Query critique 4/3/24

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: Pasadena, CA

Query critique 4/3/24

Post by Nathan Bransford » April 1st, 2024, 5:01 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Hi ********,
We met at the Palestine Writes Festival at Penn on Sept. 23 where you were gracious enough to allow me to query you directly with my manuscript, THE GUARDIAN’S MARK, an 85,000-word, dual POV commercial thriller. I am sending you the first 50-odd pages for your consideration.

While the novel is plot driven, the protagonist, MARIAM KHOURI, is a product of her rich, blended, second-generation, Arab-American culture, which is heavily influenced by her time in the Levant region. She’s an archaeologist whose peaceful academic life is thrown into peril, while interning at the ruins in Dura Europos, Syria, where she’s told she now guards a secret passed down from Moses, is given a protective tattoo, and must flee with a professional soldier. The scientist in her cannot believe this myth or understand why so many people are pursuing her in order to possess it. But can the professional soldier be trusted? At every turn, someone is one step ahead.

ADAM JAMESON’s mission is simple—protect Miriam and discover what she’s guarding. But this assignment has him slipping out of his detached military demeanor and questioning the political and cultural presumptions that have fueled his career.

Together they run from black-market antiquity dealers, religious factions, and powerful governments, all of whom presume the secret she’s guarding is a religious relic. The journey is life-threatening for him and transforms her from an agnostic academic to a believer in the divine.

This manuscript has won all three contests I’ve entered it in and just finaled in the League of Romance Writers 2024 Emily for mainstream fiction with romantic elements. The winner is to be announced in March 2024. It’s action/thriller plot appeals to fans of Daniel Silva, Steve Berry and James Rollins, while the growing relationship between the main characters appeals to readers of romantic suspense.

I’m happy to make any changes to align with the current market. I hope to hear from you. Thank you for your consideration.

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