Query critique 12/14/23

[Nathan Bransford]

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Dear Nathan,

An investigator and a society darling join forces to unmask their mutual friend’s killer in MURDER COMES TO MAYFAIR, my adult historical mystery with series potential, complete at 92,000 words. Its Regency setting, banter, and slow-burn romance will appeal to fans of Andrea Penrose’s WREXFORD AND SLOANE mysteries and Deanna Raybourn’s VERONICA SPEEDWELL mysteries. I would appreciate any feedback on this query letter you're willing to provide.

London, 1811. A member of the elite Bow Street Runners, Henry Cross has worked his way up from poverty to become a respected investigator—until new evidence indicates he might’ve sent the wrong man to prison for murder. When an author called George Bones publicly insults Henry, Henry reopens his former investigation to save an innocent man from the gallows and preserve his own good name.

Henry’s investigation brings him to a dinner party, which the accused man’s former employers will be attending. There, he meets Augusta Bancroft, a barrister’s daughter who yearns for more than attending balls and attracting suitors. Her scathing quill advocates for the unfortunate souls that high society would rather forget, but crime writing isn’t a suitable pastime for a lady. If anyone discovers she is George Bones, the scandal would ruin Augusta’s social standing and that of her beloved family.

When one of the dinner guests is murdered—shortly after telling Henry he has information pertaining to the reopened murder case—the coincidence is too great to ignore. Henry and Augusta forge a clandestine alliance to find the killer. Following the clues takes them on a twisty journey from the bustling streets of Covent Garden to the refined townhouses of Mayfair. As Henry and Augusta uncover infidelity, lies, and corruption, they discover that finding justice might mean risking their reputations and lives.

I am an active member of the #Booktube community on YouTube (Jackie Reads and Writes) and the Mystery Writers of America Florida Chapter. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Jackie