First 250 words

Post excerpts from your works in progress and give feedback to your fellow writers.
Post Reply
Jasmine
Posts: 1
Joined: May 22nd, 2020, 10:06 am
Contact:

First 250 words

Post by Jasmine » October 23rd, 2022, 11:29 am

Title: The Knowings
Genre: YA/Fantasy/Syfy
First 250 words
In the flutter of a bird’s wing, an ache swelled within Kewanee Kavanagh’s stomach. She ignored the warning, and dashed aboard the derelict ferryboat with her older brother, Aidan. She raced Aidan to the top deck, threw her backpack on a bench, and inhaled her last day of freedom. For tomorrow, she began her junior year at Gibraltar High.
A horn blasted, and the boat chugged for Washington Island, seven miles from Wisconsin’s thumb. With her left eye closed against the sun, Kewanee scanned Lake Michigan, where a graveyard of shipwrecks, war canoes, brigs, and schooners littered the sea bed.
“Is your creepy eye going to find us treasure today?” Aidan asked.
“Creepy?” Kewanee’s eyes widened. “Watch out or I’ll cast a spell on you with my witching eye.”
“Whatever, Aidan said.”
She sighed. Why can’t I think before I blurt? She knew Aidan was teasing, but it still hurt. Will I ever get over my deformity? She tried laughing at herself when anyone mocked her right eye, but she didn’t always succeed. Her left eye was emerald green, but her right eye was green on top and hazel on the bottom. A definite defect.
She nudged Aidan, hoping to redeem herself, and then pointed to the remains of a century old sailing ship preserved by the icy waters of the lake.
Aidan smiled his toothy grin, giving her a thumbs-up.
When they crossed the Straights of Devil’s Door, Captain Braun narrated the history of sunken shipwrecks scattered below.

The.Otherworlds
Posts: 5
Joined: November 12th, 2022, 1:08 pm
Contact:

Re: First 250 words

Post by The.Otherworlds » November 12th, 2022, 1:17 pm

It's fun and I like the vibe of it-relxed, a little witty, feels like teenagers which it obviously is supposed to. Hints at a little more and makes the reader intrigued about what sort of story this is and where it's gonna go. LOVELY!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests