’s reaction to both the knife and her dealing with the body to be a bit iffy. But perhaps workable, although you’ll need to ensure she stays in character throughout the rest of the book, and naivety is a hard act to maintain, not least given her age.

You need to get your act together when it comes to spacing between sentences, and stop putting spaces at the beginning and end of paragraphs. You’d also be better off, usually, to stick with single spacing between sentences.

In today’s markets, right or wrong, PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING! Which means you need to proof your work extensively before submission. Before it goes to anyone, agent or editor, your manuscript should be PERFECT IN YOUR OWN EYES. However, as I said before, this is a really nice start. Good job ☺"

The comments within the text itself were all deleted extra spaces, with the exception of one comment at the beginning.

Am I right in feeling like I got ripped off? I'm attending just one of the three days of this conference next week. I hope the conference itself is better than this critique.

One more thing--someone suggested beta readers. I did find a great beta reader in this forum a month ago. She was much more helpful than this "professional editor." :)

I'm sorry, but I paid fifteen dollars for a critique once and got WAY more help than this. I'm sorry. I really am. I would be pissed if that's what I got for fifty bucks.

The good news is you found a beta reader who is helpful. Enjoy the conference anyway. I'm sure you'll get some good out of it. If not, well, er, PM me so I know which one not to go to. :)

[ajcattapan]

Am I right in feeling like I got ripped off?

Ripped-off, hoodwinked, bamboozled, swindled, taken, duped, cheated and robbed.

I'm attending just one of the three days of this conference next week. I hope the conference itself is better than this critique.

Try to get your money back.

Spend it on something important, like food and bourbon.

Thanks, Steve! Your response made me laugh.

[Guardian]

"Nice start.

I’m not at all sure where it’s going, and I find Cozy’s reaction to both the knife and her dealing with the body to be a bit iffy. But perhaps workable, although you’ll need to ensure she stays in character throughout the rest of the book, and naivety is a hard act to maintain, not least given her age.

You need to get your act together when it comes to spacing between sentences, and stop putting spaces at the beginning and end of paragraphs. You’d also be better off, usually, to stick with single spacing between sentences.

In today’s markets, right or wrong, PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING! Which means you need to proof your work extensively before submission. Before it goes to anyone, agent or editor, your manuscript should be PERFECT IN YOUR OWN EYES. However, as I said before, this is a really nice start. Good job ☺"

All for fifty bucks? Geez. This was a good business. Not for you. For the guy who did this...

That's what was promised, but like I stated in my first post, the name of the "professional editor" has yet to be revealed to me.

???? This sounds a bit shady to me. Why the secrecy?

One more thing--someone suggested beta readers. I did find a great beta reader in this forum a month ago. She was much more helpful than this "professional editor." :)

Welcome to Bransford forum, where you can get the best beta readers and professional advices in the whole universe. :)

Spend it on something important, like food and bourbon.

:) This was a good one.

[polymath]

The critique comes across to me like it was phoned in. The IMPERATIVE tone reads like critiques I've read done by first time published writers gloating from a cloud of self-superiority lairding over unpublished, therefore, presupposed inferior writers. The voice is so familiar I thought I recognized who it might be, but now realize it couldn't be--different genre--though the personality type is similar.

Strikes against the critique
1.) Imperative tone
2.) Caps used for unnecessary emphasis, written equivalent of yelling
3.) No specific virtue commentary
4.) Pointless style commentary on discretionary sentence spacing
5.) "Nice start" means nothing
6.) "I’m not at all sure where it’s going, and I find Cozy’s reaction to both the knife and her dealing with the body to be a bit iffy. But perhaps workable, although you’ll need to ensure she stays in character throughout the rest of the book, and naivety is a hard act to maintain, not least given her age."

"Not at all" pointless overstatement.

"To be a bit iffy. But perhaps workable, although . . ." what does that mean? Plus, nonstandard conjunction composition and punctuation. //To be a bit iffy, perhaps workable, although . . . //

"But perhaps workable, although you’ll need to ensure she stays in character throughout the rest of the book, and naivety is a hard act to maintain, not least given her age." Run-on sentence trainwreck from comma splicing nonassociated ideas. Logic issue, staying in character and maintaining naïveté are not mutually exclusive personality or behavior traits. Nor conventions of the genre or any genre. In fact, one of the fundamental plot conventions of any genre is a transformation of a setting, plot (complication), idea, character, and/or event circumstance.

Naïveté has little practical to do with a given age after early adulthood, another potential logic issue. Naivety might be in dictionaries, but I rank it alongside irregardless for awkward diction.

Mitigating aspects, the commentor does identify the protagonist by name and identify the inciting crisis of a body.

All in all, grammar, style, logic, decorum, method failure, thus message failure. No wonder to me it lacked a byline.

From the Silva Rhetoricae, Decorum:

"A central rhetorical principle requiring one's words and subject matter be aptly fit to each other, to the circumstances and occasion (kairos), the audience, and the speaker.

"Though initially just one of several virtues of style ('aptum'), decorum has become a governing concept for all of rhetoric. Essentially, if one's ideas are appropriately embodied and presented (thereby observing decorum), then one's speech will be effective."
http://rhetoric.byu.edu/Encompassing%20 ... ecorum.htm

[BetweenTwoWorlds]

Well, I thought I had posted a reply, but it went off to the ether.

Gist of my witty, cogent commentary:
* I get what you got for free from my writing buddies. I'd expect more - a lot more - from a paid professional
* Did you have a clear expectation communicated by the people & critiquer of what they would provide? That is, did they explain clearly that they would be focused on MS format & not story condition?
* For the benefit of yourself (let it out, man!) and the benefit of other writers (don't let your friends get ripped off, man!), be sureto communicate your disappointment with the people & critiquers and demand your money back. You will probably not get your money back, but unless you try how will they know how disappointed you are?