QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN -- Revision No. 1

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Mark17
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QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN -- Revision No. 1

Post by Mark17 » October 17th, 2010, 10:06 pm

Hi all, thanks for all the advice.
Version No. 2 is
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2631#p30440

Thanks in advance for any and all feedback, this is my first attempt at a Query. Of course I'm most worried about whether this is an effective query that makes you want to read more but I'm also wondering if the tenses are used properly.

Dear Agent,

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls.

He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied. But somewhere around the time his 32nd deckhand jumped into the Sea of Lost Souls, the weight of eternity started sinking in.

Complicating matters, his favorite captain’s been sent to ‘reeducation’ by a bureaucratic angel obsessed with uniform adjustments, the Ferry Group is dealing with an infestation of graven images and the girl worth staying for is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of Paradise, is an idiot, not to mention secretly German.

His debts have been paid off. Charlie’s ready to move on and ascend. Maybe become the spirit guide to a zookeeper or a forest ranger. Alongside his two best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool, he embarks on his final season in the Underworld. He hopes. But as he ponders the meaning of his afterlife, what really goes on in the Sea of Lost Souls, how jet-skis even work and what’s happening on that island full of sugar-crazed children with no eyes, he’ll realize that enlightenment could be closer than he thought. Maybe he’ll even tell that girl, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, how he really feels. If there’s time.

He knows he’ll be on board at the end of the season when those transports leave for the Other Side, but doesn’t know if it will be as ferryman or passenger. Or if it even matters.

THE FERRYMAN (98,185 words) is a novel about death, friendship and real life. I worked as a ferryman (for living people) for nine years.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

(CONTACT INFO)
Last edited by Mark17 on November 21st, 2010, 10:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by D.S. Deshaw » October 17th, 2010, 11:24 pm

This may seem harsh, but I'm not sure what happens in the book after reading your query. It kind of seems to me it's just going to be Charlie and his thoughts on a boat. Is there any way to show the events in the book a bit more? I'm sure interesting things happen :) but putting it to the forefront in your query may be a good change.

The hook is pretty good. I was expecting some kind of adventure story with him rowing souls to where ever it is they need to go. It's an interesting play on the idea of the afterlife and getting into heaven, so very cool. I think this is good for your first query :) but just like everything else, it'll require editing and time and practice!

I also hate to tell you that your word count might be a little long. Lastly, what genre is your book?
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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by caseygriffin2 » October 18th, 2010, 4:04 am

Dear Agent,

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. Hmmmm, interested.

He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfiedI'm not sure what this means. Is this a t-shirt he wears before he gets the gig? Or while he's a ferryman? I don't think it's really important for your query.. But somewhere around the time his 32nd deckhand jumpeds this is where you have to watch your tenses. Make it as though the action is happening at the moment. Describe what the character is doing to form your query. into the Sea of Lost Souls, the weight of eternity starteds to sinking in.

Complicating matters, his favorite captain’s been sent to ‘reeducation’ by a bureaucratic angel obsessed with uniform adjustments, the Ferry Group is dealing with an infestation of graven imagesnot sure exactly what this means and the girlis she worth staying for for your main character? Maybe make this more clear like "the girl charlie thinks is worth staying for... worth staying for is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of Paradise, is an idiot, not to mention secretly GermanThere's a lot of info in this sentence. You're offering up some interesting plot ideas here, and while it piques my interest, make sure that if they are really pertinent to the main plot, that they're not all mashed together. But if they are separate plot lines, maybe you can leave them out. Remember, just focus on Charlie and his main problem and what actions he takes while faced with it..

His debts have been paid off I take it these are debts accumulated over his "alive" years? I like it as a start to this paragraph though, maybe make it more clear like "The debts he racked up/ acquired/ accumulated? while alive have been paid off by his years of ferry services." Or play with something like that. Keep in mind I'm really new at this too and I'm offering you suggestions, but they probably won't be perfect. Maybe they'll give you something to work with.. Charlie’s ready to move on and ascend. Maybe become the spirit guide to a zookeeper or a forest rangerWhy does he want this? Is it a better job? Happier? Fun? Peaceful?. Alongside his two best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool, he embarks on his final season in the UnderworldSo his debts aren't quite paid off yet? Confusing with the first line in this paragraph. He hopes. But as he ponders the meaning of his afterlife, what really goes on in the Sea of Lost Souls, how jet-skis even work and what’s happening on that island full of sugar-crazed children with no eyesHmm getting a little confused. You're talking a lot about what he's "thinking" what is he "doing" about all this. Like: "As he questions the meaning of his after life, he does this..." See? Problem, action. , he’ll realize that enlightenment could be closer than he thoughTHis is very vague. How is it closer than he thought? Or will it ruin the whole point of the book? If so, then that might be your character's main problem. What is he facing? Make that clear at the start, then state his actions to show the plot / how he's struggling and working to overcome this main problemt. Maybe he’ll even tell that girl, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitressMaybe put this tidbit at the start. Is she a main character? If so, mention her earlier because if she's crucial to the plot, then the agent needs to know her sooner and you can build the plot aroudn your two central characters. Sorry, don't really know your story, so I'm just throwing out a bunch of ideas. Main point is, identify the character's obstacle earlier., how he really feels. If there’s time I like how you're leaving it on a bit of a cliffhanger. So he's running out of time because he's retiring? Moving on to bigger and better things right? But is the impending date important? Why can't he stay, this sounds like an obstacle you can really drive home to make this last statement more meaningful..

He knows he’ll be on board at the end of the season when those transports leave for the Other Side, but doesn’t know if it will be as ferryman or passenger. Or if it even matters. I think cut this part because the last sentence is stronger without it, but good ending.

THE FERRYMAN (98,185 words) is a novel about death, friendship and real life. I worked as a ferryman (for living people) for nine years.

Thank you for your time,and consideration. and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

(CONTACT INFO)
Again, I'm a total beginner, and so my suggestions are just things that struck me while reading it, but I'm sure you'll get a lot of feedback from more experienced people. You've got a good start here and some really interesting story developments to work with to make your query really strong. Keep plugging away at it! Good luck!

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by sbs_mjc1 » October 18th, 2010, 5:09 am

I think you have an interesting concept, but I'll have to echo the other posters: where is the plot? What is the main conflict?
Here is how I like to think about writing a query (and since I don't really know your book, I'm going to make stuff up on the fly):
1st paragraph/opening: introduce the situation/problem-- eitheran equilibrium that gets disrupted, or the conflict is already going, and the MC decides to do something about it.
Type 1: ''Jessica is thrilled when she gets into a top university 3000 miles from home to study medival Chinese philosophy. But when the new university president cuts her program's funding, she is stuck in a strange city with no money, no friends, and no marketable job skills.''
Type 2: ''After a run of bad luck, Esteban got stuck with a psychotic boss, a moldy apartment, and mooching roommates. He'd do anything to start over, so he jumps at the chance to interview for a position as a private chef for a mysterious billionare who has just moved to town.''

2 paragraph: what could possibly go wrong? Tell us!
'Esteban lands the seemingly cushy job, but is soon frightened by the sinister guests who show up at his employer's mansion...''

3. The stakes: ''If Jessica's professors find out about her scandalous 'career', she'll never get a decent publication. But if she quits, she'll be living in a cardboard box.''

Hope that helps.
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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by wilderness » October 19th, 2010, 1:01 am

Mark17 wrote:Thanks in advance for any and all feedback, this is my first attempt at a Query. Of course I'm most worried about whether this is an effective query that makes you want to read more but I'm also wondering if the tenses are used properly. It should be present tense the whole way through.

Dear Agent,

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. For some reason I think this would be funnier if you altered it to "Charlie only wants a few simple things: love, adventure, and the coins of recently deceased souls."

He thinks an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied. But somewhere around the time his 32nd deckhand jumps into the Sea of Lost Souls, the weight of eternity starts sinking in.

Complicating matters, his favorite captain is sent to ‘reeducation’ by a bureaucratic angel obsessed with uniform adjustments, the Ferry Group is dealing with an infestation of graven images (not sure what this means) and the girl worth staying for is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of Paradise, is an idiot, not to mention secretly German. Witty. I don't really get the secretly German part, but it seems funny anyway -- hope that's what you're going for! The sentence could be broken up for easier reading.

His debts have been paid off. Passive voice and past tense. Charlie’s ready to move on and ascend. Maybe become the spirit guide to a zookeeper or a forest ranger. Alongside his two best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool, he embarks on his final season in the Underworld. He hopes. But as he ponders the meaning of his afterlife, what really goes on in the Sea of Lost Souls, how jet-skis even work and what’s happening on that island full of sugar-crazed children with no eyes, he’ll realize that enlightenment could be closer than he thought. Maybe he’ll even tell that girl, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, how he really feels. If there’s time. This paragraph needs more focus. Too many details (cute, yes, but distracting) and I'm still not sure what his conflict or goals are. "he'll realize that enlightenment could be closer" is telling us too much -- don't tell us what he learns just what he's got to decide. End with a conflict.

He knows he’ll be on board at the end of the season when those transports leave for the Other Side, but doesn’t know if it will be as ferryman or passenger. Or if it even matters. I'm not really getting a clear picture of what this means for Charlie.

THE FERRYMAN (98,185 words) is a novel about death, friendship and real life. State the genre here, and I'd remove the summary of what it's about -- that should be evident from the pitch portion. I worked as a ferryman (for living people) for nine years.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

(CONTACT INFO)
Great premise, lots of funny little details to boot. Just need to focus it more and leave us with a conflict. Hope that helps!

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by Joel Q » October 22nd, 2010, 1:32 pm

Mark17,

The good.
You have a voice that comes out in the query.
The idea and main character are awesome.

The bad.
Like the others, I don't see the conflict.
Is it more of an internal conflict for the ferryman or is there something external going on?
Is there a bad guy? A dark moment? A major plot question the ferryman has to ask and answer?

Take a look at some of the how-tos on writing queries.
You have a story with great potential, but it doesn't come out in the query.

Good luck.
JQ

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by Ermo » October 24th, 2010, 3:43 pm

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. I like this opening. Coins kind of throws me but I'm cool with it.

He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied. But somewhere around the time his 32nd deckhand jumped into the Sea of Lost Souls, the weight of eternity started sinking in. I have no idea what the second sentence means. I do like the last sentence.

Complicating matters, his favorite captain’s been sent to ‘reeducation’ by a bureaucratic angel obsessed with uniform adjustments, the Ferry Group is dealing with an infestation of graven images and the girl worth staying for is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of Paradise, is an idiot, not to mention secretly German. This reads like an inside joke I don't get. The first complication is funny. The second I need more context and the third is fine but I have no idea why being secretly German is a big deal.

His debts have been paid off. Charlie’s ready to move on and ascend. Maybe become the spirit guide to a zookeeper or a forest ranger. Alongside his two best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool, he embarks on his final season in the Underworld. He hopes. But as he ponders the meaning of his afterlife, what really goes on in the Sea of Lost Souls, how jet-skis even work and what’s happening on that island full of sugar-crazed children with no eyes, he’ll realize that enlightenment could be closer than he thought. Maybe he’ll even tell that girl, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, how he really feels. If there’s time. I like that you state the protagonist's goal - to move on (and maybe get the girl). But what's standing in his way? Idle thoughts?

He knows he’ll be on board at the end of the season when those transports leave for the Other Side, but doesn’t know if it will be as ferryman or passenger. Or if it even matters. Wait, he can be a passenger? Plus, I thought the Other Side was good.

THE FERRYMAN (98,185 words) is a novel about death, friendship and real life. I worked as a ferryman (for living people) for nine years.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
There's certainly some potential for some smart, snarky humor here and I'm intrigued by that. I love that stuff. But I think you need a little more structure in this query. Most importantly, you need a villian. Good luck with this!

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Post by ABFTomioka » October 25th, 2010, 1:55 am

Whoa - first of all, I LOVE this idea! It's incredibly creative and I can tell even in this brief query that you have some wonderfully quirky characters. This is something I would absolutely read just because it sounds so fun. I only have a few ideas for your query:

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. AWESOME!!! This instantly caught my eye and made me read on. I know what you're talking about with the coins, but I wonder if it would be worth explaining elsewhere in the query, in case the agent doesn't know of the tradition...

He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied. But somewhere around the time his 32nd deckhand jumped into the Sea of Lost Souls, the weight of eternity started sinking in. I love your voice here, but maybe you could use these details to give us more idea of what's going on. So, is Charlie dead? Who awarded him this sweet afterlife gig? What made his deckhands jump ship and why does he care?

Complicating matters, his favorite captain’s been sent to ‘reeducation’ by a bureaucratic angel obsessed with uniform adjustments (A bureaucratic angel - HILARIOUS!! But I would maybe mention "ship captain" so we know his relationship to Charlie), the Ferry Group is dealing with an infestation of graven images and the girl worth staying for is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of Paradise, is an idiot, not to mention secretly German. This stuff makes me laugh! I like how you have shown the setting this way. But it might be useful to not early on that they're all living in "Paradise."

His debts have been paid off. So eternity wasn't so long after all...maybe add a little more detail about how he paid off the debts and what's in store for him next - where will he ascend to?. Charlie’s ready to move on and ascend. Maybe become the spirit guide to a zookeeper or a forest ranger. Alongside his two best friends, a fat fallen angel (I already love this fat angel - so funny) and an educated fool, he embarks on his final season in the Underworld. He hopes. But as he ponders the meaning of his afterlife, what really goes on in the Sea of Lost Souls, how jet-skis even work and what’s happening on that island full of sugar-crazed children with no eyes (what is this place? Is it the Underworld? I think it might be good to specify as we just have a lot of images with no linkage at the moment), he realizes enlightenment could be closer than he thought. Maybe he’ll even tell that girl, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress (she sounds like a fantastic character, too!), how he really feels. If there’s time. Why wouldn't there be time?

He knows he’ll be on board at the end of the season when those transports leave for the Other Side, but doesn’t know if it will be as ferryman or passenger. Or if it even matters.

This story looks great! But as many people have already metioned I think you could do more setting up of conflict. The characters come out already, but the story not so much. Why do we care about Charlie? Is the conflict more to do with his captain friend, graven images bothering the Ferry Group, or the girl he loves who's stuck with the wrong guy? All of that could be picked apart so we know what kind of challenges Charlie faces. And while I love the imagery of your second paragraph, maybe some of it could be sacrificed so we can have some more action instead.

Best of luck!

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN REVISION # 1

Post by Mark17 » November 21st, 2010, 10:08 pm

SECOND VERSION--- THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ALL ADVICE.


Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls.

After 100 years as the Underworld Ferry Group’s most talented first mate, which is a little like being the best vice president, he’s had enough. Or maybe he hasn’t. But he only has one season left to decide whether to continue his adventures in purgatory or see what awaits on the Other Side. That final notice to move on has an expiration date.

Before he can even make the decision, he’ll have to survive that final season. Second death can come as easily as the first when you’re sailing to islands filled with cannibalistic sugar-crazed children, bureaucratic angels and, of course, three-headed dogs. It doesn’t help that the girl worth staying for, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of purgatory, is an idiot.

He could stay, keep drinking illegal rum and finding trouble with his best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool. Maybe tell the girl how he really feels. Or he could take a risk, leave behind everything he knows and his only chance with the girl, for the hope that there is something better.

THE FERRYMAN (approximately 95,500 words) is a coming of age novel for the dead. I worked as a ferryman (for living people) for nine years.

Thank you for your time.

(CONTACT INFO)

Thanks to everyone who offered advice before, I'm hoping this gives a better sense of what the story is about. I am still not sure if it works. The basic conflict is man vs. himself, should Charlie leave or should he not. But the season plays out with all these mini plots, kind of adventures he encounters on his daily job. And the love story kind of develops in the nights in between each adventure. Not sure if that helps or if it was redundant or what.

I am also not sure about the genre, I was thinking fantasy. Does fantasy work for the underworld? It's not YA, Charlie's about 122. (But more like 22 for our purposes). Any ideas?

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN REVISION # 1

Post by D.S. Deshaw » November 21st, 2010, 11:22 pm

Mark17 wrote:Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls.

After 100 years as the Underworld Ferry Group’s most talented first mate, which is a little like being the best vice president, he’s had enough. Or maybe he hasn’t. But he only has one season left to decide whether to continue his adventures in purgatory or see what awaits on the Other Side. That final notice to move on has an expiration date.

Before he can even make the decision, he’ll have to survive that final season. Second death can come as easily as the first when you’re sailing to islands filled with cannibalistic sugar-crazed children, bureaucratic angels and, of course, three-headed dogs. It doesn’t help that the girl worth staying for, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of purgatory, is an idiot.

He could stay, keep drinking illegal rum and finding trouble with his best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool. Maybe tell the girl how he really feels. Or he could take a risk, leave behind everything he knows and his only chance with the girl, for the hope that there is something better.
This is a bit more clearer, but you're telling us more about these characters than you're showing us (shown by the bolded phrases). You also aren't showing his indecision very well--just telling us that he is ('he's had enough. Or maybe he hasn't.'), which has little to no impact for something that's supposed to be the main conflict. You've introduced us to Charlie, the girl worth staying for, her boyfriend, and his two best friends...and yet we don't know anything about them but the labels given to them. And if Charlie is thinking his best friends are fat and stupid, then that doesn't make him likeable.

I think you've definitely got something with potential. It seems humorous. I'd just like to see who Charlie is, and I'd like to see what the overarching storyline is. All of these adventures have to have some kind of thread or you don't have a story, you have a series of short stories with the same characters. Subplots generally are left out of a query because it makes it confusing.

Your writing is there, your story seems to be there, just work a bit more on the query :) Good luck.
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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN -- Revision No. 1

Post by turtledinosaur » November 22nd, 2010, 6:40 pm

I know little about queries. Disclaimer aside, I'll take a stab at it.

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. instant hook

After 100 years as the Underworld Ferry Group’s most talented first mate, which is a little like being the best vice president, I would delete this because it seems unnecessary he’s had enough. Or maybe he hasn’t. But he only has one season like summer or spring? I'm confused left to decide whether to continue his adventures in purgatory or see what awaits on the Other Side. That final notice to move on has an expiration date. I'd save this last sentence for later.

Before he can even make the decision, he’ll have to survive that final season. Second death can come as easily as the first when you’re sailing to islands filled with cannibalistic sugar-crazed children, bureaucratic angels and, of course, three-headed dogs. It doesn’t help that the girl worth staying for, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress this paragraph suffers from comma abuse so consider deleting this, is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of purgatory, is an idiot.

He could stay, keep drinking illegal rum and finding trouble with his best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool. Maybe tell the girl how he really feels. Or he could take a risk, leave behind everything he knows and his only chance with the girl, for the hope that there is something better. Consider deleting this whole paragraph because it's subplot.

The last line in the first paragraph, IMHO, should go here. Something like: Whatever he decides to do, that final notice to move on has an expiration date.

Overall, I liked this query. It conveyed voice and had an interesting premise. I just think it needs tightening. Also, I'd call this a fantasy.

Good luck to you!

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN -- Revision No. 1

Post by Inglory » November 27th, 2010, 11:50 am

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. The writing is witty and tight, but I'm not sure what these coins are.

He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. Ah, so he's a dead pickpocket! Intriguing, but what does the next line mean? That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied. But somewhere around the time his 32nd deckhand jumped into the Sea of Lost Souls, the weight of eternity started sinking in. The style is starting to come at the expense of meaning. I'm confused.

Complicating matters, his favorite captain’s been sent to ‘reeducation’ by a bureaucratic angel obsessed with uniform adjustments, the Ferry Group is dealing with an infestation of graven images and the girl worth staying for is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of Paradise, is an idiot, not to mention secretly German. These complications hint at a very funny book, but perhaps they're too succinct. Even after reading back a few times, I have too vague an idea of what's going on. 'The girl worth staying for...' What's his alternative?

His debts have been paid off. Eh? Charlie’s ready to move on and ascend. I'm getting frustrated now because it sounds like a good story is being masked. Is he in purgatory? Ascend to where? Maybe become the spirit guide to a zookeeper or a forest ranger. Alongside his two best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool, - nice description of minor characters - he embarks on his final season in the Underworld. He hopes. But as he ponders the meaning of his afterlife, - nice phrase - what really goes on in the Sea of Lost Souls, how jet-skis even work and what’s happening on that island full of sugar-crazed children with no eyes, - hilarious - he’ll realize that enlightenment could be closer than he thought. Maybe he’ll even tell that girl, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, how he really feels. If there’s time.

He knows he’ll be on board at the end of the season when those transports leave for the Other Side, but doesn’t know if it will be as ferryman or passenger. I need to understand the difference without making massive assumptions. Or if it even matters. Very nice final line.

-----------

There's a lot here that hints at a funny and original book. But there are too many gaps. It's hard because you know the story so well - but you have to spell it out to us a bit more.

Good luck. Keep at it. I look forward to reading the next version.

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Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN REVISION # 1

Post by Lil Tailor » December 2nd, 2010, 11:56 pm

Mark17 wrote:SECOND VERSION--- THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ALL ADVICE.


Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls.I got it, but it took a while. Beware that the possibilities of a reader not getting it might be higher than those that do.

After 100 years as the Underworld Ferry Group’s most talented first mate, which is a little like being the best vice president, he’s had enough. Or maybe he hasn’t. But he only has one season left to decide whether to continue his adventures in purgatory or see what awaits on the Other Side. That final notice to move on has an expiration date.This paragraph feels like it could be tighter.

Before he can even make the decision, he’ll have to survive that final season. Second death can come as easily as the first when you’re sailing to islands filled with cannibalistic sugar-crazed children, bureaucratic angels and, of course, three-headed dogs. It doesn’t help that the girl worth staying for, the Foucault-quoting barefoot waitress, is still clueless that her boyfriend, the self-declared ‘mayor’ of purgatory, is an idiot. I laughed at this, but being an idiot doesn't seem like it should disqualify him from boyfriendhood

He could stay, keep drinking illegal rum and finding trouble with his best friends, a fat fallen angel and an educated fool. Maybe tell the girl how he really feels. Or he could take a risk, leave behind everything he knows and his only chance with the girl, for the hope that there is something better.

THE FERRYMAN (approximately 95,500 words) is a coming of age novel for the dead. I worked as a ferryman (for living people) for nine years.

Thank you for your time.
I'm actually intrigued by this. But it feels like you could probably write a better query if you started over. I mean jesus, he has been there for a hundred years, has he liked it, is that why he wants to stay? Is it cause of this girl he's had a hundred years to impress?

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